How to ease children’s negative emotions

A friend asked Doudehui for help. Her child always had an emotional breakdown when encountering difficulties or unpleasant things. Doudehui invited her to come to our activity room with her children. During activity tasks, mothers rarely encourage and praise their children. When the child encounters difficulties, the mother even utters words of ridicule and accusation, such as: \”I told you not to work so hard, but you just don\’t listen to me. You can\’t do it now!\” From the mother\’s expression, I heard that of anger and contempt. After observing and understanding, I did not tell this mother how to educate her children, but suggested that she change herself first. Psychologist Professor Amy Halberstadt proposed the theory that family emotional expression affects children\’s psychological development. Family emotional expression refers to the verbal or non-verbal emotional expression style among family members, including positive emotional expression and negative emotional expression. When encountering difficulties, parents who express positive emotions will show more praise, respect, gratitude and other emotions. For example: thank your family members for what they have done, express your admiration when you see your family members’ outstanding behaviors, etc. They will virtually create a warm and harmonious family atmosphere. Children will also subconsciously use a positive attitude to view the things around them, and choose to express their emotions in a positive and appropriate way. In contrast, parents who express negative emotions will show more anger, sadness, hostility and other emotions when encountering difficulties. For example: blaming each other with family members, belittling family members\’ abilities, etc. Parents will create a depressed, dull, and tense atmosphere in the family. Over time, children will become more sensitive and more likely to express their emotions in negative and extreme ways when encountering difficulties. Therefore, to resolve children\’s frustration, parents can work hard in the following two aspects: On the one hand, parents should regulate their own emotions and set a good example for their children. In daily life, whether we are expressing emotions to children or other family members, we must think of having a learning \”audience\” around us, and give children a positive example of emotional expression, emotional control, and emotional regulation. For example: A father takes his child for outdoor activities, and the child falls down and scratches his knee. Mothers should not harshly accuse their fathers of not taking good care of their children and express their anger wantonly in front of their children. Instead, mothers should remind their children to learn to take care of themselves and gently forgive their fathers who may have neglected their children. In this way, not only will the father be willing to take the child out next time, but the child will also understand that when encountering setbacks or unpleasant things, we should choose tolerance and forgiveness rather than blaming our family members. How to deal with the psychological problems of adolescent children. On the other hand, parents should strive to create a harmonious, tolerant and happy family atmosphere. When eating, the child does not eat well and scatters the food all over the floor; when he loses in playing games, the child cries and makes a fuss… There are many scenes in family life that may cause parents to lose control of their emotions and lead to a tense family atmosphere. At this time, it is recommended that parents control their raging anger, express concern and tolerance to their children as soon as possible, calm down the tense emotional atmosphere, and then guide their children to actively solve the current problems. Children can capture the emotions of their parents very keenly and are the most accurate detectors of family emotional expressions. once capturedIf there is a crisis, he will immediately \”call the police\”. Parents express positive emotions to resolve negative emotions and create a relaxing family atmosphere. Children do not have to be always alert and can use more energy to control their own emotions. As emotional control gradually improves, children will be able to use appropriate ways to express emotions and cope with difficulties when they encounter frustration again. Therefore, when we see a child losing his temper due to frustration, we should change ourselves first rather than blaming the child. Parents should model emotional expression, emotional control and emotional regulation for their children, create a harmonious, relaxed and happy family atmosphere, and create conditions for them to learn positive emotional expression.