How to cultivate children\’s sense of autonomy? Which is the most effective method, praise or encouragement?

I let Xiaohua learn painting on the weekends this semester. After ten classes, she was able to complete a good crayon painting independently! Last week, the teacher invited parents to the classroom for an open class. After class, the teacher held a small meeting for us parents. The main content was that parents should praise their children with the goal of cultivating their children\’s internal drive. She said that she often hears parents praising their children like this: ▼Baby, you are awesome! Show mom, you\’re really good at painting. You are so amazing, you can draw such beautiful things. In the hearts of children, praise from parents is the most touching love words, but in fact, many times, after parents say things like \”you are great\”, they often run out of words. They are all ineffective praise and it is difficult to help their children. Continue to generate a spirit of continuous learning and research. In the painting enlightenment of young children, the purpose of praising and praising is to transform the child\’s spontaneous graffiti nature in painting into an independent awareness of independent painting, and to fall in love with the act of creation. Our purpose is to encourage children with words that can inspire them to keep working hard, to form an internal driving force to continue painting, and to change the children\’s thinking from \”I like painting because I can do it well.\” \”Getting praise from my mother\” is transformed into \”I love painting because I want to work hard to paint well.\” This is essentially different from extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation. What the teacher said can resonate with us parents, because I often use \”ineffective praise\” to praise Xiaohua\’s paintings. Xiaohua showed me the masterpiece she had worked hard for two hours to complete. When she blinked her little eyes and looked at me expectantly, I tried hard to decipher something from these chaotic line patterns in my eyes, and asked her: \”You What\’s in the painting?\” I listened diligently to a lot of stories Xiaohua explained to me, and I was thinking: Isn\’t this just a pile of yarn that I can\’t tell what it is? In the end, I could only pretend to listen patiently. I felt that Xiaohua had a good imagination, so I praised her: \”You painted really well.\” Although the atmosphere was not far-fetched, after I praised Xiaohua, I always felt empty in my heart. External praise may be able to mobilize a child\’s enthusiasm in the short term, but if used for a long time, it will inhibit his or her original inner motivation and enthusiasm. Praise ≠ Encourage praise. In short, it means praising the child for doing well and giving spiritual rewards, such as \”talented\”, \”awesome\”, \”good boy\”… This type of ineffective praise will make children feel confused, and the children who are praised will If he doesn\’t know what he did well, and if he encounters the same situation again, he will try to maintain the status quo, or even choose things that are easier to accomplish, which is not conducive to progress. It is easy to ignore the gain and happiness brought by the matter itself when being praised in this way. Children do this to get praise or to make their parents happy. Once one day they no longer receive praise or fail, the child will doubt himself, thinking that doing so is meaningless and cannot achieve the goal, and loses motivation. No matter what kind of family environment a child grows up in, it is difficult to bear the failure when being praised but then being frustrated. Stanford University once conducted an experiment to study the impact of praise on children. The children were divided into two groups to complete the intellectual puzzle task. The first round of puzzles was the same for everyone. One group of children getsThe first group received praise for talent: \”You are very talented at puzzles and very smart!\” The other group received encouragement: \”You must have worked very hard to complete it just now, and you will definitely perform even better next time.\” The second group received encouragement. In this round, children can choose puzzle tasks by themselves. Most of the children who were praised chose easier tasks, while 90% of the children who were encouraged chose more difficult tasks. Children who think they are smart are not willing to face challenges. Professor Dweck said in his research report: \”When we say a child is smart, we are telling them that in order to stay smart, don\’t take the risk of making mistakes.\” The third round of puzzle tasks is very difficult and there is no choice. All the kids failed to finish. Children who had been encouraged thought they failed because they didn\’t work hard enough; children who had been praised thought they failed because they weren\’t smart enough. People who believe that talent is the key to success will automatically underestimate the importance of hard work. Intrinsic encouragement is what we should really give our children. Regardless of whether they are doing well or poorly at what they are doing now, they all deserve encouragement, even if there is only a small amount of progress. Encouragement is the way to encourage them to realize their potential. What parents are more concerned about is whether their children have enough courage to face difficulties; whether they have gained anything from something; whether they are stronger today than yesterday. Intrinsic encouragement is to help you discover a better version of yourself. Looking back on my own childhood, whether passively or voluntarily, I learned a lot of things more or less, but the ones that can persist for a long time must be those that interest me and want to learn well. Something that gives you a sense of accomplishment. And these things are not things that I am \”naturally good at or like\”, but they are things that I can gain and feel happy from, and it is these that give me the motivation to continue to explore and learn. Three psychological needs that can enhance internal drive. Psychologists Deci Edward L. and Ryan Richard M. once proposed a view on motivation theory: children have three most basic psychological needs: a sense of belonging, a sense of autonomy, and a sense of competence. The latter is the key to prompting children to form intrinsic motivation. If it can be satisfied, internal driving force can also be improved. Sense of belonging: When children do anything, they can feel respected, accepted and loved no matter what the outcome is. One time, Xiaohua was painting and had been preparing for a long time. I saw her playing with the crayon box all the time, looking very unfocused. I wanted to criticize her, but Xiaohua explained to me that she was looking at the little bunny on the crayon box, which was very cute, and she was wondering if she could draw it. I allowed her to play with the pencil box for a while before starting to draw. There is a reason behind every action of a child. If they can be respected, they will be more obedient. Sense of autonomy: Allowing children to decide their own behavior allows them to subjectively feel that they have the right to make active choices. When Xiaohua showed me the work of \”a ball of wool\” again, I no longer struggled with why she drew the ghostly appearance of wool, nor did I tell her how to draw it, but listened patiently to what she said to me. The mental process while painting. her paintingsIt\’s up to her to decide what to draw, and if she can express her own ideas, it will be a great work. \”These are all your achievements. Your ideas are very good. You can draw what you want. You are a great painter!\” In addition to loving painting, Xiaohua also likes to do handcrafts. Since the birth of Mommy Jane After reading the two hand-made books \”Montessori Handmade Games: Discovery of the Holidays\” and \”Montessori Handmade Games: Exploration of the Four Seasons\”, I take Xiaohua to do a handicraft every week, which also gathers relevant knowledge to improve children\’s Curiosity makes hand-made games more interesting. This is not only a hand-made book, but also a story book. Sense of competence: This is a very important psychological need. Children subjectively believe that they can complete this task well. When a child helps his mother to sweep the floor, if he is praised like this: \”You swept the floor so clean, you are such a good boy.\” The content of this kind of praise is too superficial, just like the \”invalid praise\” mentioned above. It is better to state the facts in evaluation. Children need to be \”seen\” rather than \”praised\”. For children who need to be praised for their behavior, if we carefully observe and feedback the information we see to our children, it will be very powerful for our children. \”I just saw you working very hard to sweep the dust under the sofa. After sweeping the floor, you also wiped the soles of your shoes. You are very careful. Try your best next time!\” Encourage children with the goal of cultivating \”intrinsic drive\” , use facts to praise him, and focus on the process and attitude, so that the child will not be intoxicated in \”sweet words\” and grow up happily.