How to educate children in the correct way

Nowadays, many parents believe in scientific parenting and learn parenting methods everywhere. But some parents will find that learning parenting techniques isn\’t enough. Yes, family education is a great undertaking, an arduous undertaking, and it will be affected by many factors. For example, family environment, parent-child relationship, parents’ behavioral habits, parenting styles, educational concepts, etc. If you want to raise excellent children, you not only need parents to master scientific parenting methods, but also need parents to grow up comprehensively. Moreover, when parents use parenting methods, they must add their own thinking and use them flexibly according to the actual situation of their children. Not all children are taught the same way. 01 Parenting methods cannot be applied mechanically, but should be used flexibly. Every child comes into this world as a unique individual, and the only people who know the child best in the world are his parents. After parents learn some educational methods, they must use them flexibly according to the specific situation of their children. For example, some parents cannot watch their children, listening to music and doing homework at the same time. She thinks that the child cannot concentrate on studying. In fact, we need to know that children’s learning styles are different. Some children are auditory learners. They prefer auditory stimulation and like to wear headphones and listen to music while studying. This method is suitable for them and can also bring them good learning effects. There are also some children who are not used to studying at home. As long as they study, they have to go to the library or study room. The cognitive style of such children is field-dependent, and they are easily affected by the surrounding environment. Therefore, when reading, they must choose an environment that suits them. Parents cannot demand their children based on their own behavioral patterns. The best way is the way that suits the child. After parents learn some parenting methods, they must think more about how to apply these parenting methods to their own children\’s education, and use them flexibly instead of applying them mechanically. 02 A good parent-child relationship is the foundation of family education. Over the years, you and your children have developed a consistent relationship with each other. If the parent-child relationship is not very good, then the parent-child relationship must be improved first. Establishing a good parent-child relationship is the foundation of family education. In real life, parent-child conflict problems are very common. Teacher Zhao Yuping, a famous psychological counselor in China, said: \”The problems that children encounter when they grow up are ultimately caused by problems in the parent-child relationship.\” The quality of the parent-child relationship is the key to the success or failure of family education. In many families, conflicts arise between parents and children because parents fail to handle the parent-child relationship well. So as a parent, how do you establish a good parent-child relationship with your children? 1. Learn to listen and understand the inner needs of children. In fact, in most cases, many parents replace their children\’s inner thoughts with their own, thus making communication between parents and children ineffective. Sometimes children mess up their rooms to get their parents\’ attention. But some parents don\’t even ask or listen, and they scold their children loudly because they make mistakes. Therefore, every parent must learn to listen and understand the true inner voice of their children. Only by truly understanding their children can parents satisfy their children\’s inner needs.Reach a spiritual connection with your children. 2. Earn the respect of your children. Many families are filled with struggle and hurt because their children do not obey their parents\’ discipline. These parents just want to \”win\” their children, not \”win\” their children. Jane Nelson, the author of \”Positive Discipline\”, proposed an effective discipline method called \”Positive Discipline\”, which emphasizes treating children in a \”kind and firm\” way. The core of positive discipline is to respect the child and win the child, not win the child. Winning children means that adults use their own actions to maintain the child\’s self-esteem, respect the child\’s attitude, and believe that the child has the ability to cooperate with adults. Winning the child means that the parent uses control and punishment to defeat the child and make the child obey his discipline. Family education is not for parents and children to argue about right and wrong, but for children to grow up healthily. 3. There must be boundaries between parents and children. The process of parents raising children is a process of constantly letting go of their children, and it is also a process of children becoming increasingly independent. In other words, as children continue to grow older, boundaries will begin to set between parents and children. The boundary between parent and child is the space that parents leave for their children to grow freely. For example, what clothes does the child wear today when he goes to school; what interest classes does he attend; what sports does he use to exercise, etc. These rights are the children\’s own rights and should not be imposed or interfered with by parents. If there are no boundaries between parents and children and there is too much entanglement, conflicts will definitely arise. Because parents exceed the boundaries of discipline, children lose their freedom, lose themselves, and make children feel pain. 4. When solving problems, parents must learn to stand on the same side as their children. For example, if a child procrastinates in doing homework, emotional parents will accuse him: \”Can you please do your homework quickly? If you can\’t finish your homework today, you won\’t be able to eat…\” But smart parents will definitely do it. Use empathy to stand on the same side as your child. He would hug his child and say softly: \”Baby, which question is stumping you? Tell me and I will help you. Don\’t worry, we will finish the homework soon.\” The parents hugged their children. , coupled with a heartfelt comfort, will bring extremely powerful strength and confidence to the child. Even if the child does not want to do homework, in this case, a strong motivation will be generated to drive the child to finish the homework quickly. Faced with any problem, as long as parents stand on the same page as their children, there is nothing that cannot be solved. 03Parents must learn to manage emotions. Parents\’ emotionality will also bring many problems to family education. According to online reports, a father was so angry that he slapped the table while he was doing homework with his baby. What\’s worse, his hand broke after slapping the table. How can it be possible for parents who are so emotional to raise excellent children? Their emotional patterns are extremely harmful to children\’s growth. There is a story: A father was criticized by his boss at the company. When he got home, he scolded his child who was jumping on the sofa. The child was so angry that he kicked the cat rolling next to him. The cat fled to the street, just as a truck was approaching. The driver quickly got out of the way, but injured the child on the side of the road. This kind of chain reaction caused by venting dissatisfaction on objects that are weaker than oneself or lower than oneself isThe famous kicking cat effect in psychology. The kicking cat effect actually means that bad emotions are contagious. The negative emotions that parents vent to their children in life will be transmitted to their children and internalized into their hearts, eventually entering their subconscious minds. As children grow up, they also reenact their parents\’ emotional patterns. Another point, parents need to be clear: Many of the negative emotions in your heart are not necessarily caused by your child, but your child\’s behavior triggers your memories of the past. If there is pain from childhood in your memory, then in the process of raising your children, you must always remind yourself not to let these traumas affect your children. The famous British psychotherapist Philippa Perry wrote in \”I Wish My Parents Read This Book\”: When you feel angry (or have other negative emotions) about something your child is doing or asking for , including resentment, frustration, jealousy, disgust, panic, irritation, fear, etc.), it is best to think of it as an alarm. That alarm is not a reminder that your child must have done something wrong, but a sign that your memory floodgates have been opened again. This sentence is a reminder to all parents. Because many parents cannot tell where these emotions come from when they are angry with their children, and they mistakenly believe that they are caused by their children\’s behavior. Therefore, children will experience a lot of grievances in life, which is unfair to them. Each of our parents loves their children deeply in their hearts. Since parents love their children, they must manage their emotions well and accompany their children to grow with the true love in their hearts. 04Parents’ words and deeds are crucial. As the saying goes, parents are the mirror of their children, and children are the shadow of their parents. The best education that families can give their children is for parents to behave appropriately, be the first to set an example, and set a good example for their children. Since ancient times, good parents have valued teaching through words and deeds. In their daily lives, they pay great attention to their words and deeds to set an example for their children. There is a video online: a father and his 3-year-old daughter are reading on the steps of the square. The father said in an interview with the media: \”Under his influence, her daughter likes to read and now knows more than 500 words.\” In life, parents are a mirror for their children to learn. If they want their children to be self-disciplined, parents must first be self-disciplined and then encourage their children to be self-disciplined; if they want their children to love life, parents must first have a good attitude towards life. In short, if you want your children to become excellent, it starts with parents’ self-growth. Written at the end: Every word and deed of parents is a role model for their children. Parents who have learned to grow will definitely find that all your changes can affect their children, and ultimately make them better and better.