How should parents respond if their children are isolated at school?

According to surveys, about 5%-6% of children have been rejected or even isolated by other children when they go to school, and therefore fear going to school. If this \”isolation\” continues, it may leave an indelible psychological shadow on the child\’s childhood, and the child may become low self-esteem, depressed, withdrawn, or even behave strangely. After school, I found that my son, who was usually chirping, looked depressed, so I asked him: Are you happy at school today? My son replied listlessly: If I’m not happy, no one wants to play with me. Although this is a common problem when children are growing up, as a parent, it is still very sad to hear this. Realizing that there was something wrong with my child\’s interpersonal relationship, I decided to help him in the following ways: First, calm the child\’s psychology and communicate to find answers. I held the child in my arms, first let him feel the comfort of his mother, and then patted him. His back told him: Mom knows you did well in school. After hearing this, the child\’s hands tightly hugged my waist, and the child\’s body language proved that he accepted my affirmation. The child said: But I don’t know why my classmates don’t like to play with me? At this time, I let the child sit on my lap, touched his head and taught him the \”secrets\” of making friends: as the old saying goes: a kind word warms the winter. Everyone wants to feel appreciated by others, so when getting along with classmates and friends, you must know how to sincerely praise each other, so that others will like you. \”So what is a sincere compliment?\” It\’s actually very simple. Praise based on facts is called sincere. For example: There is a classmate who takes the initiative to say hello to his teacher and classmates when he sees him. Then we can praise him for being a polite child. This is a sincere compliment. Second, contact the class teacher to understand the child’s recess situation. Because I didn\’t know the specific situation, I contacted the class teacher. Through communicating with the teacher, I found out that the child was fine in class, so the problem should be after class, and the students who spent the most time with the child after class were his classmates. Third, learn about the situation from your friends and find the root cause. A lot can happen in a day, and children generally can only remember experiences that made them happy or sad. To fully understand the situation, I had to start with my son’s classmates and guide them in a semi-joking way to talk about each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Before picking up my son from school, I found a few classmates who usually play well with my son and expressed my desire to play a game with them: tell me what you like most and least (no need to hate, sensitive words here) It will make students feel hesitant and unable to open up.) Please tell me the reason by the way. After talking like this, I discovered the problem: my children always like to criticize other children at school. If a friend fails to finish his homework, he will criticize him when he checks it. If a friend asks him a question, the child will always say after answering: You are so stupid. Gradually, no one was willing to play with him. Fourth, after clarifying the reasons, tell the child what he did wrong and help him get rid of his bad habits. Although I found the reason, in order to take into account the child\’s feelings, I did not preach to him immediately. Instead, when I got home, I called him to my side, took my son\’s hand and told him: I found a bad thing coming from you. Habit. The child lowered his head, and I continued: Everyone has bad habits, change themYou are still a good boy, right? The child reached out and hugged me, leaning gently on my shoulder. I continued: 1. There is nothing wrong with completing the homework assigned by the teacher on time, and there is nothing wrong with being the teacher\’s little helper to check the homework of classmates, but everyone may make mistakes. If a friend fails to do his homework well, we can remind him or follow the teacher\’s rules, but we should not scold him. 2. Helping students answer questions is an act worthy of praise, but we cannot say that others are stupid just because we can do it ourselves. Maybe others are just not familiar with that knowledge point and cannot do it for the time being. If someone always blames and criticizes you, would you still be willing to play with them? The child shook his head. Having said this, I believe he has realized his mistake. In this matter, I not only want the child to recognize his own mistakes, but also want him to understand and tolerate his friends\’ alienation from him. Fifth, put yourself in someone else\’s shoes, understand the child\’s feelings when being blamed, and resonate with the child. I pulled the child away from my shoulders and told him: My mother made similar mistakes when she was a child, but it is not terrible to make mistakes. The most important thing is that we must dare to face our mistakes and know how to avoid such mistakes in future life. The child looked at me in surprise. It turned out that my mother had also made this mistake. Yes, I told my son that I have criticized others. However, would you be unhappy if your best friend or classmate always criticized you? If you are unhappy, will you still like to play with people who criticize you? The child shook his head. So, it’s normal for your classmates not to play with you, right? Mom believes you will know what to do in the future. Appropriate affirmation is one of the motivations to encourage him to change his bad habits. People always grow up by making mistakes. I believe many mothers have encountered similar problems. So, how should we respond and help our children correct their mistakes? I have summarized three methods: 1: Listen to the children and understand the problem. When we find that our children are depressed or are told by their children that they are worried, we should learn about the situation in a timely manner. In real life, we often think that children are just playing tricks or think that what children say are trivial things and are forgotten after playing and do not need to be paid attention to. Sometimes we also have no time to take care of children due to work pressure and busy housework or simply throw them away. One sentence: Children eat and play. What’s the sad thing about eating after playing? Or you can buy a toy and let the child play Honor of Kings for a while, diverting the child\’s attention with the mentality of treating the symptoms rather than the root cause. In a child\’s mind, belittling or perfunctory about his concerns is a sign of not loving him, and for us parents, the behavior of ignoring will become a regret on the child\’s growth path. The fact that the child is willing to talk to us proves that the child believes in us and hopes that we can help him. Therefore, learning to listen and growing synchronously is the magic weapon to get into the heart of children. Two: Look for problems in multiple directions to help children improve themselves. We have to tell our children: 1. We can ask ourselves to solve everything perfectly, but we cannot criticize others harshly, because everyone has different consciousness and different intellectual development periods, so everyone needs the time and method to solve the problem. Not the same either. 2. Do everything right, not the person. Look more at what others have done well, and don’t criticize them directly for their shortcomings. Instead, learn to useHelp with a positive attitude. Three: Emotional empathy, empathizing with others to teach children to think from others\’ perspective, allowing children to feel the shame, anger and hurt after being criticized and reprimanded, so as to understand and tolerate the behavior of others. Do parents calm down and help their children to calm down when they feel emotional? When parents discover that their children have problems, do they calmly give solutions? How do parents deal with these issues? These will have an impact on children. Therefore, we must actively face every little thing in our children\’s growth, so that we can finally get the child we want.