How many children\’s lives have been ruined by just one sentence?

We mothers were having dinner when Lisa received a phone call. She ran away for a long time and came back looking very unhappy. We asked her: \”What\’s wrong?\” She said angrily: \”Xiao Lei\’s teacher, he ranked 16th in the class in the midterm exam.\” I asked: \”How many people are there in their class?\” \”40 people.\” \”16th place, it\’s considered to be the upper-middle class, not bad?\” I said. Lisa shook her head while scrolling through WeChat, \”No, I have to find a tutor as soon as possible. This child really doesn\’t make me worry.\” Next to her, A Qing said, \”Find a teacher for tutoring quickly. My family is not allowed to fall below the previous level. Eighth place!\” I wondered: \”Why the top eight? Is it because of good luck?\” A Qing said: \”In our international school, even if you enter the elementary school, there is no guarantee that you can enter the junior high school. The school stipulates that each class in the elementary school must The top 10 students can go directly to the junior high school of our school. Students from 11 to 15 will have priority in admission if they have the same scores as students from other schools. After 15, you can find another way out. So for the eighth, there are still two places left. \”Mrs. Shan said: \”My cousin\’s child is a real top student. She has been ranked first in every exam since she was a child. She took the college entrance examination last year, and many universities were vying to get her and offered her conditions to choose. She ended up being the best. I chose the University of Hong Kong.\” All the mothers clicked their tongues. Even Lisa, who sent a WeChat message to find the teacher, came over and asked, \”Tell me about your experience.\” Mrs. Shan said, \”My cousin was a listed company executive in the 1990s. How capable does that have to be? But since she had a child, she quit her job and stopped working. She took care of the child at home and put all her efforts into the child. She truly loved and cared about the child. From the time the child was born She never left her for a day until she was admitted to college. I had already gone to their home to observe, but I really couldn\’t do it, so dedicated, so I didn\’t have a top student, which is considered retribution.\” In recent years, there have been top students in my family. It is simply more enviable than having a golden mountain at home. As a \”student scumbag\” who lives on the edge of the education system, I always feel a little envious and jealous of \”students\”. Every time I talk about \”students\”, I always think in my heart: the life of a top student must be awesome. Bar? The path to becoming a top student must be the Yangguan Avenue, glittering with gold, right? The trajectory of a top student must be skyrocketing, right? After graduating from a prestigious university, you must have an annual salary of tens of millions, become a leader, and be happy, right? I once specifically checked the follow-ups of famous academics. Most of the Baidu entries for academics ended after they entered university. There are very few people who have records of their experiences after graduating from college. What surprises me is that some people even just get a bachelor\’s degree and don\’t even continue with a master\’s degree, then work, marry, and fall into the mortal world. Liu Yiting, once the most popular Harvard girl in China, currently has the most brilliant work experience in Boston Management Consulting Company, and she has no clear position. The company is indeed quite famous, but compared to such a top student, it is always a little overqualified and unsatisfied. Vivian is a French mother who has passed CET-6. She listened to our conversation and suddenly said: \”As long as it is ranked, it is based on the number of people. It is a sport of one person stepping on another. So what about the other children in the class?\” What to do? We all looked at each other and shrugged. \”Can\’t learn?\”Okay, I’ll be eliminated! This is life! Vivian asked again: \”What if your child doesn\’t learn well?\” A Qing said: \”Then save more money quickly.\” Mrs. Shan said: \”There is no need to save more.\” Just put him in the public school next to home, and save all the money he spent from international schools, interest classes, and exposure to the world over the years to find a wife for him. It would be a lot of money. It’s considered a happy life! \”But this is not what parents don\’t want to see, right? After all, Chinese parents love elites the most! A few years ago, I worked as a Chinese teacher in a French school. I once discussed a problem with the principal: \” How much impact do children\’s grades in school have on their lives? \”After all, school is just a transitional stage in life. Whether you are an elite or a non-elite, the parameters of evaluation are your achievements after entering society. The principal told me that the French Ministry of Education has established a project on this topic for more than twenty years. A long-term follow-up study. The current conclusions show that there is a certain relationship between academic performance in school and professional responsibility in society, but it is not as inevitable as we imagined. Being able to make amazing achievements in society Achievement is more about students who perform \”good\” in school, rather than the top \”students\” in school. At present, we can find a more reasonable reason, which can probably be explained like this: Each education system has its own In addition to characteristics such as intelligence, hard work, concentration, and hard work, the assessment method also has certain rules and tricks. As long as you master the rules and fit the current model, it will be easier to get results. Students who are particularly good in school are usually particularly suitable for the education they are in. People who follow the system model. But once these people leave school, society’s measurement standards are more complex and diverse. They are often unable to adapt to the different evaluation standards in society and school. And the earlier the academic masters start, the more adaptable they will be. Your own status as a top student. If you are used to being the proud one, you will have a huge psychological gap and serious frustration. It is easy to fall out of the pyramid and your performance will be mediocre. It turns out that in a sense, practice makes perfect for top academics. Once the model is fixed, it is difficult to change, and what society needs is diversity. So what is the point of studying hard? The principal said that first of all, to live in this society, everyone must have survival skills. Human beings without skills , unable to survive in society. Then, today, children with good academic performance can enter good universities, and then enter research institutions, large companies or state agencies. From the perspective of big data, children who study well have a relatively better life. Guaranteed, it is easier to be comfortable and stable. The conclusion is that studying is necessary, but being an academic master is not necessary. This is contrary to the usual execution line of parents. Be famous as early as possible, get good habits as early as possible, and do everything as early as possible. Get a good position early and start life. We always hope to have the best children in the world. But no one has ever said that there is no best child in the world, because there are always children who are better than the best children. \”Most\” is a comparative adverb. As long as there is a comparison, there must be a winner or loser. The spirit of the Olympics translated into Chinese is \”the winner is king\”. Whether it is China\’s current elimination-oriented education system or China\’s extremely anxious parents, the result of a two-pronged approach has promoted the short-term effects of China\’s education and is eager to achieve utilitarian results. That kind of \”student master\” who is born naturally and does not work hard must exist, just like there is always someone who will win in every Mark Six lottery draw. There are countless times more people in this world who have not won the Mark Six Lottery than those who have won the Mark Six Lottery. Even if I don’t win the Mark Six Lottery, I can still have a wonderful life. But every child is a unique treasure, each child has different characteristics, and each child\’s frequency is also different. I have always believed that as a parent, you need to cultivate and train your children’s quality, personality, upbringing and emotional intelligence, and let your children understand the rules and principles of this society. Is it better to learn English by two points more or two points less than being stepped on by others in the class? That certain skill in the Mathematical Olympiad is something more important. In nature, every small tree always grows in the wind. In reality, every child always grows with the attention of his parents. If a child has a parent who is always finding fault, is impatient, and works hard to pull out the child\’s progress, the result will be to stifle all the child\’s possibilities. The greatest quality of being a parent is not patience, companionship, speaking well, or being careful and attentive. These are all needed in education, but they are not the most crucial step. The most important thing about being a parent is decision-making. You must be able to hold on without being shocked by honor or disgrace. In fact, the truth is always in the hands of a few people. If everyone wants to get ahead and everyone can get ahead, then getting ahead will become a commonplace with no value. Since \”The Great Learning\”, \”Spring and Autumn\”, \”Shang Shu\”, and \”The Doctrine of the Mean\”, everyone has read almost ten thousand volumes of books, but everyone is taking a unique path. The best and most successful education in the world is never about being number one, but about maintaining and developing its own uniqueness. This is the most precious gift that parents can give their children.