How much impact does your anxiety have on your children?

A few days ago, a mother left me a message: School is about to start. She has a three-year-old baby at home and she has been taking care of it by herself. Are you hesitating whether to send you to kindergarten? The reason is that I am not optimistic about kindergartens, because there are often negative messages from mothers, for example, teachers are too cruel to their children, and children are too depressed, which is not conducive to healthy mental development. Moreover, my own child is quite sensitive and I don’t really want to give it away. However, at this age, children are very eager to play with friends. Seeing the child alone is afraid that it will affect the child\’s communication in the future. So it\’s very contradictory. I really can\’t bear the fact that my child has to be suppressed at such a young age, and I feel distressed. Hope I gave an idea. To be honest, who doesn\’t love their children? So how to love? This question had an answer thousands of years ago: During the Warring States Period, the Queen Mother Zhao had just come to power, and the Qin State attacked Zhao. The State of Zhao asked Qi for help. The State of Qi said: \”We must take Lord Chang\’an as a hostage before sending troops.\” The Queen Mother Zhao refused to agree, and the ministers tried their best to persuade her. The Queen Mother said to those around her: \”Whoever wants to take Lord Chang\’an as a hostage again, I will do it.\” Spit in his face.\” Look, a mother\’s love for her little son is obvious. I thought, if anyone wants my son to take such a risk, I will definitely not do it. Everyone was helpless. Later, an old minister named Chu Long came to persuade him, and he actually convinced the Queen Mother. He said: \”A person has a high status, but has no merit in the country; a person has a good salary, but has no achievements, and they hold many treasures and foreign objects. (This is inevitably dangerous.) Now you make Chang\’an Lord have a high status, and use the fertility I granted him the land and gave him many treasures, but if I don’t take advantage of the opportunity to make him contribute to the country, one day you will be gone. Why will Lord Chang’an establish himself in Zhao? I think you are too short-sighted for Lord Chang’an.” At this time, the Queen Mother felt justified and began to rise from the level of a hen\’s love for her chicks to the high level of parental love. This also makes us parents have to think deeply. \”Even the son of an emperor cannot rely on a useless position and a salary without achievements to guard gold and jade treasures, let alone ordinary people!\” We must not only pay attention to the immediate problems of our children, but also have long-term goals. Vision. Anxiety itself cannot produce any effect, but will become a burden for the child\’s growth. Back to the topic of whether children should go to kindergarten. If you take away the anxiety, you will have a clearer idea of ​​what to do. Be prepared first, then choose, observe, and go for it if you find the right one. Instead of rejecting it from the beginning, because the child will eventually go to school and face society alone. I don’t think any parent wants to see a son in his 30s growing old at home. At the same time, I blame you in my heart for harming him back then. The more anxiety you have, the more you demand from your children. Many people say that our generation of parents is the most anxious generation, especially the middle class in big cities. They have achieved their current social status and living conditions through hard work. They are afraid that their children will not be as good as themselves, so they are constantly working hard in their hearts. Not only do you encourage yourself to work hard, but you also expect your children to surpass themselves. Finally, the burden placed on the children unknowingly became heavier. There is also the overall anxiety under the rapid transformation of the social environment. to know usWe often breathe smog, eat rice and oil, drink water, and feed our children milk powder. There are endless problems. We parents have long been frightened. In addition, many problems that did not exist before have arisen. For example, more and more children are addicted to video games and mobile phones. In the past, at best, I was addicted to TV or too naughty. There are also new variations of old problems, such as school bullying, which have become even worse. I saw a sentence a few days ago that said that raising children and creating wealth are no longer as important as cultivating healthy psychology. Because today\’s children have more psychological problems. … Speaking of which, I really can’t finish it. So, if you want to be a good parent, how can you not be anxious? Appropriate anxiety is very normal, even if you make a mistake, it is also normal. Take it easy. Children are not as fragile as imagined. Just don\’t make the same mistake over and over again. No one has crossed the river by feeling the stones. As long as we work hard enough, I believe there is a way out. \”There is no way out despite the mountains and rivers, but there is another village with dark willows and bright flowers.\” Many mothers can point out a bunch of problems in their children just by talking. That is often the flower that your own anxiety blooms. For a family, parents are the roots and children are the flowers. If there is a problem with the flowers, it is most likely a problem with the roots of the tree. You say your child is sensitive, isn\’t it because your child is affected by your personality and becomes unstable? If you say that your child is not confident, it is often because your expectations are too high. Once the child\’s performance is not as good as expected, you will lose your temper, making the child feel that he is not good enough, causing frustration, and slowly becoming lack of self-confidence or even shrinking. You say that your child is not independent enough, which is often caused by your overprotection. When your child tries to squeeze out toothpaste for the first time, you are afraid that the child will squeeze it all over the floor, so you squeeze it for him; when your child tries to tie his own shoelaces for the first time, , and you felt that he was moving too slowly, so you tied it up while nagging. You always say that your child doesn\’t want to eat, but if the child points to the candy and says he is hungry, you just let the child eat. When it comes time to actually eat, the stomach is full but the child doesn’t want to eat, and then he is afraid that the child will be hungry, so he runs behind with a rice bowl in hand. The little children thought this was a eating game, and they had to play it to the fullest every time, and the rice would get cold. And when you are chasing, you feel that you have tried your best, but it is the naughty child who refuses to eat. This is often how children\’s problems come about. So before blaming a child for his bad habits, let the adults take it out first. In the end, you will find that the problem basically lies with the adults. Education is a kind of self-awakening, and parents must seize this opportunity for self-growth. Because many people will not pick up books again after coming out of school, but many mothers pick up books again after having children. There are also many people who, after they reach adulthood, feel that they have nothing to fear from heaven and earth, and that they are the only one in the world. After starting a family, there are also sharp edges and corners, and they refuse to give in to each other when encountering problems. No one will seriously reflect on their own problems. After you have a child, you will find that you still have a lot of problems, and they all show up in your child. Many people felt that there was something wrong with their parents when they were young, but when they become parents, they are still the same as their parents, and what is even more amazing is that it is also reflected in their children. The famous American \”family therapy guru\” Satir believes that a personHe is inextricably linked to his native family, and this connection may affect his life. Therefore, as a parent, please remember: you are now your child’s family of origin! You are re-creating a family. Things that were wrong in the past should not be continued; good experiences in the past should be passed on. Because you will affect your child\’s future happiness.