How parents ruin a child

How to educate children well has always been the most important issue in education. I remember what Principal Yu Minhong said: \”When a person grows up before the age of 18: family education accounts for more than 60%, school education accounts for 30%, and social education accounts for 10%.\” The gap between children is actually It\’s the difference between parents. If parents do not set good examples for their children, a lot of education will be useless. On Zhihu, there is a question and answer that has been quoted countless times. The question is: How much influence do parents have on the formation of their children’s outlook on life? The following upvoted answer is: When I was in my 20s, I suddenly discovered that the content, tone, and demeanor of my complaints were exactly the same as those of my family. How you are is what your child will be like. You want your children to develop the good habit of self-discipline, but little do you know that it is you who have ruined your children\’s self-discipline with your own hands; you have hit the most secret pain points of countless parents. Three bowls of \”poisonous chicken soup\” that harm children, 80% of families fall into the trap. The loud slogan \”Give children freedom\” is changing the parenting concepts of countless parents. However, the reality is that many parents are viewing \”letting go\” as giving their children freedom. Excessive love is the doting of parents; excessive freedom is the inability of parents to educate. You must have heard of the three bowls of chicken soup that most \”harm\” children\’s education: happy education, releasing children\’s nature, and free education. If you really educate your children according to this parenting method, blindly obey them and release their nature, instead of letting your children develop good habits, you will turn your children into naughty children. The term \”naughty kid\” has become very popular in recent years. As long as you talk about naughty kids, everyone will definitely talk about the history of blood and tears. For example, in 2018, the mother-murder case of a 12-year-old boy in Yiyang, Hunan Province still makes people shudder when recalling it now. The suspected cause of the crime is that after the boy was beaten by his mother for smoking, he was dissatisfied with his mother\’s strict discipline and became resentful and committed the murder with a knife. Through the life trajectory of this child, we see that he has lived with his grandparents since he was a child, with no one to discipline him, and he grew up \”free\” and wild. Skipping classes and smoking, the young students became tainted with the spirit of society. The cause of matricide was that the mother discovered that her child was smoking, criticized him, and even threw the child\’s mobile phone in anger. The angry child raised the butcher knife and pointed it at the mother who gave birth to him. This is just a human tragedy caused by giving children too much freedom. One reality we have to admit is that giving children too much freedom is slowly destroying their self-discipline. Giving children freedom does not mean letting them do whatever they want, but letting them learn to do what they want as much as possible within a safe range and under certain rules. And the kind of education method that pretends to release children\’s \”nature\” and give children \”freedom\” is actually destroying the children\’s future. Because, during the critical period when children\’s minds are immature and various behavioral habits are established, giving children excessive freedom and indulging their behaviors will only push the children into the abyss of eternal hatred after one mistake. How to educate children to develop good qualities? Take a look at these 6 Oscar-winning animated short films. Freedom with boundaries is true freedom, love with rules, and love with wisdom. Freedom with boundaries is true freedom. Give childrenChild love and freedom are not the problem. The problem is how parents can give their children true freedom. In addition to setting rules for children and asking them to abide by them, there is another important principle, that is, we must carefully observe children\’s behaviors and activities and adjust our parenting methods in a timely manner. 1. Observe the child\’s behavior. Observe the child\’s every behavior, every movement, and every expression, and think deeply about the child\’s development needs and characteristics hidden in these behaviors, movements, and expressions. On this basis, the child will be given correct intervention and guidance. For example, in a Montessori classroom, Montessori teachers must learn to observe: observe the order and disorder in children\’s behavior, observe how children treat the surrounding environment and objects in the environment; observe how children repeatedly do an item Work, observe their expressions and behavioral changes during repeated work, observe how children try to intervene in other children\’s activities, etc. When it comes to children\’s growth, our task is to observe calmly, respect the rules of children\’s growth, and let children grow up naturally and freely in a regular and prepared environment. 2. Give children the opportunity to choose. Do not touch this or do that. Children will be timid in doing anything and will gradually lose interest in many beautiful things. Dr. Montessori emphasized that adults should provide children with a place for free activities and carefully create a special environment for children so that children can move freely and conduct self-training and self-development in this special world. For children, first of all, they are very willing to accept this special environment and can actively develop from it through interaction with the environment. Secondly, the environment is permeated with education, and children can accumulate and master certain experiences or skills through choices and hands-on operations. In family life, even if you do not understand the principles of Montessori teaching and cannot create an environment, you can grasp the three main principles and as long as the children do not violate them, they can choose freely. The three principles are: do not harm yourself, do not damage the environment, and do not disturb others. Parents\’ lack of self-discipline will only destroy their children. Some people say that parents are also hierarchical. Parents at the lowest level are those who leave their children alone. Parents at a higher level dote on their children infinitely. Parents at a higher level are too strict with their children and never take into account their children\’s feelings. The most advanced parents respect their children\’s growth patterns, use words and deeds to influence their children\’s outlook on life, and grow with each other. Parenting begins with raising oneself, starting with companionship, being loyal to education, and forming three views. Although we are all first-time parents, we can choose to grow up with our children and achieve mutual success. I believe that self-disciplined parents can often raise better children. And parents\’ lack of self-discipline will only destroy a child. The essence of educating children is to educate yourself. As parents, you only need to set a good example for your children. Dr. Montessori once pointed out, \”Self-discipline cannot be obtained through commands, preaching, or any general means of maintaining order.\” Using various coercive means to cultivate children\’s self-discipline is not sustainable. Cultivating self-discipline requires a complete set of behavioral preparations. It will never occur out of thin air. Therefore, children\’s self-discipline in Montessori teaching isCompleted by indirect preparation. In all standard Montessori classrooms, the environment we prepare for children is beautiful, orderly, and has real equipment from real life. For example, small tables, drinking glasses, scissors, plates, etc. are all customized according to the size of the child. In such a realistic environment, the child\’s cognition and hands-on ability will be strengthened. Another example is reading. Any child who loves reading is not \”forced\” to come out, but has a pair of parents who also love reading and learning. Under the influence of parents, children will naturally follow suit. Any self-disciplined child cannot be \”said\”, but benefits from the words and deeds of his parents. Educator Ushensky once said: \”Role models are a very beneficial sunshine to children\’s hearts, and nothing can replace this sunshine.\” Mr. Yang Jiang also said: \”Good education, role models Strength matters.\” Parents who lead their children with their own actions are more convincing than telling them thousands of truths. If you want your children to read more, exercise more, and not be overly addicted to mobile phones, then when you get home from get off work, you should put away your electronic products, read books with your children, and talk about various topics together. Use the power of example to influence children subtly. Dr. Montessori wrote in \”The Mystery of Childhood\”: Adults have the right to decide children\’s education methods and growth environment and become their shapers. For a family, parents are the roots and children are the flowers. If there is a problem with the flowers, there is probably a problem with the roots of the tree as well. Children are a mirror of their parents, reflecting their parents\’ problems. Many times, if parents do not have self-discipline, their children will of course become more casual. As a parent, you must put yourself in the right position. Absorptive mind, the best education must be the power of example.