How many more years can we have children?

After playing with the baby all day, it was finally time to go to bed. So I wanted to put the baby to sleep quickly and read a book for a while. Maybe he was playing too crazy during the day, and he slept very lightly. Whenever I moved, he would cry nervously. When he stabilized, I planned to sneak away quietly, and another burst of crying followed. After \”struggling\” several times, I felt irritable and frustrated, \”Why is it so difficult for me to have some time by myself?\” I was so angry that I wanted to have a fit, but he fell asleep next to me. Looking at his peaceful little face, I suddenly realized, \”Children fall asleep quickly, maybe in less than 5 minutes, but they lack a sense of security and need companionship before going to bed. Why can\’t I happily stay with him for 5 more minutes and wait for him to fall asleep.\” I want to get up and leave anxiously again and again, do I really only have a few minutes left? Are these few minutes enough to read a book or write a manuscript? In fact, it is more likely that I will use it to check my friends circle.\” I suddenly felt ashamed. How many years can we have children? Thinking about it, I couldn\’t help but look at this sleeping little angel and pray that time would go slower! Many times, we always hope to get more time from our children to do our own things. Urging the children to eat quickly and go to bed quickly, they can play by themselves and do their homework obediently. In short, the more \”worry-free\” the better. If the child cannot do it and disrupts our plans and expectations, we will be angry and dissatisfied, and we may even complain that spending time with the child is a waste of time. Is all that time with your kids really wasted? Of course not. Our companionship will internalize the children\’s inner sense of security, give them strength throughout their lives, and be the foundation for their lifelong happiness. Psychologists once conducted an interesting experiment. They put a newly born baby orangutan into a large room. There were two iron shelves in the room. One was bare and without any decorations; the other was covered with velvet. It looks like a female orangutan, and there are food and play items on the ground. Then, observe whether the baby orangutan eats? Is it for fun? Or a female orangutan? It was found that the baby gorilla screamed a few times in fear when faced with the unfamiliar room, and then climbed onto the simulated mother gorilla frame and hugged her tightly. It only comes down when it is hungry. After eating something, it will quickly climb up and hug the fluffy female orangutan tightly. This experiment proved that although young animals need food, their subsequent need is attachment to their caregivers, and the latter need exceeds the attraction of toys. Every day seems very long, but when you look back, the years are very short. We always want our children to grow up quickly so that we can have our own time, but inadvertently we find that we regret not accompanying our children well when they grow up. Their growth is irreversible, and the sense of security brought by their parents\’ presence as children is even more difficult to compensate for. So when your child needs it, please stay with him for 5 more minutes. Isn’t it worthwhile to use our patience for a few minutes to buy them a sense of security? Babies like to play with water and always sit in the wash basin and play for a while before going to bed at night. But children always find it unsatisfying to play. One time I took him out and he was crying very sadly. He couldn\’t be coaxed, and he kept pointing with his hands to go back and play in the water. I was very angry and said, \”If mom says you can\’t play, you can\’t play.\” After saying this, I realized that hegemonic thoughts were bubbling up again. So I was furious just nowI apologized to him and agreed to play for another 5 minutes before going to bed, because I would have nightmares if I was too excited. He started playing happily again. When I picked him up again, he still cried. Because he was only 1 year and 3 months old, he didn\’t understand what he was saying, but he was very happy again if he shifted his attention a little. Now that I think about it, I\’m really glad that I didn\’t take him to bed roughly. Although it seems like he only played for 5 more minutes, it is his mother\’s respect for him, recognition of his needs, and affirmation of his expression of needs. For me, it was a time of reflection. Many times, we set “rules” for our children based on our own moods. Children benefit from a good mood. If you are in a bad mood, your children will suffer. I just want them to be obedient, but I never care about what my children think. We try to teach them rules, but all they learn is to \”obey.\” We often see parents complaining about it, saying that doing homework with their children can cost their lives. He always has an uncontrollable temper and yells at his children. I think of the scene where the neighbor\’s children are doing their homework: Xuanxuan is doing her math homework, reading the questions over and over again, but she still can\’t write the answer. A few minutes later, the grandmother sitting next to her couldn\’t help but pointed at the child\’s head and shouted: \”Why are you so stupid? Can\’t you do such simple multiplication? What is 5 5s?\”. Xuanxuan didn\’t say anything, but after a minute, grandma burst out again: \”Five 5\’s are 25, forget it!\” Not focused and slow to receive information. She often loses words when reading the questions, so she has to read them several times. But to her grandma, this was no reason. The only reason is that she is stupid! She is lazy! Because of the blows and hints from her family, she became more and more disgusted with learning. As her grandmother said, she was really \”stupid\” to death. I think of what Uncle Mi said in the movie \”Stars on Earth\”: If you want to chop down a tree, you don\’t have to do it yourself, just curse at it, and the tree will wither in a few days. . The same is true for treating children. The disgust and blame you inadvertently reveal can be enough to destroy a child. If our child is unsatisfactory in some areas, we might as well give him more time. Because this is an acceptance, letting the child know that we love him, love his liveliness and cuteness, love him for being well-behaved and sensible, and also love him for not being smart and perfect. Think about it again, does losing your temper with your child really have the desired effect? ​​It just makes you half angry to death, and the child is frightened and trembling, and he is confused. A few days ago, I saw a baby who was walking steadily and was being led by his grandma with a walking belt. The child\’s mother wants him to go away on his own. The grandma let go of her hand very unhappily. The child fell down after taking a few steps. The grandma rushed up to pick him up and severely scolded the child\’s mother: \”Look, I said no, but you didn\’t listen.\” When they arrived at the playground, The child wanted to play with blocks. His clumsy little hands tried to put one block on top of another, but they fell off as soon as they touched it. The grandmother next to her smiled and took the building blocks from the child\’s hands, and made a tall pose with a click. He wanted to throw a small bowling ball, but grandma easily helped him hit it. He wanted to climb the slide by himself, and grandma turned into a strong man again and again.Lift him up directly. Even I had to sigh, wow, grandma is so versatile and energetic… But if it were me, I definitely don\’t want to have such an almighty grandma. It\’s not that I don\’t want her love, but I\’m afraid of the stifling and control of independence in this arranged relationship. Children are curious elves. They are curious about the world and have the desire to continuously develop their abilities. If our children try to do something by themselves, please give them 5 more minutes to study, think, and gain confidence after success. We only had children for so many years. Being a parent also has an expiration date. In the time of growing up, please don\’t be too anxious and give our children 5 minutes more. What does 5 minutes mean to you? Some people say that 5 minutes is very short, and it is not enough to scroll through Moments and give your friends a few likes. But I feel that 5 minutes is a long time, long enough to give a child the power to have a happy life.