How to deal with children lying

The first time you discover your child lying is when the child is old. Parents don’t like to see their children lying, so when they discover their children lying for the first time, most parents are panicked. Is my child a bad learner? How come you learned to lie at such a young age? Is this normal? In fact, there are very few children who have never lied. Is it a necessary process for children to grow up? Are people born with lies? Developmental psychologists who study human growth first raised a question about lying behavior: Are people born to lie? The study found that children before the age of two or three are incapable of lying. Lying seems simple, but in fact it requires very advanced thinking skills. This ability can only be acquired after a person is two or three years old, or even three or four years old. In other words, children are basically incapable of lying before they are about three years old. Teacher Todd lectures on preschool child psychology for free download [Complete 180 episodes] When you find a three or four-year-old child lying, don’t be so panicked. This shows that the child is no longer a little person like a \”little animal\”, but is already integrating into human beings. Society has made staged progress on its journey. Psychologists have long studied that lying is part of human nature. There are four reasons why children lie: Can\’t distinguish between reality and fiction. Children around 3 years old are in a stage of rapid development of imagination. It is not uncommon for children of this age to hear “lies” flying all over the place, and they cannot accurately distinguish between imagination and fact. But they are eager to express what they are thinking, so they vaguely mix what is in their minds with reality. This has nothing to do with the child\’s character. Lying to avoid punishment or to get what you want is a self-protection mechanism in the child\’s mind to avoid punishment. In fact, some moral definitions are based on parents\’ understanding from an adult perspective, and they label children \”lying\”. In fact, the child just wants to get a candy or be spared a blame. In the TV series \”Little Farewell\”, Fang Duoduo, a third-year junior high school girl, scored 74 in the chemistry test. In order not to upset her parents who had high hopes for her, she changed her score to 94. In order to compare and attract attention, have you ever had this experience? When your child is playing with other children and sees that the other person has a powerful toy, he will immediately say: \”I also have a more powerful toy at home!\” But in fact, he does not. , in fact, this kind of \”lying\” caused by \”comparison\” is also an unintentional lie, just to satisfy one\’s own vanity. There are also some children who do this in order to please their parents and teachers\’ attention, to win their praise, and to satisfy their own psychological needs for attention and praise. In a previous episode of the variety show \”Youth Talk\”, a boy was isolated by his classmates because of his habit of lying. But the reason why he did this was just to hope that everyone would pay attention to him and like him. White lies For older children, they begin to have their own sense of right and wrong, and they will make \”white lies\” by judging what is good and what is bad. Behind such lies, the child’s starting point is “well-intentioned”. Being able to lie is an \”invisible\” ability. When parents discover that their children are lying, most of them feel \”as if they are facing a formidable enemy\” and think that their children have \”bad learning.\” But in fact, you don’t need to panic too much. Being able to lie is actually a kind of “ability”. It\’s a lieAn important ability in children\’s mental development. A professor at a foreign child psychological development research center believes: \”The occurrence of lying behavior in children is a reliable sign that they are on the right track of growing cognitive abilities.\” Because when children lie, they not only need to identify the other person\’s mental state and emotions , it also requires certain thinking ability and logical expression ability as well as self-control of expressions, postures, etc. In other words, children need to master two skills when lying: one is theory of mind, which is the ability to read minds; the other is control ability. Therefore, when we discover that a child is lying, it is also when the child is gradually mastering these two skills, and the child\’s cognitive ability is improving. However, this does not mean that we should indulge our children, but when we find that our children are lying, it is better to guide them well instead of being anxious and reprimanding them. After a child lies, attitude is very important. When a child lies, parents may react with anger. Some parents’ first reaction is to link this behavior with the child’s quality. The most common one is: You are not a good child, you are a good liar. It\’s okay when you\’re older… We now know that lying is the only way for children to grow up. Instead of making a fuss, being anxious, or even \”speeding evil words\” and hurting children, we might as well calm down first and tear off the common concept of \” \”Lying is a quality problem\” label, to understand lying from a positive perspective. Children\’s lying is a manifestation of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages. We must believe in children\’s instinct to be good. In fact, if parents want to guide their children to the path of integrity and honesty, it is important to peel away the appearance of their children\’s lies and explore the hidden psychological reasons behind their children\’s lies. There is an example: a primary school student wanted a new type of pencil case, so he \”deceived\” his parents in the name of buying an exercise book, and bought the pencil case with the money. After getting to know the toy, the parents discovered that the reason why their children wanted this toy so much was because almost everyone in the class had one and it was a \”popular item\” among the classmates. The reason why the child wants this pencil case so much that he doesn\’t hesitate to lie is because he wants to blend in with his peers and satisfy his little \”vanity.\” After parents learn the \”truth\”, they need to reflect: It\’s just the money for the pencil box, why do the children dare not ask us directly for it? At home, do children have normal access to money to get what they want? Do we really give our children the opportunity to express their needs? With such reflection and finding the real reasons behind children\’s lies, we can truly help and guide children. Will you communicate after your child lies? After knowing the motive of your child\’s \”lying\”, what we need to do is to fully accept and affirm the child, provide more guidance and encouragement to the child, enhance the child\’s confidence in expression, and protect the child\’s self-esteem and ambition. During the whole process, it is particularly important for parents to \”communicate\”. We might as well try the BIC communication method: B stands for Behavior (behavior) When talking about children\’s behavior, talk about facts rather than opinions. Change \”You lied\” to \”The teacher said you got 60 points in the math test, but the test paper you brought back was 80 points.\” I stands for Impact when talking about impact and tell the children that this impact is short-term. ,partial. \”This will make you not know the true progress of your mastery of knowledge points, and will also make your mother and teacher sad.\” C stands for Consequence. Consequences refer to long-term consequences, which are more far-reaching than the second part. \”If this continues for a long time, mom will worry that you will not study hard and master knowledge because of shortcuts. After all, a test score is nothing. Whether you can truly master this knowledge point is the most important, right?\” Finally, we must give our children room to think and confess their feelings. A child who lies needs an opportunity to take the initiative to confess, give him a step up, and let the child feel your understanding and acceptance. Lies will no longer be necessary. \”Honesty is a symbol of strength. It shows a person\’s high self-respect and inner sense of security and dignity.\” If you want to raise an honest child, the most important thing is that the family encourages honest behavior. When your child confesses to you, no matter how bad the incident may be, you should encourage your child to be honest.