How to educate adolescent boys

Two months ago, I received a call from my son’s English teacher, saying that my son had been very unfocused in class these past few days. He was either whispering to his desk mates or those sitting next to him. I reminded him two or three times, but he still made the same mistakes. He also failed the quiz. When I got home, I threw my handbag on the sofa and rushed into my son\’s room. The son was startled and subconsciously stuffed things into the drawer. \”That\’s how you fooled me when I couldn\’t see you! Tell me! Why do you always talk in English class? You still refuse to change your ways! I am a teacher, but the teacher is looking for you because of you. You don\’t think it\’s embarrassing, but I still think it\’s embarrassing! \”I fired at my son like a machine gun. Seeing him rolling his eyes and looking impatient, I became furious and pulled his ear and continued: \”Speak, you are mute. You can speak well in class!\” My son was hurt by the tugging, so he pulled back hard and easily escaped from my grasp. \”What are you talking about? You always say what you say at home. I can\’t interrupt, let alone refute. Since I can\’t talk at home, I can only go to school and say it. If you beat me, you\’d better beat me to death! It\’s better to live if you die. In the hell on earth you created!\” Looking at my son\’s eyes full of hatred, my raised palms dropped weakly. I calmed my mind and said, \”How did you become like this? You, the well-behaved and sensible person, are gone. Where is it?\” \”You forced me to death! Get out! Get out!\” The son roared angrily. I have brought up so many outstanding students, but I didn’t expect that I would fail in educating my own children. I began to wonder, is there really something wrong with my education methods that forced my son to be like this? Suddenly I remembered a sentence I had read before: \”When educating adolescent children, as many parents are right as they are wrong.\” Thinking about it carefully, I realized that my son\’s current problems had already been there for a long time, but I had never noticed it and was still worried about my own. They are complacent about their brilliant educational methods. It turns out that when my son has a problem, I am the one who should reflect the most. One day after he mistakenly thought competition was education and entered junior high school, my son posted an A4 paper on the door with the words \”No idlers allowed in, please knock on the door if you need anything!!!\” and he solemnly pulled me and his father to look at it. . After that day, he closed the door when he entered the room. I had no idea what he was doing inside. Will he study honestly? Will he peek at something he shouldn\’t? Losing the sense of control made me feel even more anxious, so every half hour I would open the door to see what was going on inside. I was just afraid that he would be lazy and wanted to urge him to study, but I didn\’t expect that it would make him extremely bored. He quickly locked himself inside and refused to open the door no matter how hard I knocked. \”I\’ll count to three, open the door for mom, or don\’t blame me for being rude to you!\” There was no reaction in the room. Isn\’t this deliberately against me? Even before I grow up, I want to rebel against God! I turned around to find a screwdriver, hammer, and pliers, and with a clank, I removed the door lock. He said angrily: \”You are still the best, you win, you win!\” In the next few days, he studied more carefully, and just when I exclaimed triumphantly, \”Ginger is still spicy when you are old\”, I also Notice the obvious changes in him. When I talk to him, he ignores me and doesn\’t want to look me in the eye. He deliberately avoids contact with me. If anything happens, he always comes to him.dad. Only then did I realize: when I broke open the door, I was also forcing him to close the door to his heart. What I removed was not just the door lock, but also the son’s natural sense of closeness and trust towards his mother. As I saw a sentence before: \”There is a war between adolescent children and their parents. If the children win, it will be a comedy, and if the parents win, it will be a tragedy.\” The competition between parents and children is about anger, venting anger, and punishment, but there is no educate. Parents seem to have won against their children who are mentally and physically immature, but in fact they have lost miserably. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scanned PDF download. Mistaken disparagement for criticism. Obviously I can speak well and give my son the correct guidance and education, but I prefer to use degrading words to stimulate him. For example, when I see his scrawled handwriting, I will say: \”Dogs write better than you, how can you have the nerve to write it out.\” When his grades are not good, I pretend to be calm and say: \”You are so awesome, you always have the ability.\” Lower your mother\’s expectations even lower. Only mother can\’t think of it, but you can\’t do it.\” When he didn\’t make the bed, I said again: \”Cockroaches don\’t want to go to your bed because they have to turn on the navigation.\” I I didn\’t think there was anything wrong with these harsh and sarcastic words at all. Instead, I thought it was a way to provoke him, and it was all for his own good. The purpose was to make him aware of himself, reflect on himself, and then avenge his past shame. However, I forgot what happiness psychologist Zhou Fan said: \”The motivation method is completely inconsistent with the working principles of psychology. Because self-change requires strength, and every change requires strength to break the original old It’s a habit, and guilt is the fastest thing to kill a sense of power. The more you judge or condemn others, the more you deprive them of the power to change.” So, I didn’t wait for him to realize his shame and then be brave; On the contrary, he did not do anything I expected him to do well. It was not that he was incapable, but that he did it deliberately. It turns out that I deliberately used words to humiliate and stimulate him, which in the end only deprived him of the power to change. Mistaken preaching and nagging as caring. As a class teacher, I am the big parent in the class. I strive to cover everything and leave no regrets in everything, so I have to say many things repeatedly. For example: what are the steps to solve the problem, how to put the sanitary tools, how to arrange the dinner plates, and how to make the bed. There is absolutely no room for mistakes. Inevitably, I brought occupational diseases home with me. Even though my son is already in the second grade of junior high school, I still have to nag a few words about how to listen to lectures and how to answer questions every day before going to school. I just hope that my son can remember a few things from my nagging. Later, he became more and more tired of my chattering and turned away before I finished speaking. His reaction angered me, so I pulled him back and ordered him to recite what I said. He finished speaking helplessly, and muttered as he walked: \”I\’m so annoyed every day, it\’s really early menopause!\” I was angry and aggrieved, and I didn\’t even understand why he was so important to me when I was devoted to him. resentment? Professor Li Meijin once said: Before the age of 6, parents’ nagging is gold. After the age of 12, parents’ words are “rubbish”. Adolescent children have a strong sense of self-esteem and autonomy and regard themselves as adults early on. And I have always treated my son as a child, talking to him regardless of timing or priority. At this time, my wordsWords are not only worthless, but also annoying. The book \”Decoding Adolescence\” says: \”During adolescence, the mutations of the body and mind are like a violent storm. Every child who seems rebellious and unapproachable needs strong support from his parents.\” To this end, do Parents’ needs: 1. Don’t be too serious and improve your tolerance for your children. Once, after every test, I asked my son to review the test and write down the reasons for the mistakes. If the analysis was not in place, I would tear it up and try it again. When will I be satisfied? When did it stop. However, the more I pushed him, the more perfunctory he became, and the further he got further and further away from the results I wanted. Later, I changed my strategy and no longer held on to certain things that made me dissatisfied. Instead, I would praise the things my child did well, and he no longer contradicted me everywhere. I gradually discovered that being serious with adolescent children is most likely to lead to a lose-lose situation. Therefore, those issues of principle that have nothing to do with right and wrong should be left alone, and the relationship between mother and child will usher in an ice-breaking moment. 2. Avoid sharp edges and change the communication mode with your children. Adolescent children are like explosive bags, and they may not be sure which words or events will trigger the explosion. I also hit a wall when educating my son, and realized that I should change my usual commanding and sarcastic tone. When my son comes home from school, I no longer say to him, \”Go and do your homework, right away.\” Instead, I ask him, \”Are you tired today? Do you want to do your homework first or take a break first?\” I will also share with him what I have done with my students. Talk about interesting things he heard and saw at school. When the test results were not satisfactory, I no longer sneered at him, but analyzed with him the reasons for his failure and consolidated the knowledge points again. After persisting for a while, my son became more self-disciplined than before. After playing for half an hour, he wrote his homework on time, stopped scribbling, and was much more focused on memorizing things. I like a sentence very much: \”If an iron-like education falls on children, they will be as weak as water. If a soft-like education falls on children, they will be as strong and powerful as iron.\” Therefore, when facing adolescent children, , head-on confrontation is the last resort. Only by abandoning those commanding and shameless words can your children take off their defensive equipment and get close to you. 3. Be less intrusive, more respectful, and give your children enough room to grow. Before, I rarely considered issues from my son’s perspective. I always thought that he was still a child and that he would be infallible as long as he followed me as an educator. After thinking about it, it is not difficult to find that children of this generation have no worries about food and clothing, but their mental pressure is not small at all. After leaving school and then joining a cram school, I was as busy as a top, and I still had to carry the expectations of my family on my shoulders that were not generous enough. If they continue to be warned and monitored by their parents every day, they will have no breathing space at all. The result is irritable children and angry parents. The book \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”The best way to win over teenage children is to stand with them first with a kind, firm and respectful attitude. Let the children gain a sense of self-esteem and support through the support of being understood. A sense of belonging.\” So, here comes the problem. The correct approach should be for parents to give their children the greatest understanding and respect, stand on a united front with their children, and defeat the problem together. Only ifOnly in this way can the problem be solved smoothly and the children can grow up in peace. I am reminded of what the American clinical psychologist Lawrence Cohen said: \”Adolescence will end. If you have a close relationship with your child, the child will come back to you as an adult, and you will have a great impact on him. influence. However, if you always criticize him, refute him, and demand him, the parent-child relationship will be damaged. When he grows up, it will be difficult for you to have any influence on him.\” Adolescence is a critical period for every child\’s growth. , every change parents make will have a profound impact on their children\’s future and the rest of their lives. Nowadays, I no longer want to fix or correct my son because he is irritable, impulsive, and irritable. Instead, I regard his adolescence as an opportunity to repair the parent-child relationship and change the way of education. I am ready to accompany my son through the stage that may be a flower or a sharp knife. I hope to help him bloom his own flowers. Click \”Like\” and encourage us together.