How to deal with conflicts between children

Recently, several \”break-up letters\” written by primary school students have become popular. \”Don\’t come when I\’m getting married, and I won\’t attend your funeral!\” \”Let\’s break up our friendship! Let\’s put down all love and hope!\” \”xxx and xxx break up their friendship here!\” These contents not only made netizens sigh: the friendship between children has turned out to be It is also made of \”plastic\”, and the boat of friendship can capsize at any time! Some netizens said: The content is too cute, and some even have handprints on it, which is really annoying and funny! Some netizens said: Don\’t let your parents see it, otherwise if they interfere, the friendship will be ruined! If your child has a \”conflict\” with his classmates at school, as a parent, will you intervene? As a parent, what would you do? [Full two seasons] Doctor of Psychology Zhang Yijun\’s Children\’s Emotional Intelligence Course mp3, teaches you how to raise children with high emotional intelligence. In real life, when individual families deal with conflicts between their children and other children, adults will behave in extreme ways. In October 2020, Shanghai\’s \”News Morning News-021 Video\” reported such a news: The father of two primary school students \”made harsh words and made a fight\” in the parent group because of a small friction between the two children at school, and they were beaten. Got a bloody head. The cause of the incident was that two third-grade boys \”kicked\” and \”tripped and wrestled\” each other during school exercises. There was a slight awkwardness in the relationship between the two, and it soon turned into a quarrel and \”fight\” between the two parents in the parents\’ group. . On the morning of the conflict, the two fathers actually fought on the spot. One of the fathers was hit on the head by a U-shaped lock and was subsequently sent to the hospital for treatment. The police and the Education Bureau intervened, and the school psychology teacher also promptly had a heart-to-heart talk with the two boys to guide them correctly. Afterwards, things took a turn. According to the head teacher, the two boys had reconciled before the conflict between the parents. While the two dads were fighting, their children were holding hands and playing together! I still remember that in September 2018, a vicious murder occurred in Ruian City, Wenzhou: Lin had an eye injury because his daughter had an quarrel with a classmate at school, so he brought a knife into the school and chopped alive the boy who had an quarrel with his daughter in the toilet. die. For a time, there were different opinions on the Internet. Some netizens said: It was because the boy blinded Lin\’s daughter that Lin went to \”seek revenge.\” Is this really true? Subsequently, the Ruian Procuratorate released the relevant Weibo: In fact, Lin’s daughter was not blind and her injuries were minor, which did not affect her schooling. According to insiders, this conflict was just between children, and the parents of both parties had communicated before and reached an agreement on how to handle the dispute. In fact, it is every parent\’s instinctive reaction to love their children eagerly, but this way of resolving conflicts between children head-on seems to be a relief, but what\’s the point? Over-involvement of parents actually does more harm than good. There is a saying that \”children do not hold grudges when they fight.\” Perhaps it is precisely because they are not as serious as adults. For them, there is no concept of suffering or not suffering. The so-called \”suffering\” or not suffering is the parents\’ idea. So the children had just had a fight, and as soon as their tears dried up, they started playing together intimately again. As long as the child\’s safety can be ensured, there is no need to separate childrenThe problem is taken too seriously. If no bumps are allowed to occur, then the child\’s activity space and exploration opportunities can only be sacrificed, which will definitely do more harm than good to the child\’s growth. What problems will arise if parents are overly involved in conflicts between their children? 1 The conflict itself is not scary because the child is becoming more and more timid, but the parents’ excessive attitude is scary. Parents may notice that many times after conflicts, some children feel nothing because their injuries are relatively minor, while others cry for a while and then continue playing. Children themselves have some tolerance for bumps and pain. However, if a parent overreacts, gets emotional, or yells at others, it will make the child feel that this is a particularly serious matter. In order to prevent this from happening, children will become more and more timid, afraid to take risks, explore, and play games with their friends. This is very harmful to children\’s social skills and character development. 2. Children learn to shirk responsibility. If a collision occurs, parents will blame the teacher and reprimand classmates in front of their children. The children will feel that their collision and injury are entirely someone else\’s fault and have nothing to do with them. This way of handling things can easily make children learn to shirk responsibility to others. 3. Children are becoming more and more unsociable. In order to keep their children absolutely safe, parents often prevent their children from participating in so-called \”dangerous\” activities among their peers. However, social interaction between children is carried out through running, jumping and playing. If these activities are restricted, the children will become further and further away from their peers, and their social skills cannot be cultivated. When conflicts occur, parents should not be encouraged to intervene. Leave ordinary conflicts to the children themselves to try to resolve. This does not mean that parents can completely sit back and watch. Parents should remember that the general principle of helping children cope with social problems is that parents should serve as a safe base for their children. When conflicts arise between children, how should parents handle them correctly? ? Determine whether this is a \”normal conflict\” between children or whether the fights of bullied children are often part of the game. They will occasionally pull their companions\’ pigtails and pat their shoulders, but they cannot control these actions yet. degree, sometimes causing some injuries. In normal times, parents can remind their children not to move excessively when playing, and not to hit the other party\’s more vulnerable parts of the body, such as eyes. But if children\’s play does not cause safety accidents, parents do not need to take fights between children too seriously. ? Don’t directly intervene to warn the other party or punish the child. Adults do not interfere blindly. When there are disputes between children, the process of handling the problem by themselves is also a process of training them to deal with interpersonal relationships. Parents may hear only one-sided stories from their children and may not understand the ins and outs of the matter. If they intervene directly, it will make the matter more troublesome and complicated. ? Guide children to find ways to solve problems. When children do not know how to deal with conflicts with their friends and seek help from their parents, parents should guide their children to find ways to solve problems, and the following should be followed when determining the final solution. Principle: ▶ If the matter is serious, you should discuss solutions with the teacher and the other parent. ▶ If the responsibility lies with you, should take the initiative to apologize to the other party. ▶ If the responsibility lies with the other party, the child should be clearly told that this is a wrong behavior to prevent the child from imitating it. ▶ If it is a matter of principle, guide the children to learn to use appropriate methods to fight for their own rights. ? Communicate skillfully with the other parent and encourage children to interact normally. When \”conflicts\” occur between children, it is best for both parents to talk sincerely and solve the problem amicably. Children are the most keen observers. Children see everything their parents say and do, and it leaves a deep impression on their young hearts. Parents should not restrict their children from interacting with peers just because they often have quarrels and disputes. They should create conditions to encourage children to interact with others, so that children can gain experience in conflicts and disputes and increase their experience in interacting with others. What should parents do if conflicts escalate? Although parents are not encouraged to intervene in most cases, it does not mean that parents should sit back and watch in all cases. In some cases, conflicts between children require parents to understand, participate, and help their children coordinate and resolve them. For example, when a child is in danger, or when conflicts with classmates cannot be resolved for a long time, parents need help. If intervention is necessary, remember to relax your mind and adopt a helpful attitude, rather than actively replacing the assistant. During the intervention period, parents should pay attention to: accept the children after they express their emotions, do not immediately criticize what is right or wrong, and do not rush to impose your own ideas on the children, but give the children a sufficient sense of security. After the child\’s emotions have calmed down, discuss with him/her how to deal with it, or what to do next time the same thing happens. Every child is very smart about survival. When they encounter problems, they will actively think of solutions. If we interfere eagerly, we will deprive our children of opportunities to grow. This is what parents should do, do not break the children\’s rules for getting along, do not face conflicts between children, give the child space to deal with himself, guide the child at the appropriate time, and be his/her safe base.