How to criticize children the right way

There is a saying: \”Child, if no one criticizes you, you will never grow up.\” However, this does not mean that parents can criticize their children regardless of time and occasion. There are some times that are really inappropriate to criticize children – during meal time, there is a very typical scene in the TV series: when a family is eating, the parents always like to say a few words to the child, and the child takes a few bites in a hurry, then puts down the bowl and chopsticks angrily: \”I Eat enough!\” Then there was a slamming of the door… This is a true portrayal of life. In many families, because parents are usually busy with work, meal time has become a prime time for parents to communicate with their children. Unfortunately, the so-called communication often hides the purpose of education. Parents can’t wait to instill some truth into their children’s ears in this short hour: “Why didn’t you do well in the exam this time?” “Your grades have dropped. Don’t you know how to be anxious?” “Look at your Aunt Wu’s children, they all get 100 points.” In the eyes of children, the dining table is a place that is both tempting and scary. While listening to their parents’ criticism and education, they \”You don\’t know the taste of food.\” This is not called communication, but a one-way output of truth, which not only fails to achieve the purpose of education, but also has the opposite effect: First, it affects the child\’s appetite. It is difficult for children who are in a bad mood to have a good appetite; secondly, it damages the parent-child relationship. The dining table is the most lively place in the home, and the atmosphere during meals deeply affects children\’s feelings about home. If he never feels the flow of love at such moments, over time, the child will avoid getting along with his family. Eating as a family around the table is a particularly good opportunity for families to communicate and express feelings. Parents should never use the dining table as a lecture table. After a busy day before going to bed, both adults and children need some peace and quiet. During this time, the appropriate things to do are to simply hug, share interesting things about the day, or read with your child. The most inappropriate time is to sort out the mistakes your child made throughout the day and scold him. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Some parents, when they come home after a busy day, hear about the trouble their children got into today and see how unhurried their children are, they get very angry and can\’t help but want to say a few more words. I once heard a mother say that her child came last in the math test, and when his father came back, he started scolding him from the time he was eating until late at night. As a result, the child cried himself to sleep. When he woke up the next day, his eyes were swollen and his energy was very low. The child secretly told his mother in the morning that in his dream last night, his father\’s ferocious expression when he criticized him kept appearing in the dream like a \”revolving lantern\”. Before going to bed, children are often calm and gentle, and they crave comfort, hugs and gentle words from their parents. If a child falls asleep in a state of restlessness and anxiety, he or she will easily wake up in the middle of the night and have nightmares, which will affect his or her mental state the next day. If you want your child to have a stable mood before going to sleep, you might as well wait for those harsh criticisms. When the child already knew that he was wrong, there was once a video circulated on the Internet: A girl made a mistake, and her mother taught her a lesson. The child had already admitted his mistake, but the mother felt that the child\’s attitude was not correct, so she still chased him to the room without mercy.During this time, he repeatedly asked her: \”Do you realize your mistakes now?\” \”Do you want to correct your mistakes?\” \”Should you accept a lesson?\” Finally, the little girl was almost collapsed by her mother\’s questioning, and she couldn\’t help but rush The mother yelled: \”I already know I was wrong, what more do you want from me!\” Although the children are young, they are also capable of introspection. When they realize that they have made a mistake, they will feel nervous and scared inside. At this time, if adults overemphasize that the child has made a mistake, it is easy for the child to transfer their reflection on the mistake to resist you. Just like the excited little girl above, it’s not that she doesn’t want to admit her mistakes, she just can’t stand her mother’s aggressiveness. When parents criticize their children, they always unconsciously show a condescending and pointing attitude. Compared to admitting your mistake, this attitude is even more difficult for children to accept. Many adults believe that children must receive criticism in the form of blame, shame, or pain in order to remember the lessons of their mistakes. In fact, criticism is not necessary when children make mistakes. Some children may already know that their parents are wrong before their parents react to them. If you notice your child\’s shame, he no longer needs your criticism, and we should even give the child more tolerance. As a parent, you should be good at discovering the good intentions of your children, be more tolerant, less critical, and use gentle reminders and hints so that your children can basically do self-reflection. Allowing children to recognize mistakes through their own thinking will make the impression more profound and mistakes become his own life experience. This is powerful self-education. Isn’t this the purpose we criticize our children for? Criticizing children when there are many people depends on the time and the occasion. I once saw a couple and their seven or eight-year-old son having dinner with friends in a restaurant. During the meal, the child seemed to have little appetite and kept wanting to go home. He was absent-minded and accidentally knocked over his rice bowl. The mother may have lost her patience, or she may be worried that her friends think she has not educated her child well, so she suddenly raises her voice and scolds her child. The child was frightened into silence. The persuasion of friends and the scolding of mother intertwined throughout the restaurant, and all the surrounding eyes fell on the child. At that moment, the child was ashamed. There is a saying called \”teaching children in front of others\”. Once a child makes a mistake, whether it is on the street, in a restaurant, or in front of relatives and friends, the child will be pointed at and criticized. If we know how to reverse our perspective and put ourselves in the shoes of a child, we will understand how shameful it is to be criticized in public. Psychology expert Zhou Fan said: “Whether it is between parents and children or between partners, people always think that making the other person feel ashamed will make the other person reflect. In fact, self-change requires strength, and guilt can kill strength the fastest. The more you judge and condemn others, the more you deprive them of the power to change.\” Criticisms that make children feel ashamed ultimately deprive them of the last bit of self-esteem deep in their hearts. If parents don\’t take this into consideration, then the education you talk about cannot really touch the hearts of their children. Parents all over the world, if they know how to \”not let their children make a fool of themselves in public\”, I believe that when their children become wise, they will be very grateful for your gentleness. Click [Like], I hope youI can all learn the art of criticism.