How parents can stop internal friction and anxiety

I read a true story on Zhihu: A family went hiking together, but when they got to the mountain, they discovered that their little daughter had forgotten her baby bottle. The father immediately started to get angry at the mother: \”Why don\’t you go out for travel? You can forget the milk bottle. I don\’t even know what you are doing with your brain?\” The mother was stunned for a moment, and then got angry at the eldest daughter: \”I didn\’t ask you to help me. Did you collect it? Where did it go? You can\’t do such a small thing well!\” Then grandma also began to complain: \”Humph, I think you have had enough, and forget about losing the doll from now on! It will be like this for the rest of your life…\” The eldest daughter, who was in her teens, suddenly became the \”target of public criticism\” and was scolded bloody. The good mood of the whole family going out for fun was all ruined. The most terrible thing about a family is like this – constantly consuming each other in small things. It was clearly an unintentional mistake that could be ignored, but they still held on to it, nagging, blaming and blaming each other, trying hard to belittle each other, and constantly hurting each other. As a result, the husband and wife are at odds, the relationship between parents and children is tense, conflicts continue, and the whole family becomes worse and worse. Children who grow up in such an environment are often mentally and physically exhausted, walking on thin ice, and live a life of pain and depression. So how can we eliminate internal friction, get rid of anxiety, and give children a harmonious, warm, and relaxed atmosphere for their growth? These 9 family norms are worth collecting by all parents. The \”dust\” on the body before entering the house. The happiness of a family depends on the state when we enter the house. If you bring all the grievances at work and the grievances in life home, it will only make every family member live in fear and without any sense of happiness. The \”kicking the cat effect\” tells us that bad emotions are contagious, leading to a vicious cycle. Home is not a dumping ground for emotions, and children should not pay for our negative energy. So before entering the door, remember to dust yourself off and remind yourself to “leave bad emotions outside the door.” Because from this moment on, we begin to assume the roles of husbands, wives, and parents. Our face affects our partner\’s mood and also determines our child\’s personality. Never dump your garbage emotions on the people who deserve the most kindness. Do not speak louder than 60 decibels at home. Stephen Covey pointed out in \”Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families\”: \”We are used to yelling at our families, blaming instead of understanding, commanding instead of communicating, and ignoring them all. The most critical point is: effective communication.\” Really effective communication never depends on who has the louder voice. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Some studies have found that speaking in a low voice is more effective in persuading people than speaking in a loud voice. Just like Hu Shi\’s mother, she never scolded him or hit him in front of others, but every time Hu Shi got into trouble, he would know his mistake as long as he saw his mother\’s stern look. In a happy family, everyone knows how to control the volume and speak well. Because anger will only obscure the problem, and yelling will only hurt the family and children. Don\’t cry over spilled milk. There is a Western proverb: \”Don\’t cry over spilled milk.\” The main idea is that for those things that have happened, no matter how youNo matter how anxious, regretful or complaining, it is impossible to recover. Life is full of bits and pieces, and we all make mistakes when we are careless and sloppy. When encountering these small accidents and episodes, ten thousand words of \”It\’s all your fault\” are not worth the words of \”I\’ll be with you.\” If we broke the dishes, we would clean them up together. If we took the wrong path, we would treat it as seeing one more scene. Family members should be more tolerant and understanding, and less critical and picky, so that they can be harmonious and live a better life. Don’t put delicious food in front of your children. There is a classic scene in the TV series \”Tiger Mom and Cat Dad\”: the mother specially prepared a pot of organic vegetables for her daughter, but her daughter didn\’t like to eat it and vomited it up. The mother angrily forced the green vegetables into her daughter\’s mouth, while roaring and complaining: \”Do you know how much these vegetables cost per pound? Do you know that this vegetable is three times more expensive than ordinary vegetables? It is not easy for us to make money. , now all the good food and drink are used on you, why are you so ignorant?\” As a parent, even if you are reluctant to give up food and clothing, you must give the best and most expensive things to your children. But blindly demanding and treating ourselves poorly will only make us more anxious, full of hostility, and more dissatisfied with our family and children. Before loving your children, don’t forget to love yourself first. Get your cell phone off the dining table Some people say that love is when a family sits together and eats many, many meals. Steaming meals, an atmosphere of laughter, and relaxed and pleasant chats, this is the happiest look of a home. But nowadays, even having a peaceful meal together has become a luxury for many families. Everyone is holding their mobile phones, either busy with work or watching videos, but leaving their families and children aside. The distance between each other is getting farther and farther, the estrangement is getting deeper and deeper, and the family affection is becoming increasingly indifferent. A deserted meal and no fireworks at the table is the beginning of a family\’s misfortune. Because the temperature on the dining table is the temperature of home. Remember to turn off your cell phone while eating, chat with your family about today’s interesting events, care about your children’s lives, and enjoy the simplest and most practical happiness. After the alarm goes off, parents should get up at the same time. The People\’s Daily once pointed out that sending children to school is not the responsibility of any one person, so parents should get up at the same time. In fact, whether it is housework or education, parents need to share it. Mom cooks, and dad washes dishes. Mom picks up and drops off the children, and dad helps with homework. If the two work together, the efficiency will be higher and the relationship will be better. When children see it, they will naturally join in and want to contribute to the family. A father who is not absent and a mother who is not anxious is the best nourishment for a child\’s childhood. Sit more at the desk instead of on the sofa. Many parents have \”double standards\” for themselves and their children: they never read, but ask their children to keep reading; they are lazy and dawdle, but ask their children to work hard and make progress. Wu Yishu\’s parents would turn off their mobile phones and TV when they got home, put down social activities, pick up books, and read and study with her. This is how to educate children. Instead of preaching and losing temper, it is better to demonstrate by example. Children grow up looking at their parents’ backs. Whether the first thing you do when you get home is lying on the sofa or sitting at your desk will affect the kind of person your child becomes. A family that loves reading and is full of books, the overall atmosphere is upward, and the negative energy will naturally be much less. Close your mouth, lift your legs, open the book, and demonstrate to your child. This is the best support for your child. Be a squatting parent. In many families, there is always tension between parents and children. The fundamental reason is that parents do not understand respect. If parents always suppress their children with a condescending attitude and use the power and authority of adults to control their children, they will only push their children further away and make them more rebellious. Don’t forget that children, like us, are independent individuals and need to be treated equally. In front of children, no matter how powerful the big shots are, they are just father and mother. \”Child, Take Your Time\” once said: \”It is not difficult to see the world of children from the perspective of parents; what is rare is that parents will squat down and see the world from the same height as their children. We are the same life, and we respect each other , we grow together.\” Respect is the foundation of loving children and the foundation of family education. Put down your high arrogance, squat down, and listen to your children\’s voices; when making family decisions, ask your children for their opinions. Only by letting children know that \”my thoughts and feelings matter\” can the parent-child relationship get better and better. Give Mom a Fixed \”Free Time\” Mother is the anchor of a family. If the mother is restless and emotionally unstable all day long, the family will be full of conflicts, resentments, and quarrels. Psychologist Chen Mo once said that the more stable the mother\’s emotions are, the more harmonious the family will be, and the more peaceful the children will be. Don\’t let mom take on everything alone. Dad should try his best to give mom some \”free time\” so that mom can take a break and take a breath. For example, give your mother half an hour every night and two hours every weekend. Even if you just take a hot bath in peace of mind, go for a walk downstairs in the community, enjoy some fresh air, or sit down and drink a cup of coffee, go shopping and buy some items you like. By giving mothers the opportunity to develop a life outside the family, mothers can release themselves, adjust themselves, and become a calm and relaxed mother. The most terrifying thing about a family is not poverty, but internal strife. Because everyone spends their energy blaming each other, hurting each other, and blaming each other. As the host Cai Kangyong said: \”There is an emotional account between people. Every time you make the other person happy, the deposit will be more. Every time you make the other person sad, the deposit will be less.\” The same is true between family members. . The more quarrels, complaints, and accusations we store in this account, the greater and faster the emotional drain will be. Sooner or later, the account will be overdrawn and the family will be broken up. The more love, respect, consideration and tolerance we store in this account, the more happiness and joy we will gain, and the better our home will be. A harmonious and happy family requires everyone to work together. Click \”Like\” and forward it to your family.