How should parents love their children so as not to fall into the trap of doting?

A few days ago, a mother asked me. \”What kind of education is considered pampering? Why do my friends think I am pampering?\” Why do my friends think she is pampering? For example, when educating her children, she does not touch them, but uses the method of making them stand. For example, when buying things for your children, you will ask your children’s opinions and truly respect their choices. I think it\’s very good. This is care and respect for the children. If this is doting, then love your children more. It\’s autumn and I plan to buy a sleeping bag for Xiao Xiaoyu. As for the color and style, I will let him choose it online. From a young age, he must be involved in the decision-making of many things prepared for him. As for the shape of the building blocks he laid out, I will not change it without his permission. But sometimes the old man just likes to move, and he ends up crying and making trouble. Seeing the children making so much noise, the neighbors who came to play couldn\’t stand it anymore. He said he would help me find a big stick to spank him. He was too scared to cry. I said it was because the adult messed up the building blocks. If you want to spank, you have to spank the adult first. The little guy felt relieved and continued to cry. But I didn’t cry for long and finally calmed down. So many people say that I dote on him so much that I almost plucked the moon out of the sky. Nowadays, he often sheds tears. When relatives saw him, they said it was embarrassing for a man to cry so much. As a result, I cried even more. My wife said she just didn\’t hit her enough and she got too used to it. I said boys can cry too! Faces at this age don\’t just change at will, just talk nicely and it\’ll be fine. After reading these sharings of mine, I think many mothers will feel relieved. It turns out they are almost the same! In this world, the ways of loving children are all the same. But the situation of not loving is all kinds of strange. We say doting, but in fact many children have never received love at all. Parents are indifferent, focus on their career for a long time, and ignore the growth of their children. When encountering problems with children, I always think about how to solve them faster. \”Don\’t cry! I\’m not in the mood to hear you cry!\” \”Don\’t dawdle, I don\’t have time to wait for you!\” \”Don\’t bother me, I\’m very busy!\” \”Read the storybook by yourself, don\’t always look for me!\” I think a lot Parents have all had this fantasy: How wonderful it would be if their children\’s problems would disappear naturally and they could grow up obediently and quickly! Indeed, raising a child is very difficult. The raising mentioned here does not mean feeding and raising. It is not the animal instinct to reproduce from generation to generation. It is about cultivating him into a mentally mature and mentally healthy person. This requires parents to pay attention to their children\’s inner growth and care for their souls. When your child loses his temper, you need to see and respond to him. If your child is dawdling, you can find the reason, help him, and wait for him. When children bother you, most of the time they are actually calling for love and conveying love at the same time. You need to spend part of your time with your children, which may seem like a waste of time. So, before you worry about spoiling your children, or accuse other parents of spoiling their children. We need to see first, is there love? Another view is that if a child receives too much love from his parents but does not suffer setbacks or rejection, he will not be able to adapt to society in the future. It seems that parents must give their children some beatings and scoldings, and feel the overwhelming emotional shock, so that they can learn to beg for mercy. Only then can you learn to withstand being beaten and scolded outside.Learn to please and beg for mercy. Is this logic correct? Upon hearing it, it actually makes sense. , However, in true love, there are also rules, rejections, and punishments. This does not conflict with love! Moreover, those who really cannot adapt to society are often those children who have been beaten and scolded constantly since childhood and lack real care from their parents. Their childhoods were painful and insecure. A person\’s childhood relationship model, internal relationship model and current relationship model will be consistent, so we say that the family of origin will affect a person\’s life. What was the child\’s relationship with his parents and family when he was a child? Even as an adult, there is still a shadow on my mind, leaving an indelible mark. People who lack love and security may feel inferior and timid when interacting, and may hesitate to move forward. Or you may be rude and rude to others, and you may not be able to trust others. Not to mention people, just look at puppies. Those puppies who have been disliked by their owners since childhood and do not have enough to eat or sleep well tend to hide from people when they see them. Or it will bark at you unexpectedly. Even if they meet familiar people, they will not wag their tails, because the world they have experienced is always full of traces of being hurt. And what about the children? Their hearts will be more sensitive and psychologically more complex. Give him lots of love and he will be gentle and kind to others. Although there are bad people in society, it does not mean that we have to be bad people. We can still be a warm and good person, but remember to be on guard before confirming safety. When loving your children, please remember to \”principle, but without conditions.\” This way you won\’t fall into the trap of coddling. I think we can talk about it from the following points: Give your children warm love without conditions. This love mostly comes from the mother. It starts in infancy. I have been emphasizing the need to respond positively to children, especially babies who are a few months old. They sit in their strollers, sometimes squealing with excitement, sometimes in a daze. All of these moments, they demand your attention. Because when babies are a few months old, they become one with their mothers. They will feel that they are their mother and their mother is themselves. Your timely presence and response will make him feel comfortable. Even if the child reaches five or six years old. I still long for my parents’ kisses and hugs. Some mothers don’t know whether to be closer to their sons. Because I don’t understand boys, I have all kinds of worries. I also heard various opinions about not being too close to boys and training their independence. In fact, these are all one-sided remarks. Boys also long for the close love of their parents. But their expression may not be that clear. Respect children\’s choices and actively guide them. Let’s first see what you would do if this happened? When a child sees ice cream for sale in a small shop, but the weather has turned cold recently, eating ice cream may cause him diarrhea. But he insists, what should you do? Do we need to respect our children’s choices? If it were me, I would tell him no, then analyze it for him, discuss it, and reach a consensus. Therefore, when respecting your children’s choices, you must add “positive guidance”. Of course, some mothers said that their children had no choice in this matter. Many times, children choose things that are unreasonable or not what they want. For example, buy a study desk for your child. The color your child likes, andThe decoration style of my home does not match, and it is too big, but the rooms are small. What should I do? We can first empathize, affirm his choice from the child\’s perspective, and tell him that we see your choice and want to do the same. Then it can be analyzed according to the specific situation. When your children see your respect and care. They often choose to give in. Then we can discuss a suitable plan together. Take into account the child\’s feelings and provide timely feedback. Many times, parents consider their children\’s feelings and seem to be too \”submissive\” to their children. So it will be regarded as doting. In the actual parenting process, children can be encouraged to do anything they can do until they can do it independently. If your child cannot do something, please help him in time. Don\’t make fun of or tease the child. This is heartfelt love, not doting. \”Hitting you is for good. I beat you and scold you because I love you and care about you!\” This is the mantra of many parents. Look at people, if they are willing to beat them, this is not doting. Look at you, you depend on your child for everything. But, is beating and scolding considered love? Also, love must come with rules. Love and rules are two sides of the same hand. Without anyone, it won’t work. Is there true doting in this world? Of course there are, and there are many more. It is almost an animal instinct for parents to spoil their children. Look at those parents who have been eaten up, full of regret and helplessness. I can love you but not do everything for you. I want you to be happy, but not based on my pain. Those who should be pushed away should be pushed away ruthlessly. Let him suffer what he deserves. The world is so big, you have to rely on yourself in the end. Love with rules will not get out of control. I think that if you give your child real love and respect, this child will be fine when he grows up!