How parents should encourage their children

The elders in the family always say that my father and I are too spoiled to our children. For example, if Bunniu doesn\’t eat, she should be scolded and forced to finish her meal. My father and I always say, \”Oh, the spirit in your belly says it is very hungry and wants to eat some vegetables and rice.\” After hearing this, Bunu started to eat. After eating, she asked us, what did the elf say? We answered that the elf said thank you to Bunniu for feeding it such good vegetables, so that it would have the strength to defeat the bacteria. The elders in the family couldn\’t stand hearing it anymore, saying that their children have been spoiled by you, so how can they be coaxed to eat like this? Children are praised too much, and they are easy to be proud. The old man was right, but he was only half right. Children who are praised too much are indeed prone to pride and are not conducive to the formation of their character. But what my father and I did was not to praise, but to encourage. What is the difference between praise and encouragement? The difference between praise and encouragement. For example, after a child finishes eating, the parent immediately says, \”Baby, you are great.\” When children draw pictures, parents say, your drawings are really beautiful. No matter what your child does, parents will give you a \”rainbow fart\”. You are really so good, so awesome, you are simply a genius. This is a compliment. Because parents emphasize results. The results of children\’s eating are great, the results of drawing are beautiful, and the results of doing things are excellent and powerful. But what if, let’s put it another way. After the child finished eating, we said, \”I saw you ate all the rice in the bowl, and you also ate less than half of the bowl of vegetables.\” When children draw pictures, we say, wow, there is a small fish swimming in the sea, a coconut tree on the shore, and seagulls flying in the sky. This is encouragement. Because we guide children to see the behavioral process. The process of his eating and the process of painting. This process requires hard work to achieve or overcome certain difficulties. Praising children and encouraging children may seem to have only subtle differences, but their impact on children is far-reaching. The different effects of the two. The famous psychologist Carroll and his team spent ten years doing follow-up research to explore the impact of praise and encouragement on children. They randomly divided the children into two groups, and then used two different methods, one group used praise, and the other group used encouragement. Years later, they discovered that children who were praised were afraid to accept new challenges, had poor frustration abilities, and were unable to accept criticism. Children who are encouraged are very confident, dare to accept challenges, and dare to constantly break through themselves. This in the end is why? It turns out that a child who is praised as \”smart\” can be motivated to do something even for a short period of time. But when they are praised too much, they really think they are very smart. And intelligence is a talent that requires no effort. Therefore, they are not willing to put in the hard work. On the contrary, they are unwilling to take on new challenges, because if they fail, won\’t others think they are not smart? This kind of blow is unacceptable to \”smart\” children, so they usually rely on \”God\” to survive without working very hard. It was probably the case that \”hurt Zhongyong\” back then. He was smart as a child, but became mediocre when he grew up. But what a child who is encouraged sees is the process of his own efforts. He also understands that all success and achievements are not awarded to him by God, but are achieved step by step by himself.It\’s earned through hard work. Such children will be very confident, believe in their own abilities, and move forward courageously and keep making progress. Collect 50 recommended classic books for your children. How to encourage them in ultra-clear PDF version? Having distinguished the difference between praise and encouragement, how can we concretely apply it in our lives? Psychologist Rudolf proposed three types of encouraging words. Parents can talk to their children more in life and say them every day to make their children more and more confident. The first type: descriptive encouragement. Since praise is about the results, and encouragement is about seeing the process, when we encourage children, we should describe what the children have done so that the children can be recognized. For example, when a child puts all his toys back into the toy box, we stop praising the child for being \”great\” or \”so awesome\”. Instead, describe the process you saw. I saw you put the building blocks in the box; the dolls were all lying neatly on the sofa; the toy cars and robots were all back in the boxes to sleep; the floor There is no last toy, so clean. The child will be very proud at this time, and he will feel that I did all this, I was the one who kept the toys so clean, and I was the one who kept the floor clean. I am really awesome! The child will internally affirm himself. He feels that his contribution has been recognized, which will increase his sense of self-worth and be willing to continue to do so next time. The second type: Appreciative encouragement. A mother friend told me that once she went shopping with her son and came back with large and small bags. Her son took the initiative to help her carry the heaviest bag. , she sighed with emotion, it’s great to have a son who can help his mother carry the heaviest things. She didn\’t care when she said this, but later she discovered that every time she went out, her son would ask her, \”Mom, which thing is the heaviest? I can help you carry it.\” In fact, the unintentional words from friends are \”thank you encouragement\”. Thank you for your efforts for me and making my situation better. In life, I often say this to Bunniu, thank you for bringing me water, so that my mother will not be thirsty; Jianmu said, thank you for letting me go home, so that I will not lie on the ground and feel cold; Teeth Say, thank you for brushing my teeth so I don’t get bitten by moths. Thank children, even for trivial things, so that their contributions can be seen and their own value can be seen. When his behavior is recognized and encouraged, he will feel proud of himself and become more and more confident and have a better character. The third type: Belief type encourages the child to believe. It’s not that the child clearly can’t do it and is crying until he is shaking. We are still saying, mom, you believe you can do it, come on! This may put pressure on your child, worrying that he or she will not be able to do something and will let you down. There is a term in psychology called the \”principle of precedence\”. It refers to encouraging a child to try things that are slightly ahead of his ability. It\’s like a child picking apples. If he stands on tiptoes, he may not be able to pick the apples, but as long as he jumps up, he can pick them. What we have to do is encourage children to \”jump\”. For example, my nephew\’s handwriting is called \”dragon flying and phoenix dancing\” or \”chicken flying and dog jumping\”. He even showed it to me and asked expectantly, \”Auntie, is my handwriting good?\” I can never be ignorantSay \”ok\” without conscience, but criticism will only dampen the child\’s enthusiasm. English enlightenment teaching for children and young children: How to quickly improve English proficiency? Complete collection of parent-child English courses. So I opened my eyes wide, used the spirit of scientific research, and finally found a passable word. Well, I think this word is very good. , written neatly both horizontally and vertically. Later, when my nephew showed me his handwriting, he would pick it out and show it to me. Look, aunt, I write these words well. This one is very flat horizontally, this one is very straight vertically, and this one is very straight. Pretty powerful, right? I found that, without me having to say anything, he already knew how to write a good word and what details to pay attention to. I singled out the word he wrote well in his homework, which was actually my nephew\’s \”apple\”. Although he can\’t write everything well, as long as he jumps, he can pick off this \”apple\” and slowly turn things that are slightly ahead of his abilities into abilities that he can achieve. We need to see the child\’s \”apple\”, point it out, and encourage him to jump to pick it and become his own fruit. There may not seem to be much difference between encouraging children and praising children, but they will have different impacts on children. In our daily lives, we can say more of the above three types of encouraging words to make our children better and more confident!