How should children be educated when they enter adolescence?

Adolescent children are really hateful. I read a joke on the Internet, which said: Parents talk to adolescent children, just like loyal ministers admonishing them to death. Choose the occasion, look at the eyes, and weigh the tone: \”I have something to say, I don\’t know whether to say it or not…\” As for the baby, he usually looks like a faint king: \”If you don\’t say it, drag him out and behead him!\”… At the time, I didn\’t take it seriously and thought the joke was a bit exaggerated. Like my daughter, she has been very well-behaved since she was a child. Even when she reaches adolescence, she probably won\’t be so rebellious and unreasonable. But when my daughter reached adolescence, I discovered: reality is far crueler than jokes! Ever since my daughter entered the first grade of junior high school, I have been slapped in the face every day. My daughter seems to have changed. Her temper is getting louder and louder. She is like a powder keg, ready to explode at a moment\’s notice. As long as I have a vacation, I will lie on the bed in confusion, chatting with my classmates, watching videos, and playing games on my mobile phone. As soon as she was asked to study, she resisted loudly: \”Are you annoyed? You don\’t have to worry about it, I know!\” She always opposed her family members and disliked everyone, as if the whole world was her enemy. The whole family was in a mess. As time went by, I even began to be afraid of my daughter coming home. Whenever she spoke, my heart would thump… Gradually, I realized that the power of adolescence is like a thunderbolt. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. Download the high-definition scanned PDF version. No matter how well-behaved the child was before, at this point, she can penetrate the air, split you into pieces, and make you burnt on the outside and tender on the inside. Because, your child, with its wings hardened, will step on your bones to grow up! Adolescent children are actually very pitiful. \”The father of psychology\” Stanley Hall said: \”Adolescence is a transitional stage full of hesitation and ambivalent emotions. It is a turbulent period of life.\” Children at this stage often Problems such as withdrawn personality, selfishness, bad temper, disobedience to parental discipline, emotionality, suspicion, and vanity may occur. There are two main reasons for the emergence of these problems: 1. Physiologically – adolescent children with immature brain development have a \”very mature\” body but only an \”80% mature\” brain. Research from the University of Edinburgh in the UK points out that human brain development is sequential! During adolescence, the limbic system, which is responsible for processing emotions and pleasure, matures and is extremely sensitive. When children take risks, the emotions and pleasure they generate increase exponentially. In other words, the adolescent brain tempts and rewards children to take risks. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for thinking, planning and problem solving, basically does not mature until around the age of 25. This also leads to the fact that the limbic system encourages risk-taking, but the prefrontal cortex is powerless to stop it! Therefore, adolescent children are often impulsive, adventurous, emotional and reckless. 2. Psychologically – a leap in self-awareness. Teacher Li Meijin once pointed out in the book \”Psychological Parenting\”: Before the age of 12, weak children cannot face risky environments and strangers independently. Depend on the caregiver in life and emotionally attached to the caregiver. But as the children grow up, everything changes suddenly. Children\’s personal behavioral abilities have greatly increased, and their psychology has begun to change., he will ask to be separated from his parents and move from dependence to independence. How to be independent? Use the things that your parents care about to fight and defeat your parents, thereby creating your own authority. If you ask me to study hard, I won’t study. If you don’t let me have secrets, I won’t tell you anything. The more you forbid puppy love, the more I want puppy love. These fierce confrontations are actually sending a signal: my wings are strong and I want to have the final say. Parents must treat this long and painful confrontation process rationally. Don\’t misunderstand your child\’s desire for independence as rebellion. Disobeying parental discipline is just to prove oneself and longs to be understood and respected. The poor and hateful child needs his parents so much that becoming an adult means no longer relying on his parents. Conflicts and conflicts will inevitably occur between children and parents. However, these contradictions and conflicts contain the ancient power of children\’s growth, and parents need to take advantage of the situation and help their children grow. Therefore, when facing adolescent children, parents must learn to use wisdom to guide them. How to do it specifically? 1. Learn to close the door for your children. Adolescent children always like to use a door to separate themselves from their parents. Many parents always want to open this door, so you must first learn to close the door for your children. I saw a news story about a 14-year-old boy who called the police in the middle of the night because his parents installed a surveillance camera in his bedroom. When questioned by the police, the boy\’s father responded: What\’s wrong with me monitoring you? How much privacy do you have? Who am I to you that I can’t monitor you? When children grow up, they hope to have an independent space to grow and their own little world. If conditions permit, we can provide such a space for the children, do not break in without permission, knock on the door before entering the room, and close the door for the children. These small actions mean that we respect and trust our children’s personal space. When you give respect and trust to your children, they will also put down their guard and put away their hostile spikes. Only when the child\’s heart is opened can the door of the room be opened. 2. Learn to be your child’s “partner”. The book “Positive Discipline” writes: “The best way to win over teenage children is to first stand with them with a kind, firm and respectful attitude. Public Security The daughter of Professor Li Meijin, a professor of psychology at the university, did not do well in mathematics when she was in middle school. However, she did not force her daughter to attend a cram school and study for exams. Instead, she respected her daughter’s wish to learn music. Her daughter went to an ordinary school. I am now a music teacher in an art school, living a very ordinary and happy life. Adolescent children have their own ideas about their future. We should not rush to deny it, but can face it with our children. , listen to their voices. Even if it is some irrelevant ideas, try to understand and accept them, and become a \”fellow friend\”. Let the children think that you are \”one of their own\”, all problems will become easier, and the relationship will be improved. Relieve. 3. Learn to be a \”stupid\” parent. Adolescent children long for independence. They use rebellion and conflict with their parents\’ authority to fight for their own autonomy and gain inner value and sense of belonging. Stupid parents tell their children Reason, smart parents listen to reason from their children. Decoding Adolescence free full text reading pdf+epub+azw3 You can talk less and listen more. When appropriate, pretend you don\’t understand anything and \”ask\” your children for advice. My cousin is a master\’s student who graduated from a prestigious school, but she never gives advice easily when it comes to her son\’s studies. Occasionally I saw my child\’s homework and asked deliberately with a confused look: \”Hey, I don\’t even know how to do this question. How did you do it?\” My family bought a computer stand, and she faced a few wooden boards and acted like a coquettish girl. Ask my son to help install it. I thought that such a \”silly and sweet\” mother would be disliked by her children. In fact, the child has a very good relationship with her, and she is cared for like a princess. She says that in their family, the youngest and most in need of protection is her mother. Adolescent children want to prove their self-worth. When you are weak, your child will be strong and valuable! British psychoanalyst Winnicott said: \”If a child wants to become an adult, he has to step on the corpse of an adult to complete this growth path.\” Adolescence is the most helpless and most difficult time in a child\’s life. During a turbulent period, we should not create storms for our children, but should be their strongest backing and gentlest haven.