How painful are children who don’t understand rejection? People must learn to refuse…

\”When I hear her say those three words, I get a headache!\” said my friend, who was almost going crazy with her daughter. When she went to pick up her daughter from kindergarten, she saw her friend exchanging pencils for her daughter\’s bunny lollipop. The daughter pouted with a look of reluctance. \”Hurry up and switch with me!\” the child urged loudly. I thought my daughter would shake her head. After all, the bunny was her favorite animal. Unexpectedly, she silently handed over the candy when she was urged. On the way home, looking at my daughter\’s red-eyed and aggrieved look, my friend was furious: If you don\’t want to exchange, you can just say no! The daughter timidly replied: I dare not… My friend said that this is not the first time she has said these three words. Every time someone made a request, no matter how reluctant she was, she always nodded in agreement. I told her that she could refuse anything she didn\’t want to do, but she said she didn\’t dare… \”Don\’t dare, don\’t dare, don\’t dare… Why is she so timid!\” My friend had a headache. Image source: \”Forrest Gump\” I would rather bear the grievance alone than dare to refuse unreasonable demands. Such children are often labeled as buns, cowards, and cowards. However, not daring to say no is not just a matter of being timid and easy to bully. Behind the daring to say no is actually a lack of self-confidence. Parents\’ authoritative words and deeds affect children\’s inner self-confidence. The reason why my friend\’s daughter dare not refuse her friend\’s request is actually related to her strict discipline. The child wants to choose his own clothes, and his friend says, \”What do you know? Wear this to keep warm, just wear this.\” When the child wants to go downstairs to play with the child across the door, his friend says, \”That child will spoil you, don\’t play with her.\” After taking several Go classes, I felt I didn’t like it and didn’t want to take it. My friend said, \”You\’ve already paid the money, don\’t give up easily, keep going!\” \”But…\” Every time the child wanted to explain, he was suppressed by the sentence \”It\’s not that much, but you must listen to me.\” There were many times. , she no longer had any objections to her mother\’s arrangements and obeyed them obediently. My friend was once very proud and felt that his parenting was successful. Soon, the problem came. The daughter no longer says no to her mother, and the same goes to others. As long as the other person behaves fiercely and harshly, she will immediately compromise, even if the other person is a child younger than her. Image source: \”Sunny\” and \”PET\” say that it is not a problem for parents to have authority, but using authority is a problem. Forced by their parents\’ superior posture, stern expressions and commanding words, children have no choice but to obey and do as they are told. Ideas and feelings are not given due respect. Over time, children will think that their ideas are not good enough, their feelings are not important, or they have not done well in some way, so they will be repeatedly rejected by their parents. The inner self-confidence grows latent and secretly. Hence, when faced with other people’s unreasonable demands, I would say “I don’t dare” again and again. Image source: \”Stars on Earth\” Parents\’ constant denial and blow are the root causes of children\’s lack of confidence. In \”The Beautiful Sister Who Always Invites Me to Dinner\”, Yin Zhener is the one who dare not refuse in life or in the workplace. After breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, even though she was unhappy, she still paid for parking for him who didn’t bring any cash; even though she felt bored inside, she still went to the company party and tolerated her male colleagues hugging her and singing.Even though I hate my male boss very much, I still agree to go on a business trip with him. Behind her compromising character is her mother\’s consistent denial of her. Picture source: \”The Beautiful Sister Who Always Treats Me to Dinner\” When Zhen\’er had a conflict with her boyfriend, her mother said: Where can you find someone like Kui Min? It would be a bad luck for you to date someone like this. Just have fun secretly; after learning that her daughter\’s boyfriend was cheating on her, the mother said: Look at your age, you can just tolerate it. Seeing other people\’s daughters getting married but her own daughter breaking up, she scolded: Why are you so bad every time? He only sees his daughter\’s shortcomings, and blurts out words to attack her no matter how hurtful they are… This kind of \”love\” that is sharp-tongued and heart-warming makes her daughter live a flattering personality that dare not refuse: beautiful without knowing it, strong and strong Not confident. I always feel that I am not good enough and do not believe that others will accept me unconditionally. I feel that only by making sacrifices can I gain acceptance. Image source: \”Alice in Wonderland 2\” Educator Montessori said that once a child has a sense of inferiority in his heart, his life will be full of conflicts. The resulting bad personalities such as timidity and withdrawal will be inseparable from the child. Because of lack of self-confidence, I have all kinds of worries, and I am used to accepting with restraint when faced with other people\’s requests. \”You must be good and sensible to be a good child.\” Most parents\’ good child education methods make their children accustomed to blind obedience and dare not say no. A father said to the groom at his daughter\’s wedding: \”I will hand over my daughter to you today. I hope that after arriving at your home, she can take good care of the family, do more work, and do more. \”Food.\” The father didn\’t mention a word about how his son-in-law should treat his daughter or how they should get along with each other. He was just making unilateral demands on his daughter: Do a good job in housework and take care of the family. Only in this way can she be a good wife and a good woman. It is not difficult to see this father\’s educational philosophy: no matter what others do, you must first be a good child, be sensible, and think more about others. Picture source: \”The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel\” With such an education, it is not difficult to understand why, when the beautiful and outstanding daughter was asked what to do if she met a love rival, she replied: \”What can I do? You can only express yourself well.\” When her husband cheated on her, she quickly chose to forgive him. Her parents\’ educational philosophy has been deeply rooted in her heart, making her accustomed to being a sensible child, accustomed to compromise and obedience. There is nothing wrong with being sensible, and there is nothing wrong with being kind to others, but children should not have to suffer from being sensible and kind. Picture source: \”Sunny\” Psychologically speaking, a child\’s self-confidence and affirmation of his or her own value as a person fundamentally come from the unconditional love of his parents. Ma Yili once mentioned in a live broadcast that because of her strict discipline, her daughter became a child who was accustomed to submitting to tough methods and dared not say no. As long as my mother\’s voice is louder or her expression is more serious, she will say, \”Mom, I was wrong, I don\’t dare to do it anymore.\” When playing house games, other children would always ask her to be their baby. Even if she felt aggrieved, she would not dare to refuse. Ma Yili quickly realized the problem. She began to let go of her parental authority and condescending attitude in the past, and communicated peacefully with her daughter.Encourage her to speak her mind. In subsequent interactions with her daughter, she no longer used a commanding tone and harsh demands. What is gratifying is that 2 months later, faced with unreasonable demands, my daughter finally said \”I don\’t want to\” to her friends. Picture source: \”Minions with Big Eyes\” Lu Xun believed that the three most important aspects of educating children are: giving me understanding, treating me as an equal, and making me independent. It is equal communication, respect and understanding of children\’s thoughts and feelings that allow children to feel the love of their parents, and confidence quietly returns to their hearts. That’s when I came up with the precious phrase “I don’t want to”. As psychologist Li Xue said: You should love your child as he is, not as I wish. Love him for who he is, for who he is. Give him affirmation, encouragement and tolerance, and let him feel equality and respect. In this way, children with a heart full of love can have the confidence to be themselves, and can confidently say \”no\” when faced with unreasonable demands. Dear parents, if you want your children to live confidently and happily, then raise them as written in \”Simple Children\”: Don\’t teach them too many things, don\’t say too many things about them, and don\’t let your ignorance alarm them. his thoughts.