How to awaken children\’s inner awakening?

I have a niece whose family is in good condition, and her parents have a good relationship with her. The child is sensible and obedient, but there is a problem, that is, she is never interested in studying and becomes irritable when it comes to studying. For this reason, the family used all kinds of tricks. For example, if she did well in the exam, she would be rewarded with a certain amount of money. If she still did the same, she would be sent back to her hometown. However, she remained motionless. There are many children in this situation. If they are not interested in learning, then, no matter whether you give them hard or soft teaching, they are just unwilling to take action. At most, they are just squirming a little bit driven by \”pressure\”. It is simply more difficult to get them to study consciously and actively! The Irish poet Yeats said something that has been quoted by education experts around the world: \”Education is not filling a bucket of water, but lighting a fire.\” Only by igniting children\’s desire for knowledge and cultivating their enthusiasm for active learning and acquiring knowledge can the highest realm of education be achieved. To ignite this fire requires a kind of power, and this power is inner driving force. What is intrinsic driving force? The definition of intrinsic drive: It is an internal state of arousal or tension based on needs, which manifests as the internal motivation to promote organism activities to satisfy needs. To put it simply, I am missing something. Without this thing, I will feel very sad. This sense of lack will push me to do something. For example, I am very poor now and I need money. In order to get money, there will be a force that pushes me to do things, and this force is internal driving force. But learning is a high-level need. Only when the underlying physiological needs, safety needs, belonging needs, and esteem needs are satisfied, will learning and self-actualization needs arise. Therefore, the prerequisite for awakening the inner driving force of learning is to first satisfy the needs of the bottom layer. For children, parents need to first ensure that they are physically and mentally healthy, confident, have a sense of worth, and have good interpersonal relationships. Then, on this basis, they can then think about how to awaken their inner drive. Just imagine, do children in the following family environments have the need to learn: Husband and wife quarrel all day long, the family is facing collapse at any time, parent-child relationship is extremely poor, and children are often criticized, accused, and even beaten. So, when asked how to improve children\’s learning When it comes to grades, ask the above two questions first, because this is the basis and prerequisite for parents to awaken their children\’s inner driving force. What are the benefits of intrinsic drive? There is a saying called \”carrot and stick\”, which means that if you are obedient, then I will reward you; if you are disobedient, then I will punish you. Rewards and punishments are also driving forces, but they are external driving forces. Compared with internal driving forces, external driving forces have the following problems: they are not sustainable. The biggest problem with rewards and punishments is that when they are present, the child may act, but when they are not present, the child will immediately stop acting. Transfer of responsibility cannot be achieved. Learning is a child\’s business and responsibility. However, rewards and punishments can easily shift this responsibility to parents. Children will feel that learning is for their parents, so their involvement will definitely not be high. The half-life is too short. If parents give rewardsIf you use punishment as a bargaining chip, then this bargaining chip will soon become ineffective. You need to continue to increase the chips to continue to promote the child\’s learning. There will always be a time when the child cannot be satisfied, and then, what should you do? Compared with external driving forces, the benefits of internal driving forces are obvious. More engagement. The child will think that learning is his own business and his own responsibility. Therefore, he will devote himself voluntarily and he will not care about any rewards or punishments. Action lasts longer. Because children regard learning as something that satisfies their own needs, they will continue to act, because the characteristic of learning is that the more they learn, the more ignorant they become, and the more they learn, the more involved they are. Children will continue to explore new knowledge and challenge difficulties. A greater sense of accomplishment. Since there is no need for rewards and punishment chips, once a child makes a breakthrough, he will feel great inside and enjoy the joy of success even more. Fan Deng\’s father is a professor of mathematics at the university. According to Fan Deng, what his father likes to do most is to do math problems. People ask him why you never relax. His father said that doing math problems is Relax. When a person regards learning as a way to relax, he does not feel that learning is hard at all. He thinks that learning is relaxation and learning itself is a kind of fun. This is a typical internal drive. How to awaken children\’s inner drive for learning? The prerequisite for awakening children\’s inner driving force for learning is to first satisfy the underlying needs. This is very important! Therefore, giving your child unconditional love, supporting him, understanding him, caring for him, loving him, and encouraging him are the instincts of parents, and they are also the most important things that parents should do. When these are satisfied, awakening the child\’s inner driving force mainly relies on the following three points: (1) Giving children sufficient learning autonomy. What is autonomy? It means doing what you want to do from the bottom of your heart without being forced by anyone. For children, learning is not to please their parents or to escape punishment, but they just want to learn from the bottom of their hearts. When a child can decide when to learn and what to learn, his autonomy is actually released, especially for adolescent children. They have no resistance to \”making their own decisions\” as long as they can make their own decisions. Calculate. Giving children the autonomy to learn is the most basic condition for awakening their inner drive. As parents, we habitually control our children and interfere excessively. We always feel that children are ignorant and need parental assistance and supervision. In fact, these practices, invisibly, deprive children of their autonomy. The summary is as follows: Accompanying homework. The purpose of the homework is to test and consolidate the day\’s knowledge, and the children need to complete it independently. However, due to the pressure from the school teacher and our own anxiety, we interfered with the children\’s homework problems, which resulted in the loss of homework responsibility. By passing it on, the child will feel that if my parents urge me to do it, I will do it; if my parents don’t urge me, I will keep putting it off. Select interest classes on behalf of others. When choosing interest classes, we always arrange courses for our children according to our own wishes. You must know that interest classes are called interest classes because they are based on interest. You have to force things on your children that they are not interested in. Doesn\’t this deprive him of his autonomy? big in lifeAll inclusive. When a child goes to elementary school, there are too many things he can do by himself, but we always feel that the child has not grown up and is not mature enough. Therefore, we take over all the things in the child\’s life. Gradually, the child feels These things belong to your parents and you don’t need to get involved. Because we are used to interfering and controlling, we develop a child\’s personality of relying on others, and his sense of autonomy will become extremely poor. He is more inclined to look at the eyes of his parents, and he prefers to transfer responsibilities to his parents. Summary: If we want to awaken children\’s inner drive to learn, the first thing we have to do is to transfer the responsibility for learning to the child. He can decide what to learn, when to learn, and to what extent he wants to learn. At the same time, we should give our children more choices in life, often create opportunities for them, and encourage them to complete their tasks independently. (2) Let children first experience the sense of achievement in learning. In order for children to have a sense of achievement in learning, they need to meet the following two conditions: Competence. Take mobile games as an example. If a game is very difficult, as long as the child tries and fails a few times, he will give up quickly because he is not competent and he will always be abused. This feeling is very painful. Corresponding to learning, in fact, the same is true. If the current course is too difficult and the child cannot hold it, he will also give up. Timely feedback. Taking mobile games as an example, the most important job of game manufacturers is to set up various feedbacks in the game. For example, there is a reward for killing a monster. The process of playing games is a process of constantly creating feedback. When it comes to learning, children feel relatively less positive feedback and more frustration and stuckness. Based on the above two points, parents can do this: temporarily reduce the difficulty of learning. Take some measures to lower the current learning difficulty so that the child can reach it with just one jump. For example, if the child cannot keep up with the knowledge in the second grade of junior high school, can you start from the first grade of junior high school and let the child feel it first? The benefits of learning give him some sense of achievement in learning. Deliberately create feedback. In the inspirational movie \”Bottom Hot Girl\” about a scumbag, as long as the protagonist makes a little progress, the cram school teacher will appreciate it and encourage it desperately. In fact, this is feedback. Just like a game, the child can feel his own power. , Slowly, the child will transfer this feedback to the learning itself, and he will find pleasure in the process of doing the questions. Summary: No one is born to like to be abused. People prefer to do things that are beneficial. If you want your child to invest in learning and fall in love with learning, then you must first let him feel the benefits and let him experience the sense of accomplishment in learning. (3) To cultivate children’s inner goals, you must have a goal in everything you do. The goal can be big or small, but it cannot be without it. People are easily confused when there is no goal. When confused, it is easy to give up. Giving up means failure. . Learning also needs to have goals. Just imagine, I don’t know what I am going to study for. Do you think I will study hard? Of course not. Someone said, isn’t the goal of learning very clear? For exams, for further studies, for a better life in the future, are these goals? I said yes! But they are not the best goals, at least not ones that children like. when weTell your children that learning is for a better future, but do your children know what a good future actually is? Most of today\’s children have good living conditions, and they basically get what they want. They think they are fine now. In this case, why bother studying hard for an illusory and beautiful future. Therefore, if you want to awaken children\’s inner drive to learn, you need to help them find a good goal. This goal is something the child can see, feel, and want from the bottom of his heart. I think the following path can be taken: * Goals related to self-realization. Anyone who does great things has a grand goal. He is not doing it to please anyone or how much money he makes. He just wants to do it from the bottom of his heart. Dry. For example, Steve Jobs said he wanted to change the world, and Apple actually did it. For another example, Zhou Enlai wanted to study for the rise of China! Eventually he became the highly respected Premier Zhou. Our children originally have goals. Some want to be scientists, some want to be astronauts, and some want to be big bosses. However, we often forget to remind them and they lose their way. *Goals related to helping others and serving society There was a little girl named Catherine. When she was seven years old, she did something that shocked the world. Because of her kindness, she saved the lives of more than a million African children. When she was only five years old at the time, she saw an African documentary broadcast on American Public Television. The film said that on average, a child dies from malaria every thirty seconds in Africa. This gave her a great shock. She counted with her fingers, one, two, three… thirty. When she counted to thirty, she said to her mother in horror: \”An African child died.\” It’s gone, we must do something!” After that, the little girl used various channels and even found the list of celebrities and rich people of that year, and “boldly” wrote letters to the big guys above, including Bill Gates. Ci… Her charity has persisted for 12 years, and her original intention has not changed. She has changed the status quo. Now the mortality rate of malaria among children in Africa has been delayed from every 30 seconds to every 2 minutes. If you are careful enough, you will find that \”helping others\” can be addictive. When you make way for an elderly person while driving in the morning, you will find that you are very happy throughout the day. The same is true for children. If you can combine learning with helping others and serving the society, don\’t worry, your children will try their best regardless. He will deeply experience the meaning of learning, he knows what he is for, and learning is no longer a pain for him, but a challenge leading to happiness. *Goals related to underlying needs. If you feel that the above two goals are too vague, then this one is more universal. For example, my niece mentioned at the beginning has a good living environment, no pressure, no worries, but she just doesn\’t like to study. Therefore, by analyzing her bottom needs, I found that she is obsessed with handsome male celebrities and has some thoughts about the opposite sex. This is actually normal. These are the bottom needs of human beings. It is abnormal to have no ideas. Then, during the holidays, we took her to a university in the Northeast, and through deliberate arrangements, we allowed her to come into contact with long-legged Oppas from the Northeast. Now my niece’s eyes were opened. It turns out that there are so many handsome guys in the university.. After that, we took her to Xiamen University and saw the men and women on campus walking on the most romantic campus beach in China. My niece was very excited and kept saying that she must pass the exam and have a vigorous love affair… …The basic needs of human beings will never change. As long as you can connect them to learning, then children will naturally have a strong motivation to learn. To sum up, in order to awaken children\’s inner driving force for learning, we mainly rely on three points: giving children sufficient autonomy in learning; first letting children experience a sense of achievement in learning; and helping children establish intrinsic goals for learning. The highest state of education is to awaken children\’s inner driving force, but children are children after all, and they are not sensible yet. Internal driving force is a \”push\” force, while the external driving force of rewards and punishments is a \”pull\” force. A moving wheel needs multiple driving forces before it can move forward quickly. Therefore, we must not kill with one stick. We only need to focus on focusing and moderately calling on external driving forces. Dou Guimei teaches you to read: Thematic reading that affects children\’s life [Primary school grades 1-6]