How to deal with the problem of children who cannot afford to lose?

In our lives, some children, no matter what they do, can only win and cannot lose. He gets angry when he loses, throws a tantrum, and can\’t be coaxed no matter what. How should we deal with such children who cannot afford to lose? 1 A parent said that she and her child play games at home. If the child wants to play, she will play with him. But she asked the child not to cry or lose his temper if he lost. If the child cries or loses his temper, the child will be asked to go to a small dark room to reflect. This child is a very good child in the class, smart, sensible, quiet, and very capable of understanding what the teacher teaches. It sounds like it\’s working out well. 2 This approach is actually open to question. Adults can’t afford to lose either, so why must children afford to lose? In the face of victory or defeat, gain or loss, it is not easy to be calm and calm in every situation. How can it be so easy for a child of several years or ten years old to achieve it? It\’s just that adults don\’t roll around, shout and cry, and hide their discomfort in their hearts when they fail. I personally think that as a parent, you must first accept that your children \”cannot afford to lose\”. It is reasonable to feel ashamed of losing, feel sad and depressed because of losing. It is a necessary step to let children vent and digest the frustration caused by failure. If you forcefully require your children not to cry or feel uncomfortable when they lose, it may be difficult to cultivate a calm attitude towards \”losing\” in your children. Unhappiness and frustration will ferment if they are suppressed in the heart. What should I do if my children don’t take the initiative to learn? How to Make Children Fall in Love with Learning Efficient Accompanying Lesson Completion MP3 Behind the calm appearance, there may be a different kind of crisis hidden. What really needs to be paid attention to is the following aspects of children\’s performance: ① As long as they lose, they want to give up. Whether it is playing chess, playing games, or studying, as long as they lose, they can\’t do well. Or they feel that they may not be able to do it well and are not sure, so they think of giving up and don’t even dare to try. If you lose at chess, you will never play again; if you are criticized for dancing, you will never dance again. Some children who have had excellent grades since childhood may become tired of studying after failing in a test. This may be a similar situation. The feeling of failure is of course not good. In order not to experience this feeling again, from now on you only do things you are sure of. That is actually equivalent to setting up barriers and giving up the opportunity to try and experience yourself. ② Failure brings long-term emotional distress. I failed an exam once, and a month later I still felt silently uncomfortable. I was extremely nervous when I thought about the exam. If you lose in chess, you just smash the chessboard, out of sight and out of mind. I participated in a competition somewhere and lost, and after passing by that place, I felt uncomfortable. In this case, there is a bit of a \”stress response\” to failure, which requires timely intervention and guidance. ③ If you lose, you will feel resentful and jealous when you see the other person’s good grades. You will feel uncomfortable and simply rush up and tear up the other person’s test paper. If his father beat him at chess, he would punch and kick him to vent his dissatisfaction. All friends can only be worse than him. Anyone who surpasses him will be cut off. All of these are manifestations of projecting the painful feeling of failure outward. It shows that the child himself is completely unable to digest the negative emotions of failure, but chooses to attribute the source of pain to the outside world and find a \”scapegoat.\” In this way, the child willThere is no way to think about what I did wrong and how to win back. Instead, I focus on how to attack the opponent and avenge the \”failure\”. Obviously, the direction is completely wrong. In addition to the above situations, it is understandable to cry or even roll on the ground because of failure. If you lose at chess, you will shed tears and sniffle while continuing to play chess with your father, trying to find a way to win back… Isn\’t it also a cute scene? Of course, if the child\’s reaction to losing has reached a problematic level. You need to work from the following aspects: ① Understand emotions and encourage catharsis. As long as you don\’t hurt yourself or others, it doesn\’t hurt to cry or make trouble. If you can challenge again after crying, you are a good child. ② Avoid over-reinforcement of failure. We may be involuntarily malicious about failure. No one likes to fail, and we don’t want to see our children fail, so we can’t help but “punish” children who fail. It can range from laughing at a child\’s failure or saying he is incompetent. The most important thing is that after failing in the exam, you will be scolded, beaten, and even during a vacation, and you will not let go of this matter, and you will not be able to live a good life in the new year. In order to motivate students, schools will also use various methods to expose children\’s failures to the world: rankings, reading scores, and various differential treatments. Whether these methods can motivate children is not certain, and it is inevitable that they will aggravate children\’s fear of failure. ③ Analyze the reasons for failure and help children understand what they can do to win. Although failure is the mother of success, some preparations must be made to achieve this transformation. Failure cannot just turn into success. It is always necessary to learn from experience and make improvements before progress can be made. However, it is difficult for children to complete this analysis independently due to their lack of knowledge and life experience. If you force them to think about it, they will most likely come to the following conclusion: I just don’t have the ability, I am really too stupid and can’t do anything well. I\’m just too lazy and have no willpower, and I give up halfway on everything I do. Forget it, I can’t do anything well anyway, so I’ll just let it go. Such general and absolute conclusions may have no other effect than damaging people\’s confidence. Therefore, this process of analysis and summary requires the participation of parents. above.