How to cultivate children’s inner motivation

Many parents complain to me, why are their children always so undisciplined, impatient, perseverant, unfocused, etc.? I have said it all, but it is not like other people\’s children can learn these qualities, so that parents can worry less. So what exactly is the problem? Let’s break it down. How to stimulate students\’ learning interest and motivation. Download the full video. Let\’s give an example. When parents encounter children who are unconscious and always rely on supervision to do things proactively, their first reaction is to blame and ask questions. : \”Why are you so unconscious? You have to be reminded every time. If you don\’t kick you, you won\’t move.\” Or tell the child: \”I reminded you this time. You have to be more conscious next time!\”. When we blurt out the above words and ask our children angrily why they are not self-conscious, do we have to first let them know what self-consciousness is? Have you ever specifically taught children before the age of six or seven to recognize this word? Deeply know which behaviors are conscious? Here is the problem. If you want your children to be self-conscious, you must first let them understand what the term \”self-consciousness\” means, and find opportunities in life to explain the term. For example: \”Child, you don\’t need to be reminded by your mother today, just clean up the room by yourself. This is self-consciousness.\” Constantly find opportunities to explain and encourage in the details of life, so that the child knows, \”Oh, it turns out that these behaviors are what mother calls self-consciousness.\” ah\”. Implanting the concept of consciousness into children\’s minds also gives children a conscious standard of behavior. In this way, one day the child becomes unconscious and you discuss with him how to do it consciously, the child will not be confused. He will really understand what to do next time and be more conscious, instead of being confused by you and continue next time. Make unconscious mistakes. Below I will share some words with parents. You can follow them to \”explain the terms\” to your children, point them out a clear path, and understand which behaviors are self-discipline, patience, perseverance, etc. In the future, your children will spontaneously strengthen them. These behaviors and internal drive are gradually developed. 01 The self-disciplined mother noticed that you went to bed at the prescribed time for three consecutive days without your mother’s reminder or urging. This is called self-discipline; 02 The patient mother noticed that you really wanted to eat this dessert, but the waiter hadn’t brought it to you yet. During these five minutes, you have been sitting and waiting without making any noise. This behavior is called patience. Dad, look, the baby has learned to be patient; 03 Perseverance. You look a little tired today, but you still overcame the physical fatigue and completed today’s training with the coach. This is called perseverance. Do you know that perseverance is a character that is passed through An ability necessary for success, you will be proud of your ability; 04 Focus. You just sat here motionless for 20 minutes to build this Lego. Do you know what this is called? This is called concentration, mom. I admire your concentration; 05 Efficiency You spent 30 minutes today to complete the homework that used to take an hour. This is called efficiency. Only a child who likes to use his brain can be efficient. I find that you are becoming more and more active. My brain is gone; 06 Listen carefully. Mom is in a bad mood today. Thank you for listening to my mom’s 10Minutes of sharing what happened today, you did not interrupt mom, this is called listening carefully; 07 restrained the action you just turned off the phone and returned it to mom is really cool, I can feel that you still want to see, But you stopped, this is called restraint, and only people with great abilities can have this; 08 Share You just gave your toy to your sister to play with, and she was very happy, this is called sharing, sharing can bring benefits to others Be happy, and your sister will give it back to you later. If others can’t take it away, it’s still yours. Thank you for sharing; 09 Emotional management child, my brother snatched your toy today, and I can see that you are a little sad. You were about to cry, but you didn\’t cry later. Instead, you found another toy and started playing with it. You began to learn to deal with things without crying. You were very calm. You have an ability called emotional management; 10 I love thinking about my child. Regarding the question just now, my mother noticed that you thought for a full minute before giving your answer. You learned to think. During the minute I waited for you, I was so looking forward to hearing your answer after thinking. , it is indeed very different. Thinking often can save a person from taking detours; 11 Be careful, thank you for reminding me, otherwise my mother would forget to turn off the lights before going out. You are so careful and can always observe carefully. I found that many mothers also found that Something that cannot be solved; 12 Rigorous Mom saw that when you were putting together building blocks just now, you were constantly adjusting the positions of the wooden blocks to make the gaps between the blocks smaller. Mom discovered that you have a temperament called rigorous, because you are rigorous Attitude, you see that you have laid the foundation of the building blocks very firmly, and now that they are so high, they will not fall down, thanks to your rigor. We have deeply implanted the concepts of good character similar to the above into the minds of children, and then when we find opportunities in life, we must praise and strengthen them. Children will do things that they think are valuable in the direction of this persona. They will subconsciously want to do so in line with their identity. Slowly, the children\’s values ​​will also be formed in a positive way. Really He became the person you said he was, a person with all kinds of good qualities. So, next time you feel that your child is lazy, careless, or impatient, you should reflect on whether you have ever told your child what diligence, carefulness, and calmness are. If not, then first find when the child has done well in these aspects and seize the opportunity to give feedback to the child. If you want your children to solve more difficult problems in life, you must find opportunities to explain more terms to your children. When you are sure that the children understand the meaning of these words, it is also very important to remind parents that they must give positive feedback rather than negative feedback. Positive feedback! Positive feedback! Positive feedback! Say important things three times! Let’s give two examples. The first is a negative example. I know a mother who likes to give negative feedback to her children. There are two children in their family. Once, I noticed that Dabao was taking good care of the second child very carefully, so I couldn’t help but give feedback to the child. I praised her: \”Sister is so considerate and knows how to take care of my brother. You are a responsible person.\” My child!” At that time, I saw Dabao’s eyes were shining. But the mother on the side immediatelyPour cold water on her and start typical negative feedback: \”If you are responsible, you won\’t always bully your younger brother. You won\’t cherish your younger brother at all. She keeps all the delicious and fun things to herself. You don\’t know how selfish she is.\” Hearing my mother say this, it is not difficult for me to understand why she always complains around me that her child does not look like a boss. What she sees in her eyes and the feedback she gives to her child are all discouraging to her. In fact, when I praised the boss for being responsible and saw the light in her eyes, I believed that the power of doing well was surging in the boss\’s heart. But instead of affirming the child\’s behavior and increasing this power, the mother is extinguishing this power. When a child is poured a basin of cold water on her, she will think: Forget it, no matter how good I am, no one sees me and no one understands me, so I am not worthy of being a good child to satisfy her. Also share a mother who took positive feedback to the extreme and saved a \”bad boy\”. There was a child who had been defined as a poor student by his teacher since he was a child. During the first parent-teacher meeting, the teacher complained in front of his mother that the child had ADHD and could not sit still in class. The mother did not criticize the child when she came back, but said to the child: \” Mom heard from the teacher today that you could only sit for three minutes in class before, but now you can sit for five minutes. There is progress, you are more and more attentive.\” At the second parent-teacher meeting, the teacher still complained that the child’s grades were poor and that he was holding the class back. The mother came home and said to the child: “You are one of the few good children praised by the teacher today because you are ranked last in the class. I have progressed to the third place from the bottom. The teacher said that I believe that through hard work, you will definitely achieve better results next time.\” As a result, the child felt full of trust and strength in his heart, fought back all the way, and later became a famous person. This is a real case. I believe that children from many families are not less naturally qualified than the child above. Therefore, as long as we carefully discover and compare our children with ourselves, we will definitely find their shining points. We must find opportunities to improve what you expect your children to have. It must not be difficult to \”explain\” a good character. Always remember this sentence: Parents’ affirmation and encouragement are children’s most precious inner motivation.