How parents and teachers should communicate specifically

I am a \”shadow teacher\” who works in schools. My job is mainly to help children who have adjustment difficulties in school to better integrate into the school environment. As a shadow teacher, psychological counselor and family education instructor, my main job every day is to observe the students I teach, understand his mental state through his every action, choose the right time, and find the right method. Help him improve his cognition, social interaction, habits, learning methods, etc. How do dumb people learn to speak? 96 effective communication skills so that you will no longer be afraid of dealing with people. On top of doing these things, there is another important task, which is communication. ——Communicate with parents and help parents provide psychological counseling; Communicate with school teachers and help teachers provide psychological counseling at any time according to the teacher’s situation, and conscientiously build a bridge for smooth communication between the school and parents. As a bridge, I stood in the middle and saw the scenery on both sides at the same time, which made me feel a lot about this bridge. Parents of children with special educational needs often find it a headache to communicate with school teachers. Some parents feel that their children are more likely to cause various problems in school. When facing teachers, they often feel inferior. They will put themselves in the same position as their children and wait for the teacher\’s criticism and guidance. No matter what the teacher says, They all admit their mistakes. Accept what the teacher says and never argue. On the contrary, some parents will feel a strong desire to protect their children when the teacher criticizes their children. No matter what the teacher says, the first reaction is to quickly find a reasonable reason, help the child defend it, try to shift the responsibility away from the child, and make sure the teacher understands that it is not the child\’s fault. In psychology, no matter which of the above situations is the case, it is the activation mode of the parent\’s self-defense mechanism. Especially for the second type, parents will deny it reflexively. For example: \”No way? This has never happened to my child at home!\” From the teacher\’s perspective, hearing such an answer, the teacher will feel that this parent does not believe me. Then you may probably think, I contacted the parent in an attitude of being responsible for her child, but the parent didn\’t trust me at all, so it\’s useless no matter what I say, I\’d better deal with this parent less in the future. Parents should consider that children\’s behavior in the group may not be exactly the same as at home, and the children\’s problems reported by teachers are likely to be less likely to occur at home. If parents argue or deny immediately, it will be difficult to form effective communication with teachers, and they will not be able to understand their children\’s real problems in school in a timely manner. The Golden Rule There is a very important rule in social psychology about interpersonal communication, which is called the \”golden rule\”. \”Treat others as you would like others to treat you.\” If we want others to be kind to us, then we must take the initiative to be kind to others; if we want others to be sincere to us, then we must take the initiative to be sincere to others. How others treat us depends on how we treat others. I once took care of a child. The integration environment of the school was not very good, and the acceptance of teachers and classmates was very low.. No movement is allowed during class, otherwise some students will go to the teacher to complain. In the first week after taking care of our children, we were complained by classmates almost every day. Every time the teacher would come to my seat and warn me very seriously that my classmates complained again in the previous class. I hope you can \”control\” this child. He makes noises that affect other children\’s listening in class, etc. One day, the teacher came to me again and told me that the girl in the front row complained that the child put his foot under her seat and kicked the girl\’s lunch pocket during class. In addition, he poked the girl with a pen. Let me \”control\” the child well, otherwise I will tell the child\’s mother and ask her mother to change to a shadow teacher. Because I had just arrived in this environment and was still in the running-in stage, I did not make any rebuttal. I smiled and said to the head teacher: \”Okay, I will try my best.\” In the evening, the mother of the child communicated with me on the phone and said that the head teacher called her. Tell her the two things the girls complained about. I told the child\’s mother frankly: \”The child stretched his feet forward. I did see it. I immediately asked the child to take his feet back and apologized to the female classmate. Obviously, the female classmate was still not happy. But the child poked her with a pen. I really didn\’t see it. If I saw it, I would definitely stop it.\” When I went to school the next day, I clearly felt that the head teacher who came to talk to me often yesterday was particularly indifferent to me today and treated me and the children. They are all very unfriendly looks. I thought it was because during the final review period, the teacher was under a lot of pressure and was very angry when our children occasionally made noises in class. I found out in the evening that when the child\’s mother was communicating with the teacher, she relayed what I said yesterday to the teacher, and used what I said as \”evidence\” to deny the child\’s behavior. It suddenly dawned on me why the teacher had this attitude. We put the golden rule into our integrated environment that we parents would do well to actively engage in empathy when facing teachers. As a class teacher, I have to take care of more than 40 students and deal with various incidents every day. It is normal to be exhausted. The fact that the teacher can take the time to communicate with parents individually shows that he is a teacher with a strong sense of responsibility. When teachers encounter problems, they come to parents in the hope of finding effective solutions to the problems through cooperation with parents. At this time, parents should show their trust in the teacher, first listen carefully to the teacher\’s feedback about the incident that happened in the school, and give the teacher a chance to fully express. Listening at this time is also a kind of respect. It is important for teachers to feel the respect of parents, because only by letting teachers feel the respect of parents can they truly gain the respect of teachers. This is the magic of the Golden Rule. Even if parents feel that some of the teacher\’s judgments may be biased, do not rush to argue with the teacher immediately. On the basis of full listening, you can continue to discuss with the teacher the real reasons for this incident and ways to solve the problem. In this process, the children can also be involved to understand their emotions and thoughts at that time. On the basis of tripartite cooperation, the true cause of the incident was restored, allowing teachers to see the sincerity of parents’ willingness to cooperate with teachers. Afterwards, discuss ways to solve the problem. Parents can consult firstAsk the teacher and see how he should solve such problems based on his many years of teaching experience. Although our children are special, in the integrated environment of the school, if they make mistakes, they need to bear the consequences of their mistakes. Only in this way can we further educate children on how to deal with it correctly the next time they encounter a similar situation. The way. I also once took care of a child, and the school arranged a separate classroom for him during the final exam. During the inspection, the principal of the school saw the child singing and talking loudly during the exam. He asked the invigilator to call his mother and come to the school the next day. The invigilator called the child’s mother at 11 a.m. It was only when I took my child out of school after lunch that I saw the message the child’s mother sent me. My mother was very nervous and asked me if my child had an emotional outburst during the exam? He also apologized to me, saying that he asked the children to do the test papers the night before, and many of them couldn\’t do it, so he criticized the children very severely, and it was estimated that the children\’s emotions would be affected. I quickly explained to the child’s mother that the child did not have any emotional outbursts. In my opinion, it was normal for him to be unable to concentrate and sing by himself, draw pictures on paper, or speak loudly, because children usually have similar situations. It’s just that This time, the school leaders happened to see it and made a request for parents to come to school to invigilate the exam together. I comfort the mother of the child, no other parents have this opportunity to go into the school to communicate directly with the teacher. The school takes such special care of you, you should feel lucky! The next day, the child\’s mother went to school and accompanied her child to take the exam. When the child saw his mother, he immediately performed very well. The child\’s mother also used this opportunity to communicate face-to-face with the teachers and resolve some previous misunderstandings. After the exam, the child\’s mother said to me: \”You don\’t know, after I received the call yesterday, I felt so panicked that I asked for leave and went home without having lunch. I cried for a while at home. Later, I received your message. , it really made me relax instantly. I felt less nervous and anxious when I came to school, and I had a good chat with the teacher.\” Parents who have a child with special needs need to have a strong heart. Because there are many things that you need to face and deal with. If you have an emotional breakdown, it will be difficult to deal with the problem rationally and properly. I understand very well how parents feel when their children are in trouble at school and suddenly receive a call and are called to school. It\’s likely that you have a variety of mixed emotions in your heart. There is anger at the child\’s \”incompetence\”, helplessness at the teacher and school\’s inability to accept the child, anxiety about having to put down the work at hand… These emotions are all normal, but parents have to solve the problem after all. If these are allowed If your emotions mess you up, you may end up in a worse situation. Parents may wish to stabilize their minds first and face various upcoming situations with a positive attitude. Convert complaints about the child into sympathy. The child has problems again, which means that his abilities and requirements do not match again. What I need to do is to find a way to help him better as soon as possible. I turned my helplessness towards the teacher into gratitude, thanking the teacher for handling my child\’s situation so responsibly. What I need to do is to carefully understand the actual situation with the teacher and know what the problem is.place. No matter how the teacher describes the child\’s performance in school, I will accept it patiently and never get angry with the child in front of the teacher. The main purpose of the meeting with the teacher is to listen carefully to the teacher, patiently confirm with the child, and then discuss with the teacher a solution to the problem. When communicating with teachers, one trick is for parents to try not to argue and allow teachers to fully express their dissatisfaction with their children\’s performance in school. After the teacher has finished expressing, ask the teacher for advice in a sincere manner. What should be done to improve the current situation? When this question is asked, the teacher will feel the respect of the parents for the teacher. Parents and teachers are no longer on opposite sides, but face their children\’s problematic behaviors together. In this way, a healthy communication channel is entered. The teacher may tell the parents about some of his previous experiences, or how the child should adjust now in the teacher\’s opinion. We do encounter this situation in life. Teachers do not have much understanding of autism, ADHD, or other developmental disabilities. Parents know their children better and have learned a lot of relevant knowledge, so when it comes to dealing with children with special needs, parents may be more like experts than teachers. Parents may also find that sometimes teachers use inappropriate methods to communicate with children because they do not understand children with special needs, which intensifies the children\’s problematic behaviors. We need to understand one thing. Most of the head teachers in public primary schools have no experience in educating special children. After all, we cannot require all primary school teachers to have professional training in special education. This is obviously unrealistic. But we can communicate more with the class teacher when we first enter the school to let her know more about the child\’s situation. We can introduce in as much detail as possible the appropriate handling methods when various situations arise, including teaching in small steps, diverting attention, etc., so that teachers can learn more about and understand our children\’s situation. We also need to understand that sometimes, class teachers are caught up in tedious daily work every day and will be exhausted mentally and physically from constantly dealing with tasks assigned by the school, emergencies in the class, and other trivial matters. When getting along with our children, we forget all kinds of professional skills in education and release all kinds of stress and emotions. Under the current \”double reduction\” policy, the workload of primary school teachers has greatly increased. When I am in school, I can see the busy figure of the class teacher every day. The tasks assigned by the school leaders must be completed, their own teaching tasks must be completed, and the tasks of listening to other teachers\’ lessons must be completed according to the number of times required each semester. Various situations that constantly arise for the more than forty students in the class need to be dealt with. Multiple assignments of each classmate must be judged within one day and then sent back to the classmates. Parents’ WeChat messages and phone calls must be processed at any time… From what I see, the class teacher is working non-stop every day. If the teacher has some emotions, I really mean it. Very understanding. In this high-intensity working state, teachers themselves also need regular emotional counseling. But the reality is that there are very limited support resources available to teachers. Sometimes, teachers will inevitably have some emotions when communicating with parents because of their children\’s problems. Parents should try to be tolerant and allow teachers to vent. IOur tolerance and acceptance will allow the teacher to slowly return to a stable mood after venting, which will be more conducive to our smooth communication with the teacher later. Finally, I would like to say that parents’ stable emotions are very important for our children, especially when we communicate with teachers in front of children, children will open their pure eyes and look at us seriously when we face problems. How to get along with teachers. These ways of getting along will become a way for children to imitate when facing criticism from teachers in the future, and will become the way they get along with others in the future. Especially for children in primary school, imitation and observational learning are the main channels for them to acquire various social behaviors. Their main imitation objects are their parents, teachers and their peers. Among them, the behavior of parents is the easiest learning opportunity for children. Every time we yell or even fight with our children when something makes us angry, in their minds, they will think that yelling or hitting when they are angry is the correct way to deal with anger, because this is how my parents deal with anger. of. We still ask for the golden rule. How do we want children to communicate with teachers in the future? Please use this method to communicate with teachers. How do we want children to deal with anger in the future? Please use the same method to deal with anger when you are angry. children. Every action we take tells our children: I hope you will do the same in the future. Each of our parents hopes that their children will learn and live in a benign integrated environment, and such a benign integrated environment actually requires smart parents to communicate with teachers, other students, parents, and their own children in a smart way. It is built up bit by bit through communication. We are grateful to every teacher, classmate, and parent who tolerates and accepts our children. We also express our understanding for those teachers, classmates, and parents who cannot accept our children, or even reject them, so that we can let our children The integration environment continues to improve. I believe that our sincerity will one day impress teachers and classmates. We also believe that our integrated environment will continue to undergo chemical changes due to our positive promotion, and ultimately everyone in this environment will become more tolerant and understanding. Our children will also grow to love this loving, integrated environment.