How parents can help their children go through adolescence smoothly

Some people describe \”adolescent\” children like this: a very mature body and an eighty-year-old brain. In a family, after the children enter adolescence, even if the parent-child relationship once existed harmoniously, conflicts will inevitably continue. The tricks that were once used both soft and hard have almost lost their power among adolescent children. So, how do you get along with your children, successfully survive adolescence, and usher in a new milestone in life? Psychologists have given 4 psychological effects that may be able to help parents. Translimit Effect: Instead of talking about exhaustion, it is better to believe in a story told by the famous American writer Mark Twain. He went to listen to the pastor\’s speech. At first he felt that the pastor\’s speech was pretty good and he planned to donate money. After 10 minutes, the pastor hadn\’t finished speaking, so he felt impatient and decided to just donate some change; after another 10 minutes, the pastor hadn\’t finished speaking, so he decided not to donate. Finally, at the end of the pastor\’s speech, Mark Twain not only did not donate any money, but also stole 2 yuan from the plate. This is the famous \”over-limit effect\”: a phenomenon of rebellious psychology caused by excessive stimulation or action for too long. The Russian fabler Krylov wrote about a man named Demyan who was warm and hospitable. One day, a friend came to visit, and Jamie Yang happily cooked himself and made his famous fish soup. The friend drank it and praised it full of praise. Demiyan persuaded his friend to drink three bowls in a row. But he couldn\’t drink it anymore, so Demiyan asked his friend to drink. Finally, the friend couldn\’t bear it anymore and walked away. Doesn\’t it look so much like you and your child? In fact, behind every repeated preaching, we are conveying doubts and denials to our children. Adolescent children who are sensitive, suspicious, and long for independence find it difficult to objectively understand and digest calmly when faced with preaching. The older the children, the more parents have to learn to \”shut up\”. Because the more you talk, the less your children listen. Parents take a step back to make room for their children to take a step forward. The South Wind Effect: The truth is as great as the warmth of parents. There is a case in \”Decoding Adolescence\”: a junior high school student, whose parents hope that he can be admitted to a key high school. However, he was very poor in mathematics. Even if he started to study all night long since the second grade of junior high school, he had little effect. The huge pressure caused him to develop \”disease\”. Suddenly he could not see the words on the paper, and the doctors could not find the problem. He wanted to talk to his parents, but the response was: Don\’t be pretentious. Unfortunately, he fainted in the examination room during the high school mathematics entrance examination. When he woke up, lying in the hospital, he was greeted by his father\’s slap and insults. That night, the child\’s pulse was cut, his life was saved, and he was diagnosed with depression. Adolescent children seem to be arrogant, but in fact they are extremely fragile and need their parents far more than you imagine. Smart parents never act as strict supervisors, but as warm guides. In psychology, there is a term called \”South Wind Law\”, also known as \”Warmth Law\”, which aims to convey to people the concept that \”what touches people\’s hearts must not come first from love\”. What can really inspire a person\’s inner drive is never irrefutable truth, nor is it strict discipline, but warm consideration and understanding. A good parent-child relationship is always the foundation of education. A gentle and firm attitude is the force that supports children to move forward in the wind. The more difficult a child is to take care of, the greater the need forParents are required to use love to resolve their inner conflicts. The Hercules Effect: Winning a child is temporary, but winning a child is lifelong. In Greek mythology, there was a strong man named Hercules who \”barred\” with a bag on the roadside. The more he stepped on it, the bigger the bag became. It was so loud that it blocked the way. Hercules wondered, and the saint told him that this was a \”bag of hatred\”. The more hatred you have, the more it amplifies. It can only be resolved by ignoring it. This story wants to tell us: If you make me unhappy, I will also make it difficult for you. There is no winner between the two enemies. The same is true for parents when dealing with adolescent children. I read a psychological counseling case online: Xiao Qing was dragged by her mother for psychological counseling, but Xiao Qing refused to come in. Xiaoqing, who was forced into the door, had no choice but to vent her anger on the consultant: \”Whatever you want to ask, just ask. I\’ll leave after I finish speaking.\” The mother accused the girl of her attitude and scolded her for being uneducated, which ignited Xiaoqing\’s forbearance. He was dissatisfied, had a quarrel, and rushed out of the door. The mother is very distressed. She feels that the older her daughter grows, the more difficult it becomes to control her. She always opposes her, even though she is obviously doing it for her own good, yet she is treated as her enemy. The counselor asked the mother, what should I do if my child doesn\’t listen? My mother said that I usually scold first and then hit. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! One netizen said: Adolescent children will eventually have a battle with their parents. If the parents win, it will be a tragedy, but if the children win, it will be a comedy. In family education, the most terrifying situation is when parents and children fall into a confrontational power struggle. Parents want to demonstrate their authority, and children want to save themselves. \”Parent-child hostility\” is about to break out. If parents regard their children as targets for transformation, the war will get out of hand. On the contrary, if you know how to give in, calm down and respect patience, the effect will be completely different. Remember: when we educate children, we hope that they will have the ability to live calmly and have a healthy spiritual world, not to make children submit to authority. Hawthorne Effect: Smart parents dare to let their children lose their temper. In 1924, a factory in the United States called Hawthorne hoped to improve worker productivity by improving wages, rest times, lunch environment, etc. However, no matter how external factors change, little effect is achieved. Later, psychologists intervened. Within about two years, they interviewed workers more than 20,000 times, patiently listened to their opinions and complaints about management, and allowed them to vent their opinions to their heart\’s content. As a result, the work efficiency of the Hawthorne factory was greatly improved, which is the famous \”Hawthorne effect\”. In specific practical applications, the inspiration given by the \”Hawthorne Effect\” is: \”Don\’t suppress and restrain those unsatisfied emotions, and vent them appropriately. This is beneficial to people\’s body, mind and work.\” TV series \” In \”The Big Exam\”, all the teachers and students in the school who were quarantined in the hotel cheered in unison from the distance after learning that Tian Wenwen had turned negative. Qu Chao, a classmate who couldn\’t stand the pressure of the college entrance examination, yelled like crazy: \”Shut up, she\’s in my business, please stop…\” Afterwards, Qu Chao collapsed emotionally and was alone in the room. , yelling, throwing things, no matter who came forward to persuade, it was of no avail. After regaining his composure, Qu Chao took the initiative to walk out of the room and silently sat next to the director who came to persuade him.Regarding this matter, Pan Xiaoxuan, another boy who fell into mild depression in the play, said: \”Emotions come in like a torrent and recede like a torrent. What is really uncomfortable is that it is accumulated in the bottom of the heart and cannot be poured out no matter what.\” Children, in the eyes of others, have the figure of an adult, but do not have to bear the pressure of adult life. As everyone knows, they are also under countless pressures that cannot be dealt with by outsiders: academic pressure, peer pressure, social recognition pressure… When the incomprehension from the outside world and the inner uneasiness and self-denial are accumulated together, they will lead to emotional collapse. . Even such a cheerful child cannot escape this disaster. Smart parents must learn to act as their children\’s \”punching bag\” at this time, guiding their children to release their inner emotions, empty themselves, and welcome the light. The book \”Positive Discipline\” points out: \”The best way to win over teenage children is to stand with them first with a kind, firm and respectful attitude. Let the children gain a sense of self-esteem and support through the support of being understood. A sense of belonging.\” If you have adolescent children at home, you must not turn \”education\” into a \”competition.\” There is no \”magic pill\” or \”magic wand\” on whether children can survive adolescence smoothly and easily. Only parents can return to their original aspirations and resolve it with love. There is no perfect child in this world, and as first-time parents, we are also crossing the river by feeling the stones. As we accompany our children through adolescence, we are their guides and role models for their behavior. Use stable emotions and a kind attitude, like friends and teachers, to accompany your children to grow together.