How to cultivate self-discipline in children

When it comes to my children, I can\’t help but shed tears. Let\’s take a recent incident as an example… I hurried home to cook as soon as I got off work. When I got home, my children didn\’t even say hello to me. They were focused on playing games. \”Day by day, I just play games when I get home. It\’s hopeless.\” The child ignored me. I started cooking, and suddenly I remembered that the clothes in the washing machine were not drying. I shouted: \”Can you do something serious all day long? Don\’t you know how to dry the clothes in the washing machine for me?\” The child didn\’t move at all. Finally, the food was ready, and I invited the children to come and eat. Unexpectedly, after 10 minutes, the food was almost cold and he still hadn\’t come over. I urged again: \”Look at your phone again. Believe it or not, I dropped it. Hurry up and eat!\” The child finally couldn\’t help it, yelled, rushed over, and threw the meal I just made on the ground… …I was so surprised that I almost dropped to the ground when I looked at the food on the floor. Although the child was not obedient and sensible before, he could listen to everything I said. Why did he suddenly become like this now? I ask my child to play less with mobile phones, help me with some housework, and call him to eat, all for his own good. Why on earth, despite all my good intentions, do my children treat me like a donkey? I couldn’t sit still for a moment because of the nagging parents who couldn’t raise hard-working children. I asked other friends around, but everyone was the same: Xiao Wang’s mother was a primary school teacher, and she was very good at educating other children. But when her own children arrived, she was at a loss: “My family The child is so unconscious. He needs to be pushed to get up, to eat, to go to school, to study, and to go to sleep. He will not move as long as he is not pushed. I feel anxious just looking at him. I really don’t know what to do with the child!\” Mumu’s mother is an employee of a state-owned enterprise. She is dedicated to her work and is liked by everyone she meets. However, she has no choice but to face her children: “Isn’t that right! The Chinese homework assigned by the teacher is to write a 300-word essay. It took me 3 hours to write. I just finished writing. I sat at the table for half an hour and couldn\’t hold back a word. I had to say the next sentence, and the child only finished writing one sentence. I was so angry.\” We really had no choice, so we went to find Lili\’s mother – she Our children are ranked first every year and are known as sensible children in our community. Why can she teach such a child? Unexpectedly, Lili\’s mother got to the crux of the problem in one sentence: \”The more diligent we parents are and always run ahead of our children, the children will be lazy. So if we want our children to be light-hearted, parents should be lazy.\” Several of us parents I finally understand where the problem lies. How to help children develop self-discipline: self-driven growth free reading mobi+epub+azw3 If a child is too late to get up, we are afraid that he will be late; if the child eats late, we are afraid that he will be hungry; if the child goes to bed late, We are afraid that he will not get enough sleep; if the child is slow in homework, we are afraid that he will not be able to keep up with his studies. …We do everything with our children. The children don’t seem to have to worry about anything, as long as they follow us. Eggs broken from the outside are food, broken from the inside they are life. Only when a child has inner strength can he gain real growth. Children who are urged to grow up by their parents will also be a \”giant baby\” inside. As the Austrian psychologist, Alfred Adler, said in the book \”Children\’s Personality Education\”One sentence: \”Behind a child who has the habit of procrastinating, there is always a mother who takes care of everything for him.\” Only by being a lazy mother properly can you have the opportunity to cultivate diligent qualities in your children. Parents’ nagging is destroying children’s intelligence. So why does my child’s temperament change drastically? Later, I consulted a professional pediatrician alone. The doctor asked me: \”When you are communicating with your child, do you often interrupt your child or interrupt something he is doing?\” When I think about the past, this is indeed the case. When my child was doing homework, I looked at the crooked words and couldn\’t help but utter a few words; when I saw his sitting posture was not correct, I would also say a few words; when he was concentrating on playing games, I frequently interrupted; whenever my child When talking to me, I always thought he was going to talk back, so I never let him finish what he said… The doctor said: \”This is the reason why your child\’s personality has changed so much. You like to reason with him repeatedly. At first, he will Listen to you, but if you keep interrupting your child\’s expressions and activities, your child will gradually think that you don\’t trust him and that he is worthless, so he will suddenly become tough and \’resist\’ you to show his power.\” \”In addition, children\’s childhood is an excellent period for developing intelligence and concentration. If parents interrupt frequently, it will affect the development of children\’s intelligence and concentration.\” It turns out that my good intentions were self-defeating. When children are growing up, the most taboo things are \”nagging\” and \”urging\”. Brain scientist Lin Chengzhi once confirmed that \”hurry up\” is a forbidden word for cultivating a smart brain and cultivating concentration. In other words, if we want to raise a smart child, we should tell the child less \”hurry up\” and less nagging. Because 0-12 years old is a critical period for children\’s brain development, and various activities in the brain are very frequent. Our urging will interfere with the child\’s brain. In the panic, the brain only receives this instruction: \”Don\’t spend too much time on what you are doing now. The most important thing is to finish it quickly.\” After the brain receives the instruction, it will end the matter in a hurry and turn to other things, and the child will lose the opportunity to focus on exploration. If everything is rushed, children will develop the habit of not thinking. The space for the brain to grow upward is narrow, and the differentiation of intelligence appears. As the saying goes, it takes two years to learn to speak, but it takes a lifetime to learn to shut up. Is this true for parents? How can parents communicate to cultivate self-disciplined children? 1. Shutting up when it’s time to shut up is the highest level of accomplishment for parents. There is a saying that goes like this: “Every child is dancing on the tip of their parents’ tongues.” No matter how well-intentioned words and teachings are, if they go too far, they will still be useless. It will become a hurtful thorn and thorn in the heart of the child. In the past few years of raising children, I have become more and more aware of the truth: as a parent, being able to speak is a skill, but knowing how to shut up is a higher level of wisdom. ① When your child is focused, please shut up and don’t let companionship become “interference”. A class teacher once shared the story of a proud student in a speech: This student has been a top student since he was a child. No matter what subject, his grades are always good. Be among the best. The head teacher once asked his mother to share her \”education experience\” at a parent-teacher meeting: \”We actually didn\’t do anything, we justTry to talk as little as possible, don\’t interfere, don\’t disturb. As parents, keeping your mouth shut is the best support for your children. \”When a child is focused on doing something, quiet companionship and a graceful exit can help the child grow more than endless nagging and meticulous care. ② When the child wants to try, please shut up. Don’t let worry turn into a “curse.” Psychiatrist Professor Susan Ward said: Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas. When parents are overly worried and always use negative After the child is constantly reminded and hinted by the language, the child\’s brain will unconsciously move closer to this hint. Then, these worries will slowly control his thoughts and affect his behavior. In the end, \”whatever you are afraid of will come to you.\” Whether you want to make a child successful or ruin your child depends entirely on the parents\’ mouth. ③When the child makes a mistake, please shut up and don\’t let anxiety hinder growth. A writer once told such a story: Buying flowers on the street, a 5-year-old boy I tried to tie a bow on the bouquet with a ribbon, but failed several times. The grandmother on the side couldn\’t help scolding the child, but the writer comforted the little boy: \”Take your time, don\’t be in a hurry. Later she wrote in the book: \”Yes, I am willing to wait a lifetime for him to tie this bow calmly and calmly, using his five-year-old fingers; take your time, my child.\” \”Growth is a process of constant trial and error. If you shield your children from all difficulties, you are actually depriving your children of the opportunity to grow. The greatest foresight as a parent is not to rush to correct your children\’s mistakes and allow your children to try and make mistakes. 2. Let go Letting your children take responsibility is more effective as a parent than nagging them 100 times. Instead of nagging your children 100 times, it is better to let your children bear the consequences once. The earlier this happens, the smaller the price the child will pay. The later this happens, The higher the price the child pays. There is a mother next to me. Her son has a master\’s degree from Peking University and her daughter has a master\’s degree from Renmin University of China. It can be said that she is a good teacher. When asked about the method of educating her children, this mother told me a story. : “When my child was in grade 2, he needed someone to keep an eye on him before he could do his homework. Once when I was on a business trip, my child was so happy that he didn’t do his homework for several days. Who wants their children to go to school on Friday and be criticized by the teacher in front of the whole class, and the teacher will also find parents to review. \”I was so surprised that my jaw almost dropped: \”Then you must be so angry? She smiled and said, \”No, no, no, I\’m very grateful for this opportunity.\” Because from then on, the first thing he did after school was to do his homework, and he never let me worry about it again. \”Is it that simple?\” \”Yes, we are reluctant to let our children suffer now, but when the children are young, allowing them to bear the consequences appropriately will be of profound help to the future.\” A good drum doesn\’t need a heavy hammer, a good horse doesn\’t need a whip. Smart children only need to experience it once or twice and be prompted to understand it. \”Compared with the past me, I suddenly had some epiphanies: I nagged my child 100 times, \”Hurry up, you\’re going to be late.\” The child has never experienced the experience of being punished for being \”late\”; I repeat it every day \”Hurry up and do your homework\”, the child has never experienced the consequences of \”missing the homework\”; I repeatedly told him to \”dress more today\”, the child cannotTo solve the uncomfortable experience of \”wearing less to catch a cold\”… I have never experienced it, so naturally I am not afraid. Just like someone who has never eaten chili peppers, does he know that chili peppers are \”hot\”? As Rudolf Drakes said in \”Parent Challenge\”: \”For children, only the natural consequences of disrupting the social order can truly learn social adaptation.\” Parents dare to let their children go on their own Bearing consequences is a skill. But many parents, including me, are reluctant to let their children take responsibility for small things. When big events come, the children will suffer even more. Sun Xiaoguo, who committed a heinous crime, is a typical example. Due to lack of discipline since he was a child, he started causing trouble everywhere, getting into fights and doing all kinds of evil. The mother, out of compensatory psychology, took advantage of her position to dote on her for a time. Who would have thought that in 1994, Sun Xiaoguo was imprisoned for rape, and in 1998, Sun Xiaoguo was sentenced to death for rape and intentional injury, which is sad. If you are unwilling to let your children bear the consequences for \”small mistakes\”, they will have to pay a greater price in the future. \”Your Child Is Not Your Child\” says: \”Love is fragile. If you use too much force, it can easily lead to tragedy. If you use it in the wrong way, your love may become the biggest source of injury to your child.\” Some words, parents The more you talk, the further away your child becomes from you. As parents, we are meant to learn to shut up and let go. When we let go of anxiety, our children have time to grow. When we take a step back, our children have room to develop. After all, education itself is a process of \”three points of teaching, seven points of teaching, etc.\” There is no immediate education, only stumbling growth. Click \”Like\” and encourage all parents.