How to cultivate the habit of active learning in children

It is no exaggeration to say that I was driven crazy by my son’s procrastination. My son is in the fifth grade of elementary school this year, and he is very lazy in studying and doing homework. A simple recitation passage takes more than an hour to memorize over and over again, memorizing it for a while, and dazing for a while; a 500-word essay takes more than 2 hours to write; a few simple math questions can be completed in 10 minutes, but he But it takes half an hour, or even an hour. In my opinion, he doesn\’t have much homework, but every day, almost every day, I need to constantly urge and scold him from behind so that he can finish writing around 9 or 10 o\’clock and go to bed. If you go to bed late at night, you will naturally be unable to get up in the morning. I have to scream and scream to get up, and then I take my time eating and dressing. Before I go out every day, there is chaos and chaos, and I feel extremely anxious. The most irritating thing is that children’s spare time is almost entirely occupied by homework. In fact, I really don’t want him to go to school all day during the day, then sit there and do homework when he comes home from school at night, and go to bed after finishing his homework. I also want him to have his own time to rest, play, and exercise. This is a boy. Normal way of growing up. Even my own rest time is spent studying with him and constantly urging him. I don’t know when this troublesome life will end? It was like this in elementary school. I can’t even imagine what my son will be like when he gets to junior high school and the academic pressure and difficulty increase. In order to solve his problem of procrastination, I have used various methods. What kind of tomatoes? The clock is ticking, there is a time limit to complete it, and it is said to be finished early and played early, but it doesn\’t work at all. To this end, I began to consult a professor friend about parenting knowledge, and I eagerly hoped that he could point me to a clear path and help me solve this problem. It was also during this process that I discovered that the direction I had been taking was completely reversed. Now I will share in detail how my friends and I sorted out and dismantled the children’s problems. Ancient Poems + Chinese Studies + Milk Bubble Idioms Story Complete Series on Baidu Netdisk I told my friend: \”When he does his homework, he either stays in a daze, drinks water or goes to the toilet. He often writes until late at night… In addition to yelling and non-stop There\’s nothing you can do about it.\” He told me that there are traces behind every abnormal behavior of children. People follow the principle of \”seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages\”, and his behavior must have \”benefited\” him. The place. Why do so many children now delay and procrastinate when studying and doing homework without even realizing it? The fundamental reason behind this is: parents are in charge of things too much and urge their children too frequently, so that their children never have time to relax. Once they urge them too much, the children will become old-fashioned and unmoved at all. A study by American psychologist Dr. Timothy found that authoritarian and strict parents are more likely to raise procrastinating children. This is because procrastination is, to a large extent, a passive-aggressive behavior to resist the control of others. Every child needs free space to play and relax in their childhood. If a child does not feel respected and loses the free space that he should have, he will passively resist and express his dissatisfaction through friction. Therefore, many times, children\’s dillydally may actually be \”rebelling\” against their parents. friendMy friend’s words made me think deeply. In retrospect, when my son first entered elementary school, he really didn\’t have such a hard time. He can consciously do his homework every day when he comes home from school, and can usually finish it within an hour. Later, playing Ultraman cards became popular among their classmates. He was also addicted to it. He often took it home and played with it for a long time, and told me about it with great interest. I think this kind of game is a waste of time. He can\’t help but take it out to play when he is doing his homework, which distracts his attention. Moreover, children comparing who has more cards and whose cards are newer will fall into comparison, which is not conducive to establishing correct values. From then on, I began to worry about him and especially liked to watch him study: once he got distracted and started playing with stationery, I would urge him; when he encountered something he couldn\’t do, he would stop to think and urge me again… Doing this caused two very serious consequences that I was not aware of: The first was at the brain level: my urging, blaming, and criticism put him in a state of tension for a long time, and his brain could not function normally, which was equivalent to \”becoming stupid.\” \”. Because when I watch him study, I can\’t help but say that he didn\’t do a good job here or made a mistake there, and I keep picking on him. This behavior is actually an invisible \”attack\” that will make him nervous, Feelings of anxiety. In the long run, this kind of intense pressure will cause the brain to unconsciously \”protect itself\”. As soon as it sees me sitting next to it, the brain will \”automatically shut down\” and cannot function normally at all. How can I still have the energy to study and think efficiently? What? The second is the psychological and emotional level: because of my urging, he felt very unhappy. He felt that he was being controlled and could not resist directly, so he could only \”silently resist\” by dilly-dallying. So, the more he dilly-dallyed, the more I pressed him; the more I pressed him, the more he wanted to dawdle, falling into a vicious cycle. Slowly, dilly-dallying became his son\’s behavior pattern. No matter what he did, he would try to delay it as long as possible. A friend told me that it is really difficult for parents to stay calm when faced with a child who is procrastinating in doing everything, including homework. But we also need to understand the fact that children don’t push faster and faster, but they drag more and more. I regretted a little: \”Then what should I do now? I\’m already stalling so much. If I don\’t push him, how can I stop him from stalling?\” My friend said that he wanted to get rid of the child\’s habit of stalling and let the child learn consciously and proactively. You can try the following 3 methods. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! 1. You must first shut up and stop nagging your child, only then can your child\’s resistance be gradually eliminated. A survey once showed that many children will immediately show resistance to things that they are proactive and willing to do once their parents urge them. \”I was planning to read a book, but as soon as my mother pushed me, I immediately stopped wanting to study. \”The more I pushed, the more I felt like I was doing something for them, so slow down. \”In psychology, there is an \”over-limit effect.\” It means that when a person receives too much or too strong stimulation, it will cause impatience and rebelliousness. If the child dawdles, the parents can\’t help it. Urging, or even reprimanding and scolding will only arouse children\’s rebellious emotions. The result is that children and parents will fight against each other and become more and more difficult to learn and do things.Come more and more procrastinated. After understanding this truth, when faced with my son\’s procrastination, I stopped urging and nagging me in the past, and instead gave him a reminder to stop. When my son was doing his homework again, I only told him: Take some time and wash up early after finishing your homework. Then, no longer go in to \”patrol\” and urge frequently like an alarm clock. A few days later, I discovered that my son was finishing faster and faster. It seems that as psychology says, if parents always \”hold on\” to one thing, it will take a hit to their children\’s confidence and weaken the trust between parents and children. And when a son feels the trust from his parents, he will become proactive and conscious. 2. Give children the initiative and responsibility for learning and let them control their own learning pace. In the past, the scene when I studied with my son was like this: he sat at the table, and I sat behind to supervise him. If I find that he starts to do the questions without reading the text once, I will immediately point it out and correct his mistakes in order. After a while, when my son was doing his math homework, he did the application questions at the end first instead of the multiple-choice questions at the front. I interrupted my son again and asked him to start from the beginning. Thinking about it now, my control and command affected the child\’s sense of autonomy, thereby destroying the child\’s right to make arrangements for himself. Educator Ringer once said: \”The only thing educators have to do is to unconditionally protect or even defend children\’s initiative, rather than control it.\” Learning and writing homework are things that children need to complete independently, so parents must Give children the initiative and control over learning, and let them learn to arrange their own learning time and tasks. From then on, I stopped accompanying my son to do his homework. I told him that homework is your own business and you have to bear the consequences yourself. I found that what I had worried about in the past, that my son would become lawless without supervision, did not happen. On the contrary, in this freedom of being able to decide his own behavior, his son became more active and slowly learned to be responsible for himself. 3. Correctly understand the child’s learning ability and knowledge level, break down the learning content, and let the child feel the sense of accomplishment of “passing the test”. The sense of achievement is the \”catalyst\” for every child to do things quickly, efficiently and emotionally. In the past, I couldn\’t stand to see my son idle. Whenever I saw him playing, I would get extremely anxious. I always judged whether what my son was doing was \”useful\” from an adult perspective. Now, I have made an agreement with my son that if he can finish his homework quickly every day, then the rest of the time will be at his disposal and he can do whatever he wants. Of course, quality must also be guaranteed. At the same time, I also changed from \”watching from the other side\” to truly understanding his current knowledge level, helping him sort out and dismantle his homework, and working with him to make a detailed small task list. When he completes a small task on the list, he just ticks it. Every time he completes a task, it is like clearing a level. His son has a sense of accomplishment of \”passing the level\”, and his whole state of completing the homework is completely different. In this way, my son not only improved his learning efficiency, but also had the play time he dreamed of. He had a great time and knew that the time after finishing his homework was all his own, so he was highly focused when studying., the homework was completed quickly and well. The problem that has troubled me for a long time has been solved through scientific methods. Nowadays, I often hear the parents of my classmates scolding their children for being lazy, and I don’t know what to do. I want to say this to those parents who are anxious about their children’s rubbing: Behind every child who is rubbing their children, there is an offside parent. If you are always staring at your child, urging your child, or being more anxious than your child, then you have crossed the line. Only by understanding the real reasons behind the procrastination, letting go of anxiety, and giving children enough trust and freedom can they take learning as their own business and truly be conscious and proactive. Click \”Like\” and encourage all parents.