How many parents lose because they don’t know how to speak well?

Look at you like this, you will definitely be beaten to death before you regret it! Every time she goes to her relatives, she hears them scolding her son, who is in middle school, saying that he does not do his job properly and is always hanging out. One time I asked the child, \”Why does your mother often scold you like this? Can\’t you be more obedient?\” He said, \”Because what they said made me feel uncomfortable, and scolding me made me feel better. They always feel that they It\’s right, and it\’s always an unquestionable attitude.\” \”And even if I\’m wrong, I won\’t admit it or apologize. The most important thing is, I don\’t want to say it, because no matter what I do, they won\’t be satisfied. , and he is always scolded!\” It must be said that his rebellion really made his parents worry. But does his parents\’ verbal violence make him feel better? There is a kind of violence that will not leave scars on your body, but can cast a shadow that will never go away in your heart, and even destroy a person\’s life. That is verbal violence, which is more serious and terrifying than the external scars. Many people have ruined their lives due to verbal violence from their parents! \”I met a scumbag who was in love with a woman when I was pregnant with my baby. He later promised me that we would never have any contact with him again, and I forgave him. But later I found out that they still kept in touch secretly. I just fell in love with him. Unable to make up my mind, I made many excuses to comfort myself. Finally, I consulted a psychiatrist and found out that it was actually me who was particularly afraid of being abandoned! That feeling was very scary and very helpless.\” A reader friend once left a message. She said that when she was young, she once got into a fight with a neighbor kid. As a result, the child\’s mother came to complain. Her mother hit her a few times without saying a word. In fact, being beaten is normal and there is nothing to be afraid of. The scary thing is what my mother said, \”Why are you so ignorant, a girl, and always causing trouble? Who will marry you in the future?\” Sometimes, when her parents quarrel, her mother takes it out on her. \”It\’s just because I gave birth to you. If you were a son, I wouldn\’t be angry in this family.\” Another time, my mother and I went to a relative\’s house as a guest. In the end, my mother left alone because of the incident without telling her. She cried and went home to find her mother. When we arrived at the village entrance, it was completely dark. She was terrified that time. I felt like I was abandoned and couldn\’t find my way home. Fortunately, a relative made a phone call and her father was asked to go out to look for her. After that time, she was afraid that her mother really didn\’t want her anymore, so what should she do? When there was a younger brother in the family, she didn\’t have the slightest fondness for him. Every time she secretly pinched her brother behind her mother\’s back. In fact, she didn\’t want to do this, but she just couldn\’t control it. It was because of her parents\’ words that she had a psychological shadow of being \”abandoned\”, which tortured her to this day. We know that parents will never abandon their children. They often want to make their children obedient by threatening them. This is a common trick used by many parents. It is fun to scare their children into submission. Because children often cannot distinguish between their parents\’ superficial behavior and their inner motivations, it is very easy for them to take their parents\’ words as true. Once, I met a mother eating breakfast with her child at a breakfast shop. The child was carrying a small schoolbag and looked like he was going to kindergarten. momWhile eating, the mother said to her child: \”It\’s more fun to go to kindergarten than at home! There are so many toys and so many children.\” \”Mom, I want to go to work with you.\” \”No, mom doesn\’t have time to take you.\” The child fell silent. After a while, the child stopped eating. It looks like he only ate a little. \”Hurry up and finish eating. If you don\’t obey, I will send you to kindergarten.\” His mother said loudly to him. The child was stunned and started eating again. He may think that he doesn\’t need to go to kindergarten after eating. But after eating, his mother still held his hand and said, \”It\’s more fun to go to kindergarten than at home! There are so many toys and so many children.\” But the child looked unhappy. If I were this child, I wouldn\’t be happy either. Because my mother wanted me to say that kindergarten is good when I go to kindergarten. And when I was disobedient, they used the thing I was afraid of – going to kindergarten to scare me, hoping that I would be obedient. Can I believe what my mother said? In my heart, I was still afraid of going to school and wanted to be with my mother. So no matter what she said, I didn\’t want to go. I guess this child will definitely suffer a lot during his time in kindergarten. Many of our parents are like this. In particular, some elderly people like to scare children to achieve the purpose of disciplining them. Once I saw a grandma say to a child of several years old: \”Don\’t climb that step, your dad is coming.\” Unexpectedly, the child hid behind the grandma as soon as he was smart. How can a child kiss his father in such a situation? At that time, my mother also liked to say, \”Your father is here to beat you!\” I would go to Xiao Xiaoyu every time and say to him: \”Dad will not beat you casually. Dad likes you. Only if you really Dad only spanks you when you are very misbehaved, but Dad thinks you are a good child and does not need to be spanked.\” When you want your child to fall in love with something, then really love it from the bottom of your heart. Your children can feel your enthusiasm. Like you, fall in love with this thing. There is no need to say more, just take action. Remember not to say yes to your child just because you are in a good mood. Because I am happy, I let my children play mobile games and watch TV. Say it doesn’t matter! If I was in a bad mood that day, I would tell my children that this is not good and that is not good either. This will only confuse the children and make them behave disorderly. I don’t know how to do it right. If parents do not truly treat their child as an independent individual, respect him. The status of the child and his parents will appear unequal. Children will feel controlled, suppressed, and disrespected. In such a situation, will the child still listen to you? He was afraid it would be too late to escape. For example, many parents feel that their authority is inviolable. So I never apologize to my children. \”Elders do not need to apologize to younger generations\” is a concept that many people insist on. I am particularly disgusted with this argument. Are all the elders right? Don\’t parents make mistakes? I still remember one time, at the dinner table. One child suddenly threw the eggs from the bowl onto the plate. His mother got angry and loudly ordered him to take it back. Because she struggled to fish it out of the hot pot on the table. \”This egg stinks!\” At this time, my mother became even more angry. \”Don\’t make excuses! Eat it now. You always make excusesIf you don’t eat, you think I don’t know! \”No, it really stinks.\” \”The child fiddled with the eggs with chopsticks aggrievedly. \”Come, Dad, take a look! \”Perhaps out of curiosity, or because he was afraid that the child would make too much noise. His father pinched it. Unexpectedly, he quickly put it down as soon as he put it in front of his nose. \”It\’s really stale and not fresh anymore. \”At this time, the child turned to look at his mother. But his mother seemed as if nothing happened. She just said to him: \”Then don\’t eat, eat something else.\” \”Why can\’t you say to your child, \”I\’m sorry, mom wrongly blamed you!\” \”What? There are many people who have been waiting for an apology from their parents. An apology will not damage your prestige as a parent. On the contrary, it will win the respect of the child. Let the child feel the sincerity and respect of the parent. If If you are wrong, can you openly say sorry to your children for the mistakes you have made? There is a saying: \”The highest education a person can have is not to lose his temper with those close to him.\” \”Because the people closest to you will often tolerate you. Especially children, maybe they will love you no matter how cruel you are to them. But this does not give you the confidence to lose your temper and scold them. Just because your children love you, you are also the one who can hurt them the most. People. You may not encourage a child, but you must never hurt a child with words. Because you never know how much harm your unintentional words will bring to him. Parents cannot pretend to love flag, using words to hurt children again and again. It can be said that speaking well to children is not only respect, but also the most basic love. It is also the most basic education for parents.