How many people have been annoyed by the sentence \”After all, they are parents\”

I came across an article in Jianshu a few days ago. What arouses my interest is not the content of the article, but the comments. It is rare to see 95% of the comments on an article opposing the author\’s point of view. The general idea of ​​the article is that parents are human beings and make mistakes. Although they are not so perfect, they are \”parents after all.\” Don\’t complain and hate your parents, but learn to be grateful and understanding. To be honest, the author didn\’t say anything wrong. After all, three-year-old children are taught, \”Don\’t hesitate when your parents call you; don\’t be lazy when doing what your parents tell you; listen carefully when your parents teach you; and obey your parents when they take responsibility.\” After all, parents gave you life and gave you life. Raised. Even if you can\’t be like Huang Xiang, who warmed the bed for your father at the age of nine, at least it is immoral to complain or blame your parents. After all, parents are the elders. China\’s thousands-year-old traditional culture emphasizes respecting the elderly and loving the young, let alone the parents who gave birth to you and raised you. From a theoretical perspective, or from the perspective of most parents’ upbringing and dedication to their children, this conclusion is indeed correct. However, don’t forget that people have feelings and complex human nature. People have individual differences and different emotional experiences. The relationship between people is built up over time. Likewise, resentment doesn’t happen overnight. If you have not experienced other people\’s lives, you cannot ask everyone to be grateful to their parents with the sentence \”after all, they are parents.\” Not all parents are worthy of the title \”parents\”. I took screenshots of a few comments and found that for those who have been seriously injured in their original families, any reasoning is superfluous. Because the feelings are real, the experiences are real, and the hurts are real. Poverty limits our imagination, and similarly, happiness or misfortune limits our imagination. I went to Zhejiang some time ago to attend a parent-teacher conference. Through everyone\’s sharing, I found that some people, even if they are parents, still live with the pain of childhood. Because the pain of childhood was not healed well, it was brought into marriage and into the parent-child relationship. As a result, rifts appeared in the relationship between husband and wife, and conflicts occurred in the relationship between parents and children. Trauma that occurs in an intimate relationship is most easily healed in an intimate relationship. The most intimate relationship in childhood is the relationship with parents. Intimate relationships in adulthood are with partners and children. People often say that marriage is a woman\’s second reincarnation. When you meet someone who is tolerant and loving enough for the emotional trauma you suffered in dealing with your parents, your trauma will be slowly healed, and the parent-child relationship will not be prone to problems. And when you meet someone who doesn\’t know how to love and understand you like your parents, you will be traumatized again, and the parent-child relationship is often unsatisfactory. At this time, the only one who can heal you is probably yourself. No matter what method you use, you have to make changes so that you can grow. As said in \”Westworld\”: Happiness cannot make you grow, but pain can. If you\’re not growing, it\’s because you\’re still not suffering enough. When Zhang Defen, the leading spiritual writer in the Chinese-speaking world, was young, her \”territory\” was constantly invaded by her mother, who had no sense of boundaries. She was in extreme pain and suffered from constant interpersonal conflicts. Suffered from depression as an adult. The most famous psychotherapist and outstanding spiritual guide in the United StatesTeacher Louise Hai, her parents divorced when she was young. She spent her childhood in instability and poverty. She was bullied and abused as a teenager, and was abandoned by her husband after marriage. Is their pain a choice of their own? If you could choose happiness, would anyone be willing to endure pain? I think the answer is no. They are in extreme pain and have no choice. Apart from growth and breakthrough, they have no chance of life. Zhang Defen said: First of all, you must take full responsibility for everything that happens to you. Taking full responsibility does not mean blaming the fault on myself, but means that since this thing has happened, what method can I use to do the best. If you can do this, you will gradually accumulate inner strength, accomplish what you want to do, and become a happier person. Complaining about your parents appropriately can relieve stress, but complaining about your parents will only make your life more difficult. The parent-teacher meeting was held in a hotel. It was originally agreed that my friend Xiao Ai and I would stay in a room that night, but when we assigned the rooms, an odd number appeared. Xiao Ai is a very enthusiastic person and quickly said to the activity director: Let’s live in a triple room with Ye Zi and Xiao Yang. The theme of the activity is originally children, family, feelings and relationships. So, after a lively day of discussion and sharing, the three of us women went on to \”sing opera\” in the evening, talking about the relationship with our parents, the issue of children\’s education, the impact of our original family on our marriage, etc. Ye Zi said that her mother was very nagging. As long as she could remember, her mother would take care of her father\’s food, clothing, housing and transportation, while complaining that her father could not do anything. In the mother\’s mouth, the father is useless; but in the mother\’s life, the father is a treasure-like existence. She said that she used to be very divided, couldn\’t figure out the relationship between her parents, and felt that she had been living in a mess. And this mess was made by the mother\’s own hands. The more she rubbed, the tighter and tighter she became, and the more she pulled, the messier she became. She was tightly bound by this mess. She couldn\’t run away even if she wanted to, and no one would listen to her. It was very painful. Then, Xiao Ai came and answered: That\’s your mother, and it\’s not easy for her either. After all, our parents gave us life, and we must learn to be grateful. After listening to Xiao Ai\’s words, I felt an indescribable feeling of bloating. I guess Ye Zi doesn\’t feel much better either. Sure enough, Ye Zi said: But, I don’t want to come to this world! I said: My mother is also very nagging, and I have experienced this kind of pain. But as I get older and experience more, I understand three points: 1. No one can change the past; 2. My mother is really good to me; 3. Her nagging is the result of a combination of various factors. Not that she wanted this. Ye Zi said, I have let go of a lot now, and gradually understand that there are eight sufferings in life: birth, old age, illness, death, love and separation, long-term resentment, not being able to ask for, not being able to let go, and you can only endure it when you encounter it. It should be said that I am luckier than my mother. Through study, I can understand sorrow and troubles and enjoy the tranquility of the clouds. But my mother did not have such opportunities and conditions. Listening to what Ye Zi said, I knew that she had really thought about it, let it go, reconciled her relationship with her mother, and sorted out the mess in her heart.