How parents treat their children’s anxiety

A few days ago, my cousin, who is a teacher in a junior high school, told me something. There are many non-local students in their school, and some children choose to live on campus. A mother applied to the school for a dormitory where she and her son could live alone. The reason is simple. This mother is very worried about her son, who has just entered the first grade of junior high school. Either I am worried that my children will be playful and delay their studies, or I am afraid that my children will not be able to take care of themselves. And she even quit her job to study with her. Her cousin told her that everything was going well in school. Not only could she keep up with her studies, but she could also cope with life. Ultimately, the school rejected the mother’s request. In fact, I particularly understand this mother’s mood. My son also entered the first grade of junior high school last year, and I was worried at first. But after half a year of observation, I found that my son’s adaptability is far beyond my imagination. One time when I came home from work, I urged him to do his homework, and my son said like a little adult: \”Mom, I have my own plan. I will read some extracurricular books first, and then do the test papers.\” At that moment, I suddenly felt that my child had grown up. When I grow up, I am no longer the dawdling primary school student. Most of the anxieties I had in the past were unnecessary and were all caused by my own internal friction. Every child is like a small tree, growing at its own pace. The best way to get rid of anxiety attacks? Chen Mo’s 40 lessons on how to be a non-anxious parent are completed. As parents, we only need to guard silently, work patiently, and wait for the flowers to bloom. Let go of your \”high expectations\” and accept your children\’s imperfections. I have seen such a case. There was a girl who had good grades in elementary school, but soon after entering junior high school, she began to feel tired of studying. The teacher asked her to talk to her, but no matter how she asked, the girl just said: \”It\’s my fault, I\’m not perfect enough, I\’m sorry for everyone.\” The teacher couldn\’t understand how she could be so self-attacking at such a young age. It wasn\’t until I went on a home visit that I realized that the problem actually lay with my parents. Growing up, whenever she got into an exam, if she got in the top ten, her parents would want her to get into the top five; if she got in the top five, her parents would want her to get in the top three; if she got in the top three, her parents would say, \”Obviously she can get in the top.\” . In addition to studying, her parents also hope that she will pass the tenth level of piano, and preferably learn dance to become the artistic backbone of the class. It turns out that what weighs down children is not the heavy academic workload, but the \”excessive expectations\” of their parents. What they want for their daughter is no longer as simple as winning at the starting line, but becoming the best with absolute advantage. After all, there are many \”other people\’s children\” around, and there is no reason why their daughters should not be outstanding. But as a result, this expectation in the name of love has become the biggest stumbling block in the child\’s growth. William Dimon, a child psychology expert, gives the biggest advice to parents around the world: \”Don\’t let your children compete with those you think are outstanding, because children are different.\” Gu Ailing said that she sleeps ten hours a day, so you can immediately Force your child to sleep for ten hours, hoping that he will be as outstanding as Gu Ailing; Zhan Qingyun said that he can read five books during the summer vacation, so you immediately buy a collection of classics and history, hoping that your child can also quote the classics and speak in a clear way. I am a top student in the 985 program, and I also believe that my children can \”outshine others\” and become academic leaders… But the fact is that each child has a different flowering period, which may bloom very early or may need to wait. Don\’t let your expectations become the shackles that imprison your children. Relax and accept your childChildren’s imperfections; lower expectations and allow them to be ordinary people. Only when parents are not anxious and children are not nervous can education be achieved in a harmonious parent-child relationship. Slow down the pace and give time back to your children Business tycoon Kai-Fu Lee has always been a master of learning that everyone admires. Every time he was asked how he studied as a child, he would smile and say, \”Just playing, all kinds of fun.\” Although his parents had high hopes for him, they always tolerated his various \”mischiefs.\” If you don’t want to review your homework, you can read comic books; if you don’t want to go to tutoring classes, you can go fishing. If you are too lazy to get up early, you will deliberately set your alarm clock an hour later, but it will be treated as a fun joke; if you like pranks, you will only receive a warning if you call strangers. But it is precisely the things these \”bad boys\” can do that keep Kaifu Lee curious about exploration. He fell in love with reading and wrote his own \”Legends of Martial Arts Animals\”, which is full of jokes; he boldly tried to disassemble and assemble various gadgets, and his thinking and hands-on abilities were greatly improved… His parents did not fill his life with studies, but instead Cultivated a world-class academic master. In education, there is a \”J-shaped phenomenon.\” This means that in the learning process, children must first have a low level of accumulation before they can have the stamina to continue to move up. And this initial \”low position\” is the stage when children seek hobbies and explore independently. The most failed parents, no matter what their children say, they will bring the topic back to study. \”Don\’t worry about anything. Your only task is to study.\” \”Look, you are doing one thing and another, why can\’t you get good test scores?\” These exhortations, instructions, and even sarcasm and sarcasm will only consume children\’s energy prematurely. Passion for learning. Everyone’s starting line is very short, but what is long is the whole life. Why rush to run for a while? Slow down and give time back to the children. Parents can also get rid of their inner anxiety. Before entering middle school, encourage children to exercise, read, and go outdoors to observe nature; after academic stress, try to help children adjust, and not let them just immerse themselves in studying. \”Education is not about filling a bucket of water, but lighting a fire.\” Only by stimulating internal drive and igniting the spark of dreams can children continue on the long road of learning. Don’t spend all your energy on your children. Raising yourself rich is about raising your children rich. At an education forum, Yu Minhong asked Yang Lan: \”As a professional woman, how do you balance family and career?\” Yang Lan said sincerely: \”I think the most The important thing is to let the children see their parents enjoying their lives.\” Yang Lan once felt very guilty for lack of companionship with her children. Especially every time he went on a business trip, the children would always ask: \”Do you not care about me or love me?\” Yang Lan didn\’t know how to answer, so she could only apologize to the children in a low voice. Later, she discovered an interesting phenomenon. Some parents who are busier than themselves educate their children very well. She gradually understood that managing herself well and becoming a role model for her children was far more meaningful than just being around her children. Because parents have knowledge, they can provide guidance when their children encounter confusion. After thinking about it, Yang Lan loved work even more. But as long as I have some free time, I will communicate more with my children. She always firmly believes: \”As a parent, you should first have a fulfilling and happy life.\” Yes.Ah, if a person loses himself, how can he educate others well? Unfortunately, there is no shortage of \”sacrificial parents\” in life. Just like the mother in the opening story, in order to take care of her son, she gave up everything to accompany him to study. Once she decides that she lives only for her children, she is bound to get something in return from her children. The most common words said by \”sacrificial parents\” are: \”I have paid so much for you, but you don\’t study hard.\” \”Mom has done everything for you in this life, and you still don\’t know how to be grateful.\” \”Except for you, I I have nothing, I will count on you from now on.\” To the children, these words do not sound like love and concern, but pressure and moral kidnapping. The book \”Sense of Purpose\” writes: \”Parents\’ influence on their children is deep rather than broad.\” Only when parents enrich themselves and cultivate deeply in their own lives can they form a positive and profound demonstration effect. Living a wonderful life is also a love for your children. Learn to \”step back\” and let your children become themselves. American thinker Emerson said: \”If a person knows how to do it, he will never be unemployed. If a person knows why he does it, he will always be himself. \”Master of the world.\” As humans, our ultimate goal is to become independent and adaptable to society. And independence is not something you have to realize when you grow up, but something you should have awareness of since you were a child. There was a middle school student who was called in by his teacher for a talk because he didn\’t do his homework well. The teacher asked: \”Why did you write your homework in a mess?\” The student said: \”What\’s important about homework? As long as you do well in the exam, my parents only care about the results.\” The teacher stared at him seriously and said: \”What are you doing in life?\” Everything you decide is important.\” When reading this story, I was struck by this sentence. How many children regard studying as learning for their parents, and regard their lives as living for their parents. The reason why they have no self is because their parents never regarded their children as independent people from the beginning. In children\’s education, there is a popular term – \”helicopter parent\”. What it means is that parents are hovering over their children like helicopters, monitoring everything about their children. The child plays football, and the father stands on the sidelines; the child plays the piano, and the mother sits next to him; the child does homework, and the family surrounds him… If the child is closely guarded, how can he thrive in the wind and rain? Teacher Wu Zhihong proposed a famous \”egg-chicken-eagle\” growth theory. A child is like a little eagle. When it first hatches, its beak is not sharp enough and its claws are not sharp enough. It looks like a chicken with no attack power. When he grows up, he will have to fly on a cliff to become a real eagle. The whole process needs to be completed by the child independently. If the parents test the flight for him, he will always be just a chick. Independence is a course that every child must master. The only thing parents have to do is to be ruthless and let their children experience it. A little housework, an independent homework assignment, a choice of interest classes… can make the child realize that he is his own master. When parents let go of their hands, the child can spread his wings and fly to his mountain. There is a passage in \”Kafka on the Shore\”: \”A child is like a small sapling, and the family environment is the water for watering. If the water quality is too poor, the sapling will not only fail to become a towering tree.It will also wither and die. \”Parents are their children\’s guides, and family is their first living environment. Whether children can thrive depends entirely on how their parents educate them. Put down your high expectations, slow down your pace, and while nourishing yourself, give your children back their own .Only in this way can parents not be anxious or internally consumed, and children can not be nervous or dependent. Don’t let yourself and your children live too tiredly. Sometimes it is better to let nature take its course than to exhaust your energy. Believe that every child is full of energy. The small universe is full, and we ourselves should also have our own beautiful life. Click \”Like\” and encourage our parents.