How to cultivate self-disciplined, motivated, diligent and studious children

Have you ever discovered that: sometimes, the more strict you are on your children, the more they like to be lazy. You stared at him closely, urged him, forced him, but he still tried his best to deliberately delay and delay. You are so anxious that you have to put more pressure on the child and even punish him, but the child still goes his own way without changing. There is such a scene in \”Super Parent\”: the mother asks her son after work every day: \”Have you done your homework?\”. Once he found out that his son didn\’t do it, he scolded him vehemently: \”Why didn\’t you write a word?\” \”How many times did I call you and how many times did I urge you?\” \”Why are you so undisciplined?\” But what about the child? ? Not only was he indifferent to his mother\’s urging, he even stared at her like an enemy, with a posture of \”the more you act like this, the less I will write.\” A German mother’s experience in teaching the code of integrity and self-discipline: Teach good children who are strong + independent + tolerant + frugal. I remember it was mentioned in \”The Road Less Traveled\” that children\’s lack of self-discipline is not necessarily due to lax parental discipline. On the contrary, excessive parental control and oppression are likely to arouse children\’s resistance. I very much agree with a passage on the Internet: \”Where does a child\’s self-discipline come from? From the time he starts to love the world, from the time he starts to like himself, from the time he starts to recognize the correct way to open something. His self-discipline arises from the bottom of his heart. Got it.\” That hit the mark. Children\’s self-discipline is not forced by their parents, but depends on the child\’s self-esteem level. Therefore, if you want to raise a highly self-disciplined child, you must achieve these 6 points. Give up coercion and give children the opportunity to be independent. A mother once asked for help online in distress: \”I have set a lot of disciplines for my children since they were young: they must do their homework as soon as they come home. If they can\’t finish their homework, they can\’t go out. Play. Get up early every day and recite an ancient poem, and write a weekly diary every week… But why do children become more and more rebellious the more they are supervised?\” In fact, the educator Mr. Tao Xingzhi used to feed chickens with rice very early on. The story provides the answer. When Mr. Tao Xingzhi gave a speech at Wuhan University, he specially brought a rooster and a handful of rice. He held the rice in his hand and used his other hand to force the rooster to eat the rice. As a result, the rooster was frightened and not only refused to eat the rice, but instead flapped its wings and flew around. Later, when he scattered the rice randomly on the platform and stayed away from the rooster, the rooster took the initiative to peck at the rice. Educating children is like feeding rice to chickens. If we always control and force our children like a ruler, it will not only destroy the child\’s inner motivation, but also easily arouse the child\’s rebellious psychology, causing the child to run counter to our expectations. Every child has a desire for autonomy and self. Only by giving up all kinds of control, orders and demands on children, respecting their wishes, and giving them some opportunities for autonomy can we fully mobilize their subjective initiative and allow them to proactively do what they should do. Resist nagging, blaming, and urging and let your children experience \”natural consequences.\” Rousseau\’s \”Natural Education Method\” has been verified by countless parents as \”100 times more effective than nagging, blaming, and urging.\” For example, if a child wakes up early and stays in bed early, let the child experience the consequences of being late. child doing homeworkIf you are sloppy, let your child have a taste of being criticized by the teacher. If the child is too playful and refuses to eat, let the child taste the taste of hunger. When Teacher Yin Jianli’s daughter was in the first grade of elementary school, there was a period of time when she would not do her homework after school. Teacher Yin Jianli looked worried, but he resisted and ignored her. Until one day, teacher Yin Jianli\’s daughter woke up from her sleep and said: \”I didn\’t do my homework and was criticized by the teacher.\” When she woke up, she found that she really didn\’t do her homework. Teacher Yin Jianli looked at her anxious look and did not blame her. Instead, she suggested that she either go to bed late tonight and finish her homework, or go to school tomorrow morning to discuss with the teacher not to do her homework. As a result, my daughter firmly chose to stay up late to do her homework. Since then, Teacher Yin Jianli’s daughter has developed a good habit of consciously doing homework after school. Just like the truth revealed to us in the story \”Pony Crossing the River\”: \”No matter how often others point out dangers to us, it is not as impressive as our own experience.\” Only by allowing children to gain experience from real experience, and from experience By summarizing the cause-and-effect relationship, they can truly understand what is right and what is wrong, and only then can they have the inner power of self-motivation and self-control. Change the reward method and use spiritual rewards instead of material rewards. My friends often use pocket money rewards to motivate their daughters to practice piano. It worked really well at first. But as time went by, her daughter began to \”bargain\” and \”make terms\” with her, which made her friend feel helpless. I remember that an American psychiatrist once conducted a \”material reward experiment\”: he put a little mouse in a homemade wooden box. The little mouse ran around in the wooden box, accidentally stepped on it and triggered the mechanism, and easily got the food. After several times, the little mouse easily mastered the skill of obtaining food. However, this enthusiasm and satisfaction did not last long, and the little mouse got tired of it. He no longer walks around in the wooden box, but when he is hungry, he will choose to press the mechanism to get food to satisfy his hunger. This shows that material rewards can only have a temporary effect. The most important thing is that material rewards will change children\’s learning motivation, turning \”I want to learn\” into \”learning for rewards.\” Once the rewards stop or the child\’s needs are not met, the child\’s interest and drive to learn will disappear. Therefore, parents must learn to change the way of rewards – give up material rewards and pay attention to spiritual rewards. For example: give your children a satisfied smile, an appreciative look, a sincere encouragement and praise…let them feel our love and attention. You can also give your child a long-awaited trip, fulfill a child\’s wish, accompany your child to watch a movie, play football… and give your child a huge sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. The richer the rewards, the less boring the children will be. The more thoughtful the reward, the more lasting and effective the motivation for the child will be. Discover your child’s shining points and give him more “positive hints.” Professor Martin, an educational psychology professor at the University of Edinburgh, has proven through experiments: “Nearly 90% of people with outstanding performance in quality, consciousness and intelligence have experienced positive feedback from their parents when they were young. Hint.\” Parents\’ language has a profound impact on children. If we always give our children some negative feedback or giveChildren apply negative labels: Why are you so careless? Why do you like to be lazy so much? The child will subconsciously accept such hints and use actual actions to prove \”I am who you say I am.\” If we often give our children some positive hints: you finished your homework in time today and wrote it very seriously; you are diligent and hardworking; you will definitely become a very self-disciplined person in the future. These positive hints and positive expectations will warm the child\’s heart, promote the child\’s internal drive, and allow the child to spontaneously develop upward and in a good direction. Like the famous Rosenthal effect. Rosenthal once wrote a \”most promising list\” in an elementary school. The students on this list are selected at random. Surprisingly, after 8 months, the scores of all the students on the list have improved greatly, and they are better than before in all aspects. Facts have proven that the kind of hints you give your children will shape the kind of children you will become. If you want your children to get better, you must pay more attention to their shining points, give them more positive expectations, and let them know that they are great and that they can take care of themselves. Only then will the children become better and better with our suggestions. The better. Don’t rush for success. Start with a small change. Developing good habits doesn’t happen in a day. If you want to help your children develop good habits, you must know how to do it step by step. American social psychologists Friedman and Fraser once conducted an experiment on \”pressure-free submission-the threshold technique.\” In the experiment, the experimenter went to two residential areas to do the same thing and persuaded people to put up a \”Drive Carefully\” placard in front of their houses. The difference is that the experimenter in the first residential area made this request directly to the residents. As a result, most residents rejected it, and only 17% of the residents agreed. The experimenter in the second residential area first asked residents to sign a petition in favor of safe driving. This was a small request that was easy to do, and almost all residents agreed. A few weeks later, the experimenter again asked the residents to erect placards, and 55% of the residents agreed. Experiments have shown that people are unwilling to accept higher and more difficult requirements, but are willing to accept smaller and easier requirements. After achieving easier requirements, people will accept larger and more difficult requirements. We cannot make children self-disciplined all at once. So, let’s lower our requirements for our children and start with a small change. When the child does it, give the child positive praise in time, and then gradually increase the requirements, so that the child can become a truly self-disciplined person. Understand the child\’s psychological needs first before solving the problem. Once, I urged my son to write a composition. My son struggled for almost an hour, but he only wrote two sentences. I saw him lowering his head and picking his hands constantly, so I got angry and yelled at him: \”Why do you love being lazy so much?\” As soon as I finished speaking, my son\’s tears fell down, feeling extremely aggrieved. I said quietly: \”Mom, it\’s not that I don\’t want to write, it\’s that I don\’t know how to write next?\” At that moment, I was shocked. It turns out that sometimes children don’t want to do well, but they are asking us for help. There is a saying in marketing: \”You must first correctly understand the needs of the other party before you can haveSolve problems effectively. \”The same goes for cultivating children\’s self-discipline. When a child behaves badly, the first thing we have to do is not to criticize, blame and punish, but to accept the child\’s shortcomings, explore the child\’s psychological needs, and understand the reasons behind the child\’s behavior, such as : Children are not self-disciplined in learning. Is it because they lack interest in learning? Hate being rudely assigned tasks by their parents? Can’t feel the joy of learning? Encounter difficulties that can’t be overcome? Have no confidence in success? … Only by finding the real problem of the child , can we prescribe the right medicine and cure the disease. Scott Pike wrote in \”The Road Less Traveled\”: \”The driving force of self-discipline comes from love. The basis of self-discipline is the recognition of self-worth. When a person feels that he is valuable, he will take all necessary measures to take care of himself and cherish himself. \”In the final analysis, if you want your children to get better, you must make them feel good. When children feel bad, we can never teach them self-discipline. Only when children feel happy will they give us surprises in return. So, if we want To raise a child with high self-discipline, you must give them more respect, trust, love and sense of value. Only by letting them believe that they can do well can they grow into a self-disciplined and conscious person.