How should parents educate their children after they make mistakes?

It is said that when their children go to school, parents are most afraid of receiving a sudden call from the school teacher, because it may be up to something bad. So, when my cell phone rang with a call from the head teacher, my heart instantly rose to my throat. Sure enough, his son Xiaoli got into trouble at school. The teacher\’s description on the phone was that Xiaoli was fooling around with his classmates during self-study class. After repeated reminders from the teacher, he still refused to repent and was eventually punished for copying. After he finished copying the text, he took the notebook to the stage and handed it to the teacher. For some reason, he threw it to the podium from a distance, turned around and ran away. what to do if the children do not like study? What to do if your child is tired of studying PDF download [35M high-definition version] This completely angered the teacher who was always known for his strictness. He directly asked to see the parents after school to \”talk\” about his arrogant attitude. As soon as I heard the teacher\’s angry accusation on the phone, I knew this was something serious. With an uneasy heart, I quickly went to school to deal with the mess. On the way to school in a hurry, a figure floated into my mind. The girl who made a mistake when she was young and stood trembling at the door of her house, afraid to go home and face her parents. The panic, fear, and feeling of isolation and helplessness I felt at that time are still unforgettable to me. The child who made a mistake needs you to stand with him even more. He has reached the point where he needs to ask his parents. Before that, his son must have been criticized a lot. On the way to school, I was more worried than angry. My son is a child with high sensitivity and high self-esteem. When criticized by the teacher, he must be panicked, afraid and embarrassed. I would also rehearse the process of meeting the teacher over and over in my mind. But when I got to school and saw my son for the first time, I knew that before criticizing him, I should give him a hug. Because the way he looked at me was full of fear and guilt, but in the face of the teacher\’s instructions, he gritted his teeth and remained silent. The first thing I did when I walked over was to put him in my arms and whisper, \”Mom is here.\” Then I turned around and smiled at the teacher, carefully understood what was going on, and showed that I would cooperate with the discipline. Apologize sincerely and let the teacher calm down. Let this farce end for now. When I walked out of the school gate, a group of classmates who were waiting to watch the excitement gathered around me and started shouting: \”Xiao Li, you are in trouble, your mother is going to scold you to death when she comes.\” My son\’s head was buried even lower, and he pulled me to hold him. run. I quickly responded with a smile: \”Why are you scolding him? My aunt also made mistakes when she was a child. If she makes a mistake, she should correct it.\” After leaving the crowd, he suddenly pulled me and hid beside the car on the roadside, hugging me. \”Wow\” cried loudly. My anxious heart was finally relieved at this moment. After a child makes a mistake, the first thing he needs most is to know that the people close to him are standing with him. Everyone has been a child and every child makes mistakes. There is a truth in the emotion management classroom – deal with emotions first, then solve problems. [1] So I always remember not to preach when my emotions get the better of me. After returning home, Xiao Li sorted out his emotions and reviewed the incident with me again. It turned out that because he was criticized and punished by the teacher for playing, he was actually scared and embarrassed. When he took the copied book to the podium, the classmates all stared at him, which made him feel extremely embarrassed, so he was notI intentionally threw the notebook to the teacher, but I was anxious to hand it in quickly and escape everyone\’s attention. But this hurried action made the teacher mistakenly think that he was deliberately provoking and did not correct his mistakes. Facing the teacher\’s criticism, he was so proud that he had ten thousand things to explain in his heart, but when the words came to his mouth, he couldn\’t say a word. I was worried that my classmates would watch, so I could only pretend to be indifferent. The result is that the teacher is furious and goes directly to the parents. I believe that there is a reason behind every action. When a child makes a mistake, it is a very important step to let the child tell the whole story and his or her own thoughts. Be sure to understand the problem from the child\’s perspective, not just from other people\’s mouths. The next step, which is as important as figuring out the cause, is to help the child learn how to reasonably solve the problem. I reviewed the entire incident with Xiao Li, analyzed his inappropriate behavior, pointed out his shortcomings of caring too much about face and handling problems simply and roughly, and discussed how to deal with similar things next time. deal with. There is a saying in \”Positive Discipline\” that is particularly good: Only when a child feels good can he do better. [2] After calming down, Xiao Li frankly expressed his thoughts and listened to my opinions humbly. Finally, he offered to write a letter of apology to the teacher. Throughout the process, I kept telling myself to maintain a pleasant attitude and speak less and listen more. Because I firmly believe that lowering the volume and listening will make it easier to get into the child\’s heart than an angry and high-decibel rebuke. Later, my mother heard about this and asked me why I wasn\’t angry. I answered with a smile, \”Because I was a child too. Which child doesn\’t make mistakes? Whenever I got into trouble when I was a child, what I hoped for most was that you would stand in front of me and face it with me, instead of being cruel in front of outsiders. Give me a scolding.” The little girl in my memory made me understand that children who make mistakes also need face. Compared with adding insult to injury, the educational significance of providing help in times of need is more profound. After the child made a mistake, we needed to find an \”exit\” for him. More than a month had passed since the \”lost notebook\” incident. One day, I suddenly received a call from the teacher again. But this time, Xiao Li was tripped by a classmate and fell hard. The teacher was worried about hidden fractures and asked me to take him to the hospital quickly. When I rushed to school, the children in their class were having a physical education class. As I hurried past, I caught a boy looking at me with fear and anxiety, his eyes evasive and he hesitated to speak. An intuition told me that he was probably the one who tripped Xiao Li. Later, the teacher also confirmed that it was indeed the boy who, in order to prevent Xiao Li from catching his teammates during class, stretched his foot as a prank and tripped Xiao Li. During the examination at the hospital, the boy\’s parents took turns calling me, apologizing and saying that they would give their son a good beating when they got back. I had no intention of pursuing the responsibility, so I calmly told the boy\’s parents: \”The child will inevitably bump into each other when playing, and if something goes wrong, he must be scared and know that he is wrong. At school, the teacher immediately criticized the education.\” In this case, just ask him to pay attention next time. Don\’t punish the child when you go home, otherwise it will only aggravate the child\’s fear and make him feel that he has nowhere to hide.\” The other parent was surprised by meThere was no accusation or accountability. But really, I\’m not angry at that boy at all. He is just a child, a small child who makes mistakes and is afraid. Many parents habitually teach their children online as soon as they make a mistake, hoping that they will immediately admit their mistakes, apologize, and change their minds. It seems that only in this way can they prove that they have taught them well and that their children can be saved. But in fact, children\’s immature brains are still stuck in the anxious and nervous emotions after making mistakes. Psychologically speaking, when the brain encounters a sudden crisis, its first reaction is usually to attack, run away, or freeze. At this moment, he couldn\’t listen to reason, and all he wanted to do was hide and escape. Many people don’t understand why today’s children often choose extreme measures when encountering problems. In a psychology lecture, the professor woke up the dreamer with his words – \”No matter what, let the children have a way out. If something happens outside and they are reprimanded and punished, they will face more harsh criticism when they return home. , the child has no exit at both ends, and when he is desperate, he will end up on a dead end.\” When a child encounters problems outside, home is a haven of refuge. If this refuge is also closed to him, he can only turn inward to harm himself. The professor\’s words have always reminded me: Anger is anger, but emotions and events must be dealt with separately, and the child should be calmed down first before talking. Love and rules go hand in hand, which is more effective than scolding someone indiscriminately. Some people say that Chinese parents are very conflicted. Obviously he is willing to do everything for his children, even sacrificing himself, but he always rubs salt into the children\’s wounds when they are vulnerable. As a result, I thought I educated my children, but in fact I lost my children. When are children most vulnerable? It\’s when he makes a mistake, gets into trouble, or gets hurt. At this time, he was frightened and helpless, and most wanted to be understood and tolerated by his parents. An accepting hug at this time is better than thousands of harsh words of preaching. However, many parents, when they see their children making mistakes, will immediately yell at them, hold them accountable, lecture them, or even shamelessly rub their children\’s self-esteem on the ground in front of outsiders. Leaving the already hesitant and timid child in a lonely, helpless, shameful and angry situation. Once the words are spoken, it destroys the underlying sense of security and trust. As time goes by, the children become disappointed with their parents. When something happens, they will evade, lie, cover up, or simply break the pot. The essence of parenting is bonding. The more emotional support parents give their children, the deeper the parent-child relationship. When encountering problems, if there is a place to hide and someone to rely on, children will have the courage to face the problem and reflect on themselves. Smart parents do this when dealing with mistakes that don’t touch the bottom line. Rita Pearson, a famous American educator, once asked everyone a question in a TED speech: If a child does 20 questions and gets 18 wrong, then your What will the reaction be? Everyone talked a lot, feeling that such a poor performance must be disappointment and blame. But Rita smiled and said her answer: \”I will write a +2 and a big smiley face on his paper.\” \”Because you are getting better, you are not all wrong, and you got two questions right. \”The audience burst into thunderous applause. This is the essence of education and lessons.difference. \”-18\” makes people feel like \”I\’m so bad.\” \”+2\” means \”I can do better\”. When children make mistakes, smart parents never rush to make amends. Instead, they put down their \”zero tolerance\” attitude towards mistakes, regard mistakes as an opportunity for growth, face and solve them together, and \”correct\” rather than \”pinch\”. wrong\”. Polish writer Sienkiewicz once said: “If every child can have a gentle hand to guide him forward, instead of kicking him in the chest, then education can better fulfill its mission. \”