How to educate children? The best way is to speak well

How many children are ruined by their parents\’ inability to speak well? How many families have ended up in a tragedy because of those hurtful words. Don’t let language become a sharp weapon that stabs the people closest to you; don’t let your children endure the “verbal violence” from their parents at a young age. Don’t say these four things that hurt your children the most. Criticizing children for being stupid, \”Why are you so stupid!\” \”Is your IQ like a pig? It\’s really useless.\” \”You don\’t understand this, you are so stupid, and you don\’t look like me at all.\”… These words may be parents\’ guidance to their children. When doing homework, what I said out loud may have been blurted out the moment I saw my child’s bright red grades, or it may have been a habitual mantra. But no matter which one, it is harsh and embarrassing to the ears of children. I have seen such an experiment: A scientist puts a big fish into a pool with many small fish. Every time the big fish is hungry, it will swim up to catch the small fish, and no one can escape its capture. After a while, the scientist covered the big fish with a glass bottle and put it into the pool. At first, the small fish swam around outside the bottle, and the big fish swam up to bite it as before, but every time it hit the wall of the bottle… once, twice, three times, after constantly hitting the wall, slowly , there are fewer and fewer collisions of big fish. Later, it became completely desperate and gave up hunting small fish. Finally, when the scientists removed the bottle that trapped it, the battered fish sank to the bottom of the pond and became motionless. No matter how many small fish are around it or even swimming around its mouth, it will never open its mouth again. It was starved to death. Do you think Big Fish is stupid? Is it too easy to give up and not know how to work hard? No, it had tried hard and tried its best, but after \”hitting the wall\” again and again, it began to doubt its fishing ability. When such suspicions are verified again and again, it can only firmly believe that it is a \”stupid fish\”. Just like many children, their IQ is actually not low. Like ordinary people, there are things that can be easily understood, but there are also questions that are difficult to understand. But if parents tell their children over and over again that you are stupid, useless, and extremely stupid, he will be very sad and sad at first, and then he will work hard to prove it to his parents. But when this proof process goes wrong and parents habitually suppress their children, the children\’s self-confidence in themselves will drop. After many times, he will give up on himself and become extremely desperate. He would rather believe that he is a fool or fool, so that he will feel better when he hears criticism from his parents. \”It turns out what my parents said was true.\” Later, he really became a \”useless person.\” Don\’t inadvertently characterize your child, and don\’t become a \”mask\” that traps your child. When you blurt out criticism again and again, be careful that your child really becomes the kind of person you say. Don\’t let him start to believe that he is really stupid, stupid and useless. Threatening children to be punished, \”If you keep doing this, your parents will not want you anymore.\” \”You bastard, do you want to be beaten again?\” \”If you don\’t obey again, I will put you in a dark room.\”… Some parents advocate \”stick education.\” , even if you move nowThe phenomenon of spanking children with hands has begun to gradually decrease, but the verbal threats have never stopped. I saw such a short video on Douyin, which was taken by a mother of her child. The child was eating well, and the mother first asked the child: \”Why do you eat so much?\” When the child heard her mother ask her, she raised her head and showed a sweet smile to her mother. The mother then teased the child: \”You have eaten too much, I don\’t like you anymore, I don\’t want you anymore.\” Hearing this, the child became anxious, his expression immediately became aggrieved, tears hung in his big eyes, and he was about to cry. come out. After a while, seeing that there was no movement from my mother, I lowered my head, put down the little spoon, and said fearfully: \”Mom, I don\’t want to eat, can you please stop me.\” After saying that, he cried \”Wow\”. I don\’t know whether this mother did it intentionally or not, but it is obvious that this kind of sentence pattern of \”If you keep doing this, I won\’t want you\” and \”If you keep doing this, I will beat you\”. In essence, it is a threat from the strong to the weak. In a family, parents are always the strong ones to their children. What a child worries most is that his parents don\’t want him, and what he fears most is being beaten and scolded mercilessly. However, many parents often threaten their children with things that they are afraid of and worried about. Threatening him to achieve certain grades in studies, threatening him to do housework, threatening him to be obedient. If things go on like this, the child will feel extremely insecure, and it will also instill in the child a consciousness: only sensible and obedient children will not be punished, and only children who know how to please their parents are good children. But often, the more sensible children suffer the greatest psychological shadow and pain. Don\’t let your children grow up to become people who habitually please others and lose their true selves. Habitually perfunctory children: \”Go away, don\’t bother me.\” \”Go study quickly.\” \”I\’m very busy, you go do your own thing.\”… Irresponsible parents will always habitually perfunctory their children. I saw such a video online. The father was telling a story to the child. In less than 5 minutes, a storybook was finished, and the child was stunned for a while while listening. It seems a little funny, but in real life, such fathers are very common. I seldom accompany my children. Even if I have time, I would rather play with my mobile phone by myself and let my children play or study alone, which is called \”resting\”. Even if I occasionally take care of the children, I don\’t care. Some fathers yell at their children just to watch a football match, for fear that they will disturb their TV viewing; some mothers always urge their children to study and can\’t wait to stop for a moment, just for fear that their children will trouble her. How many parents feel that raising children is a troublesome task, that caring for children is perfunctory, reading fairy tale books to children is perfunctory, making promises to children is perfunctory, and tutoring children with homework is perfunctory. I think that the child is still young and cannot feel it, so the child can thrive if dealt with casually. But subtly, children will also learn the perfunctory attitude of their parents, never try their best in anything, and always speak in an impatient tone. A healthy and excellent child is inseparable from the careful training of his parents, and among these, the high-quality companionship of his parents is particularly important. Really, no matter how busy you are, you still have to spare some timeSpend time with your child. You can tell him stories, study with him, listen to him sing, and play games with him. Even if it is only 1 hour a week, the child will be very satisfied. I always don’t believe that my child “knows how to play all day long, can you save me some worry?” “After mom left, did you look at your phone again? You must have looked at it.” “Did you do something wrong first? Yes Isn’t it your fault?”…Many parents are accustomed to not trusting their children. There is a very popular joke on Weibo. Someone asked: What kind of gangster logic have you seen from your parents? Someone answered: If my mom grabs her phone before she goes out and I still grab her phone when she comes back, that’s it. I’ve been playing with my phone all day. If I don’t grab my phone before she goes out and I grab my phone when she comes back, that’s it. I’ll start playing with my phone as soon as she leaves. Netizens laughed when they saw it and agreed with it, saying \”One world, one mother\”. But after laughing, think about it carefully. Doesn’t this kind of “gangster logic” essentially mean that you don’t trust children? I always feel that I like children playing with mobile phones, so they play with them all the time when their parents can\’t see them. I always feel that children will not be bullied, so once there is a conflict with other children, I immediately think that my own child is the one who started it. Take action. This kind of \”disbelief\” hidden deep in the parents\’ hearts will turn into a fire, burning away the children\’s expectations of their parents and their confidence in themselves. In \”The Story of a Young Man\”, a girl \”accuses\” her father with tears in her eyes. \”My dad always only believes what he sees with his own eyes.\” \”If I pick up my phone to look up words while doing homework, my dad will think that I am playing with my phone no matter how I explain it.\” \”I also have a younger sister, She especially likes to provoke me. Every time I want to educate her, she will go to her father to complain. After my father listens, he will teach me a lesson without saying anything.\” \”Dad, can you try to believe me for once? ?\” Parents\’ long-term distrust of their children is like a thorn stuck in the throat, causing the child unbearable pain. The China Youth Research Center has conducted a survey on \”Current Situation and Expectations for Learning and Life.\” The results show that among the 10 things children like most about their parents, the number one thing is \”trust me.\” Even if sometimes they really doubt their child, parents should give him a chance to explain. It’s not just adults who need respect and understanding. Children are human beings too, and they can feel pain and find the feeling of being wronged too uncomfortable. No relationship is indestructible, not even a parent-child relationship connected by blood. Children are extremely sensitive to their parents\’ words and emotions. They will be disappointed for a long time because of a derogatory sentence from their parents, and they will be happy for a whole day because of a compliment from their parents. Don\’t let language become a knife that cuts off the parent-child relationship, don\’t let the child be quietly sad, disappointed, and desperate, and don\’t wait until the arrival is late to discover that the child\’s heart has drifted away. Speaking well is the most precious family tradition.