How parents communicate and get along with adolescent children

Early in the morning, my neighbor Sister Du came to complain: \”Nowadays, children are here to collect debts, why is it so difficult!\” When asked the reason, Sister Du\’s mood went from angry to red-rimmed. Sister Du said with a tearful voice: \”My naughty kid scared me to death! I just sent him to school because he didn\’t finish the homework assigned by the teacher yesterday. I said a few words, and he opened the car door and tried to jump out of the car! Fortunately, he didn\’t finish the homework assigned by the teacher yesterday. I braked in an emergency, otherwise I don’t know what the consequences would be! I was so angry! How could he dare to do this?!\” Sister Du said with red eyes, feeling like she was surviving a disaster, thinking about what Sister Du had just experienced. The picture made me feel scared. I couldn’t help but think of the news about a 14-year-old boy jumping from a car into a river in Chongqing. The little boy jumped out of the car and without hesitation rushed to the railing of the bridge and jumped into the river. He was fast and determined, catching the adults in the car off guard and not giving anyone the chance or time to come forward to rescue him! While people are saddened by the loss of young lives, they are also reflecting on \”how dare he\”? \”How dare he?\” Sister Du\’s son is 13 years old, and the boy who jumped into the river in Chongqing is 14 years old. One thing they have in common is that they are in adolescence. The writer Mai Jia once said: \”Puberty is a kind of danger, it can go to heaven or to the earth, it can be a knife or a flower.\” For some teenagers, adolescence comes so violently that their parents are not ready yet. In preparation for how to get along with them, they have begun a \”bloody storm\” about family affection. Puberty refers to the transitional period from childhood to adulthood. It is an important period for human physical and mental development. Generally, girls are 10-18 years old and boys are 12-20 years old. Teenagers at this stage undergo great physical and psychological changes. They go from being cute, warm-hearted babies to their parents, to beings like time bombs. How to guide the psychological problems of adolescent children? Adolescent children\’s behavior is more important than their wisdom. Whether they are angry or impulsive, adults are \”tortured\” and irritable. They feel that these children are here to collect debts, are time bombs, and are bad children. In fact, it\’s because their brains are not fully developed yet. A 1988 Oxford University study showed that when the average age is about 22 years old, a person\’s prefrontal lobe has developed to almost 80% of its functions, and some may even delay it until their 30s. It is precisely because the prefrontal lobe has not grown well that teenagers cannot control their emotions and do many things that their parents do not expect. Parenting Tips: The advent of puberty is one of the important factors for them to \”dare\”. \”It\’s really hard to have adolescent children at home.\” I received a private message from a fan before. She has a 12-year-old daughter at home. She said: \”I don\’t know from which day my daughter became strangers to her and I couldn\’t talk to her.\” After saying a few words, I would slam the door if I disagreed. People around me advised me to be patient and reason with her, but the ideal is very full and the reality is very skinny. Those patience and truth have no effect on adolescent children! Sometimes I can only \’ Fighting violence with violence, it’s really hard to have adolescent children at home!” Parents only feel that their adolescent children have brought them trouble, but they don’t know that they are also the “trouble” of teenagers. \”Health Status of Children and Adolescents in China\”The Social In-Depth Survey Report shows that 90% of parents do not understand the psychological conditions of adolescent children. When parents do not understand their children, they will communicate with and demand their children in the way they think is right. Adolescent boys and girls, their thoughts develop from children to a more mature direction, and they long for independence. What will happen if adults continue to impose their ideas on children? There will be children who slam the door whenever they disagree and don\’t want to talk to adults. There will also be children who will jump out of cars or rivers without hesitation. Professor Li Meijin said: \”The tone of your conversation with your child determines the child\’s attitude towards you.\” Using strength to overcome strength will cause pain and suffering for both parties. Adults feel that children are disobedient and unaware of their parents\’ hard work, like \”debt collectors.\” Teenagers feel that their parents don\’t care and don\’t understand them, like demons and monsters, and they feel like they are out of breath. Only by \”conquering strength with softness\” can parents use wisdom to guide their adolescent children to grow up healthily. Companionship is the best education. At the beginning of the new year of 2021, I was touched by a father. A father from Liaoning chose to quit his high-paying job and take his son on a trip because his 14-year-old son did not study hard. They traveled across most of China. In the process, the son saw a bigger world, the relationship between father and son became closer, and the son\’s \”heart disease\” of not wanting to study was cured. At that time, many people felt that this father was irresponsible and that leaving at such an early date was delaying his son\’s study. In fact, there is nothing wrong with what this father did. He resigned from his job to accompany his son on a trip, which just shows that he is a responsible father. If the son already has psychological problems and the parents continue to let him do things that he is not interested in, the problem will eventually become bigger and bigger, and the parent-child conflict will also become bigger and bigger. Writer Rao Xueman wrote: \”Company is the best education for children, and education is just different forms of companionship.\” Adolescent children seem to be particularly eager to be independent, but in fact, they actually want to be accompanied and cared for by their parents. The right amount of companionship must be grasped. However, as someone who has been there, I would like to remind parents that the right amount of companionship must be grasped. Try to do the following three points, and the relationship between you and your child will be more harmonious. 1. Give your children independent space. When my brother just reached puberty, I started to panic a little and didn’t know how to maintain a good relationship with him. When my child comes home every day, I want to stay with him every step of the way, thinking that I can let the \”mythical beast\” spend his adolescence safely. Until my son said to me: \”Mom, are you too busy? I am not a child anymore.\” At that moment, I realized that accompanying my child is not about caring for him every step of the way, but about giving him independent space so that he can feel freedom and respect. 2. Observe more and talk less. Many parents will always quarrel with their children. If you look closely, you will find that this family has an adolescent child and a mother who cares too much. For these half-grown children, excessive discipline from adults is like the mantra Tang Monk recited to Monkey King. Learning to observe more and talk less will be more conducive to the growth of adolescent children. 3. Wait until the child needs help before providing help. China has no shortage of mothers who accompany their children, let alone mothers who help their children with everything. sometimes yesFor adolescent children, parents\’ help is more like a shackle. It is recommended that you give your children more opportunities to deal with problems independently. If you don\’t ask for help, don\’t bother. Once you ask for help, don\’t blame and help. Adolescent children have very strong self-esteem, and excessive interference from adults will definitely lead to children\’s resistance, even if it is not now, then it will happen in the future. If you want to get along well with your adolescent children, what parents do is crucial! Writer Mai Jia once said: As elders, we have only one choice, which is to help our children become flowers, smooth out the sharp spots, and help them get through the most unstable and time bomb stage. \”I think using this sentence as the conclusion of the article may be able to appease the hearts of many anxious parents!