How to cultivate children\’s ability to resist stress from an early age?

\”Today\’s children\’s ability to withstand stress is too poor, and they often get depressed.\” \”Nowadays, children have such a good life, they are too well protected, and they are too fragile.\” The issue of children\’s ability to withstand stress is the biggest headache for today\’s parents. one. A parent then asked: \”This society is cruel and mercenary, so if I educate my children in cruel ways (beating, scolding, insults, etc.), can I help them adapt to society better?\” It sounds reasonable. 30 Explosive Learning Power: I am the speaker Xu Jiru, how to learn efficiently [Completed] Let’s combine this issue to talk about cultivating children’s ability to resist stress. 1. Stress resistance. We must first clarify what stress resistance is. What I understand as stress resistance is mainly “psychological resilience”. Just like a spring, if you press it hard, it will be pressed down, but after a while, it will bounce back on its own. In other words, when it comes to humans, when we encounter stress, we will be depressed, defeated, and helpless for a short period of time, but after a period of time, we can recover our abilities, face problems, and solve problems. Be mentally flexible, not rigid and break at the drop of a hat. Or they fall to the ground as soon as they are pressed. If families want to cultivate their children\’s ability to withstand stress, they must cultivate this kind of \”resilience\” in their children. And can beating, scolding, and insult be cultivated? Let’s expand and analyze it. 2. The \”learned helplessness\” caused by beating and scolding. What is the essence of beating, scolding and humiliation? It is to constantly deny the value of the other party, and it is best to degrade the child to be useless and full of shortcomings. On the other hand, if a child\’s problems are magnified infinitely, if he fails in one test, it will at best reach the point where he has no hope in his life. After breaking a bowl, he scolded him like crazy, saying that he only knew how to eat and could not do anything else. What effect will such an operation have on children who still have no judgment and regard their parents\’ words as truth? Of course I agree with my parents: Mom and Dad are right. I\’m really bad at it. Give up refutation, give up resistance, just blame yourself. This is \”learned helplessness\”. How does learned helplessness develop? It means that you have suffered too many unexpected setbacks and have not developed appropriate methods to solve problems. As time goes by, you will gradually lose your ability to resist and become resigned. People who have been beaten, scolded and insulted since childhood may not necessarily develop a very tough heart, but they are likely to become extremely pessimistic and depressed. I feel that I am unable to change any status quo and can only passively accept it, or endure it. What is more likely is that when faced with the same beatings, scoldings and insults, they will choose to give up and retreat without even trying. The inner strength is suppressed to a very weak level, and powerlessness, vulnerability, and helplessness become the norm. 3 Another way to be hard-hearted and strong is to make your heart hard enough, preferably like a copper wall and an iron wall, invulnerable. You might say, isn’t that good? As children become stronger, they will not be so vulnerable to the beatings from society in the future. There is a concept to distinguish here: hard-hearted and strong. A hard-hearted person is one who doesn\’t invest emotions in anything and treats himself like a machine to deal with others. It doesn\’t matter how others treat you, there is no turmoil in your heart. Of course, it is also difficult to empathize with other people, even those who are close to youPeople also have a bit of a \”business-like\” attitude. In essence, this is a kind of isolation defense method. If you isolate feelings, you will naturally not feel the pain. Is this what you want your child to be like? But strength is different. Strong people are flesh and blood. They will also suffer, be frustrated, and shrink back when encountering difficulties…but, in the end, they will still stand up again. To use an analogy to understand, a heart of stone is like a master who practices \”iron shirt and golden bell\” in martial arts dramas. He may seem invulnerable, but if a weakness is found, he will collapse completely with just one tap. This weakness may be the heel, or it may be a creaking hole. In short, people are not steel after all, and they cannot be armed to the teeth. A strong person, on the other hand, admits that he is a human being and practices his moves over and over again. He may get injured along the way and wait for the wounds to recover before continuing to practice. Until you have stronger self-protection capabilities step by step. The harsh insults in childhood had a huge impact on the child, and it was impossible for him to take the risk of gradually improving his abilities. He can only activate his whole body\’s defense in an instant and develop the \”Iron Shirt\” to protect himself. 4 Times have changed. Feudal society adheres to the principle that \”the king wants his ministers to die, and the ministers have to die.\” This was based on the productivity at that time and produced production relations to maximize the concentration of manpower and ensure survival. In the past, when raising children, the rhetoric of \”filial sons will emerge from the stick\” was invariably used, because they were born to be repressed, and as long as they were repressed, once they were challenged, the whole family was likely to perish. Therefore, in the past, good education meant being strict, beating and scolding, and keeping children submissive. However, in today\’s society, repressed children are no longer popular. If you suppress yourself too much at work, no one will see your achievements. If you please others too much in relationships, you will not gain respect. In the past, meeting people was polite, but now asking \”Are you there?\” on WeChat is annoying. Times have changed too fast, and in the future society will be more likely to look down upon a person who is depressed and pleases. From this perspective, it is not necessary to cultivate a cautious and polite child and prepare the child to adapt to the so-called cruel society in advance. There is only one way to deal with the cruelty of the future society: cultivate children\’s optimistic and positive attitude and let them have the power of happiness. Children should at least know what beauty is like, strive to find the path to beauty, and think about ways to make life happy, so that they can stand up with tenacity and actively deal with difficulties no matter how painful the environment is. If you have never seen how beautiful it is, you will only feel that in a bleak world, life is meaningless and there is no hope. 5. Extreme methods are not advisable. So, children cannot be beaten or scolded, but can only be coaxed and held in the palm of their hands? Of course not. This goes to another extreme of being overprotective. We have said many times before that the core negative impact of an overly protective education method is that it deprives children of the opportunity to try on their own. A child who has never defeated an enemy cannot somehow feel confident that he can win the battle. Therefore, when they face severe beatings from society, and when someone attacks or denies them, they will most likely choose to retreat immediately when they see the situation is not right. Speaking of which, I don’t knowHave you ever discovered a problem? Extreme and rigid education methods are difficult to cultivate children with strong ability to withstand stress. Whether it is extreme \”beating\” or extreme \”care\”, there will always be unexpected problems. Cultivation of stress resistance requires a combination of both and flexible use. 6 Principles and love combined Care and love are the core and the foundation. What effect can loving children have? I personally think that in addition to making children feel loved, it is also the most direct recognition of the value of children. Being loved means that we have value. It is not superfluous or burdensome in this world. Punishment and scolding after doing something wrong are strength training. Those of us who have been exposed to sports should all know that if we want to build muscles, we must constantly put some pressure on our \”fat\” to make it sore and strong. The same goes for inner training. If you really do something wrong, you will naturally be punished and bear the consequences, so that children can feel that they can bear the consequences of doing something wrong. Isn\’t this a confirmation of their own strength?