How is a child who collects debts raised?

There is a classic line in the movie \”Manslaughter\”: \”Some children are children, and some children are just beasts.\” But in fact, every child was an angel when he was born. It\’s just that as time goes by, some children grow up to be warm, self-disciplined, and filial, and become gifts from God to their parents; some children become cruel, violent, and indifferent, leaving their parents on tenterhooks and thinking about them every day. How to repay his debt. What exactly causes this gap? The answer is actually very simple, it is the cultivation and education of parents. Many times, the child who comes to collect debt is not born like this. He may have come to repay a favor. But his abnormal family education brought him step by step to the other end of the scale. Being absent for a long time at an age when children need a sense of security creates an emotional debt. Last year, a TV series called \”The Storm\” became popular. There is a character in it who does all kinds of evil, named Sun Xing. He does all kinds of evil, including raping, wounding, bribing, loan sharking, and even killing… In fact, this character was not created out of thin air. His real-life prototype is Sun Xiaoguo, the \”Nan Batian\” among the locals in Yunnan. Since the age of 18, he has hijacked and raped women in public many times, illegally imprisoned them, opened casinos, and loan sharks… even worse than Sun Xing in the TV series. How did such a devil develop? This has to mention his parents. Sun Xiaoguo was born in Kunming, Yunnan in 1977. His father was a police officer and his mother was a policeman. However, on the one hand, because his parents were busy at work, and on the other hand, because they had a bad relationship, Sun Xiaoguo in his childhood, despite having both parents, was like an \”emotional orphan\”: his father was an alcoholic all year round, and would treat him badly if he drank too much. Fighting with mother. For this reason, when Sun Xiaoguo was 5 years old, her mother couldn\’t bear it and filed for divorce. In the next ten years, she devoted herself to her career and had no time to take care of her son. It wasn\’t until Sun Xiaoguo was 15 years old that his remarried mother took him into her care. Professor Li Meijin, who has been engaged in adolescent psychology research for a long time, once said: Analyzing a child\’s problems depends on who he lived with when he was a child. Sun Xiaoguo, whose mother was absent and grew up with a violent father, failed to establish a normal emotional connection. So when he grew up, he naturally became an emotionless demon, causing pain to others again and again, and even disregarding life. The family is the factory that shapes children\’s emotional, cognitive and behavioral patterns. And a child who has not received emotional nourishment is destined to become cold and cruel. Indulging in indulgence at an age when it’s time to set rules owed you debt to discipline. Do you still remember Li Tianyi who committed a gang rape that shocked the country? The year he was born, his father Li Shuangjiang was already 56 years old. Li Shuangjiang, who had a son at an old age, gave his son the ultimate pampering and pampering. When he was 4 years old, his son learned piano from a professor at the Central Conservatory of Music; when he was 8 years old, his son wanted to practice calligraphy, so he immediately found a professor from Tsinghua University for him; as for singing, Li Shuangjiang personally taught his experience and took his son with him many times. Go on stage and praise him for being smart and talented… Not only that, every time their son makes a mistake, Li Shuangjiang and his wife will always deal with the consequences for him immediately.. When he went to high school in the United States, he secretly replaced his classmates\’ protein powder with washing powder. When he was found out, he not only showed no regrets, but also blatantly provoked: \”If you dare to come to China, I will crush you to death. Knowing that my father is Who?\” When he was 15 years old, Li Tianyi got into a dispute with someone in a BMW without a license and beat a couple to a bloody head. This time, it was Li Shuangjiang who came forward again and asked for forgiveness. But even so, Li Shuangjiang still couldn\’t bring himself to discipline his son. When a reporter asked Li Shuangjiang if he would beat his son, he replied: \”I can\’t bear to do it. Sometimes I really want to beat him, but before I can do it, my tears fall down…\” However, just two years later, Li Tianyi Once he got into trouble: in February 2013, he and several men gang-raped a woman from out of town. But this time, what awaits Li Tianyi is no longer the indulgence of his parents, but the prison clothes of the prison. When children are young, parents feel sorry for their children and are reluctant to educate them, and they think they are doing good to their children. As everyone knows, if parents don’t teach their children the lesson of upbringing, society will. However, in the parents\’ place, the children may only suffer a physical pain; in society, the children have to pay a thousand times the price. Brutally suppressing valuable debts at an age when children are eager to be recognized. CCTV\’s \”Psychological Interview\” program once reported such a case: the daughter Fan Chengjin is 33 years old this year. After graduating from college, she not only stopped looking for a job, but stayed at home for ten years. However, as the camera deepens, the audience realizes: It turns out that behind Fan Chengjin, there is a pair of strict parents, and their daughter\’s education has always been based on crackdowns and criticism. When he was in junior high school, Fan Chengjin liked to write and draw, and he also designed his own sports shoes and sportswear. But when her parents saw it, they said disparagingly: \”What\’s the use? Is it useful? Go and read a book!\” When cooking, she accidentally added too much water, which immediately caused the whole family to criticize her: \”I can\’t even cook a meal.\” Yes!\” In her daily life, what she heard the most was her parents\’ cynicism: \”If you succeed in the future, I will kneel down to you!\” \”If you succeed, even dogs will succeed!\” In this way, Fan Chengjin became more and more popular. Feeling more and more inferior. At its worst, I couldn\’t even speak, let alone interview for a job. So, for the past ten years, the parents have been waiting for their daughter to become independent, and the daughter has been waiting for her parents to apologize. In the end, it fell into a lose-lose situation: when the parents reached their octogenarian years, they still had to work hard to support their daughter who was unwilling to go out; while the daughter wasted the most precious ten years of her life to avenge the original hurt of words. If parents always focus on their children\’s shortcomings and shortcomings, they will attack, accuse, and humiliate their children day after day, and put various negative labels on their children. Not only will the child not get better, but it will run in a bad direction and completely lose its sense of self-identity. Eventually, they fall into a whirlpool of extremely low self-worth, constantly attacking themselves until they give up on themselves. Controlling and interfering with children at an age when they are becoming independent creates a debt of growth. In March 2018, Sun Zuoan, the son of Taiwanese artist Di Ying, was arrested and imprisoned in the United States on suspicion of illegal gun possession. It is understood that before the incident, he first warned his classmates: \”Don\’t come to school on May 1 becausefor a shooting. \”Unexpectedly, the classmate immediately called the police after hearing this. Then, the police found a large number of guns and bullets at Sun Zuoan\’s residence. For this reason, Di Ying quickly sold two properties and raised 30 million in funds, and finally settled in Eight months later, he brought his son back to Taiwan. Unexpectedly, Sun Zuoan was still restless after returning to Taiwan: he not only showed off his imprisonment on various occasions, but also often caused troubles and fights. After people heard about Sun Zuoan’s deeds, their comments were: “Like mother, like son. \”In fact, Di Ying\’s education of her son has always been controversial, especially her strong desire to control. Sun Zuoan was thin when he was young, but Di Ying believed that his son was not strong enough and was destined to be unable to become a pillar in the future. For this reason, she forces her 11-year-old son to eat the same amount of food as an adult man. Even in order to supervise his eating, he can only watch the Japanese TV series \”Big Stomach\” for seven hours at a time. \”King\” program. Before her son turned 18, Di Ying didn\’t even allow him to have a mobile phone, let alone go shopping alone. In order to better take care of her son\’s life, Di Ying kept the same schedule as her son every day and gave up all work. , entertainment, and took the trouble to tell her son: \”Mom sacrificed everything for you, you must never let me down. \”However, as psychologist Li Xue said: \”A body can only bear one soul. If parental control is airtight, the child is effectively mentally dead. \”The life customized by parents, no matter how perfect it seems, is actually full of holes. When children grow up, they will either go to extremes to escape the control of their parents; or they will suppress their needs and live in confusion all their lives. For the rest of their lives. But no matter what kind of situation it is, I believe it is something that parents do not want to see. Sooner or later, children from \”heavy debt\” families will come to collect debts from their parents. Psychologist Ericsson once calculated an account for parents: \” Before the child is 2 years old, take more care of him, and he will be self-motivated; before the child is 6 years old, if you encourage him more, he will study more diligently; before the child is 12 years old, if you respect him more, he will learn to be independent. Motivated, self-disciplined, independent… Once a child possesses these qualities, his future income will be 3-10 times higher than that of his peers. \”But if, when the child is young, the parents fail to educate him properly for various reasons: when he is 5 years old, he is absent from the child\’s childhood, making the child an emotional orphan; when he is 8 years old, he is absent from the child\’s upbringing, making the child lawless; 15 When they are 18 years old, they deprive their children of their self-confidence and lose their sense of self-worth; when they are 18 years old, they deprive their children of their right to choose and make them lose their vitality… Then when parents get older, what they have to face will be They are violent, ignorant, depraved, and terrible debt collectors. They either cannot support themselves and need their elderly parents to run around and provide blood for them; or they will personally destroy their own bright future and the rest of their parents\’ lives because of their own short-sightedness and arrogance. Hope, even sending parents to prison. This is the most incompetent child, who lives in ignorance all his life, asking for his parents all his life; at the same time, these are also the saddest parents, who have endured hardship for decades, thinking that they will enjoy it when they are old.Enjoy the blessings of children and grandchildren, but live a miserable life. Therefore, I hope parents all over the world can understand: educating children well is investing in their own happiness for the rest of their lives. No matter how much money and career success you have, they will be nothing more than a passing cloud when you are old. Only an outstanding, independent, and kind child can truly rely on you for the rest of your life. I hope every parent can be the first person responsible for their children and have a child who will repay their kindness as they wish.