How many parents put shackles on their children without realizing it?

That day I suddenly became greedy and wanted to eat spicy hotpot. People are traveling as soon as they can, why should we hesitate when we just want to have something to eat? What\’s more, the Malatang restaurant is right next door. Let\’s go when we say we\’re going, change our shoes and get ready to go out. When my niece saw this movement, she got smart and asked, \”Auntie, why are you going? I\’m going too.\” I waved my hand, and the two of them rushed to Malatang with great energy. Since it was a self-service service, as soon as I entered the store, I said, \”You can get your own basket and choose what you want. Just ask for as much as you want.\” The little girl readily accepted it and picked out a bunch of what she liked with her own tongs. Next to her was a little girl of the same age as her niece, who also came with her parents. She was obviously hesitant and a little timid. She stood in front of the vegetable cabinet with her hands hanging down. Her mother stood beside her with a basket and a tong, waiting for her, urging her: \”Quickly choose, do you want to eat this? Where\’s this?\” He picked a few things and put them in the basket. The little girl pointed at the sausage, and her mother immediately said: \”You can\’t eat that one. There are pesticides in the sausage, so don\’t choose it.\” The little girl pursed her lips and lowered her head. The poorest one was me, holding the sausage. Stunned on the spot? Uh, what\’s up with the pesticides? Why haven’t I heard of it? Should I eat it or not? I immediately lost my appetite. The happiest person during the meal was my niece. She said, \”Auntie, can I have a soda?\” I gave her money, and she hesitated for a while before the various drinks and bought a bottle of Fanta. The mother and daughter were sitting at the table next to us. The mother pushed a small bowl of food in front of her daughter and said to her, \”I\’ve given you so much, can you finish it?\” The little girl\’s eyes rolled on her mother\’s face without saying a word. \”It\’s just such a small amount of food, can\’t you finish it?\” The little girl lowered her eyes, nodded and said, \”Yes.\” It can be seen that she actually doesn\’t know how much she can eat, and she has never practiced it before. By that time, her mother had already decided the amount of food for her, and used her tone and expression to force her to agree to it. That was the amount her mother wanted her to eat, not the amount she could decide on her own, and her mother didn\’t think there was anything wrong with it. The same was true when choosing ingredients. Her mother seemed to have asked her for her opinion, but she chose only what she thought she would like and what she thought was healthy. When she plucked up the courage to choose a sausage she loved, she was immediately impressed by her mother. Rejected confidently. From the beginning to the end, neither the power to make decisions nor the power to choose was given to her. Eating Malatang is indeed not a good thing. Maybe the mother has been entangled in coming here before, or maybe the child has difficulty winning the mother\’s consent to come. No matter what the reason is, since you have already arrived at the restaurant, it means that you have already done it. Once you’ve made your decision, let’s enjoy some parent-child meal time with your children. If this doesn’t work or that doesn’t work, then the decision is really meaningless. Whether the food can be finished by oneself should be decided by one\’s own stomach. The child must look at the mother\’s face to know, which shows how seriously the mother interferes with the child. This child must be carrying heavy shackles! Since when did children start wearing shackles? Is it the phrase \”If you don\’t obey me, I won\’t want you anymore!\”, or the phrase \”Why cry, don\’t cry!\”, the phrase \”I\’m doing this for your own good.\”, or the phrase \”For\”I have worked hard for you…\”, a girl may be even worse, because as soon as she is born, there is a \”be good and quiet\” person waiting for her. If parents habitually regard themselves as the key to the parent-child relationship Domination, thinking that children are just obedient, will result in a child who is full of \”slavishness\”. Slavishness is not just about being able to please, but is as simple as being observant. Children who are deprived of themselves by adults do not dare to try new things, dare not take risks, and dare not question. , let alone break unreasonable rules, lose the ability to think on one\’s own, are accustomed to accepting orders and execution, and dare not go a step beyond the bounds. Children with shackles are often better behaved, more sensible, more considerate of their parents, and do not find trouble for their parents. Trouble, don\’t let your emotions run wild. It\’s just a sign that you seldom touch the boundaries when you grow up and are too restricted. Parents think they have found a treasure. It is difficult for such children to have confidence when they grow up. , because he has been seeking the approval of others and relying on other people\’s evaluation. Once others deny him, he will feel severely hit. The philosopher Fromm said that people can adapt themselves to slavery, but he does it by lowering himself to adapt to a culture full of distrust and hostility; people themselves can adapt to a culture full of distrust and hostility, but this adaptation makes people weak and uncreative; people can adapt to a repressive environment, but in this adaptation, people have Mental illness. As a parent, no one does not want their children to become successful people in the future. However, if you \”enslave\” your child, then he will not be able to achieve anything, even the most vulgar wish – hope that he can get into a good university. Finding a good job and earning more money may be difficult to achieve. Even if these can be achieved, it will definitely be difficult. Because, in the process of his growth, you have already discouraged his courage to pioneer and innovate, and destroyed his ability to be independent. courage, and do their best to make him \”obedient\”. A child who obeys his parents\’ orders is like a puppet, and his greatest achievement in life is to be an excellent executor. Parents\’ control of their children is often due to Do not trust and do not think that children have the ability to take responsibility for themselves. In fact, adults do not give children the opportunity to prove their abilities. Over time, children really lose the ability to take responsibility for themselves. Scientists have done an experiment: put fleas on the table, When you hit the table, the flea jumped up quickly. The jumping height was more than 100 times its height. It is called the highest jumping animal in the world! Then put a glass cover on the flea\’s head and let it jump again. This time the flea touched Glass cover. After several times in succession, the flea changed its take-off height to adapt to the environment, and each jump always remained at a height below the top of the cover. Then the height of the glass cover was gradually lowered, and the flea actively changed its height each time after hitting the wall. . Finally, the glass cover came close to the table. At this time, the flea could no longer jump. The scientist then opened the glass cover and patted the table again. The flea could no longer jump and became a \”crawling flea\”. The flea became a \”crawling flea\”. , it’s not that it has lost the ability to jump, but that it has learned, got used to, and become numb due to repeated setbacks. The saddest thing is that the actual glass cover no longer exists, but it can’t even “try again” I don’t even have the courage. The glass cover is already subconsciouslyIn consciousness, it covers the soul. You definitely don’t want your child to become a flea in a glass dome, so stop setting artificial limits for your child, stop making decisions for him everywhere, and stop interfering with his feelings. What adults should control is their own inability to let go, not the children. Let go when it’s time to let go! What we should do is to strive to be ourselves, set a good example, and extend a warm hand when he really needs help and guidance.