How to educate children who love to lie

I gave a small lecture at a work unit that day, and the next day, a mother added me on WeChat to inquire about my child. She first introduced that she was a strong mother who had been keeping an eye on her children\’s studies for 6 years. She was exhausted and her children\’s grades in elementary school were above average. As a result, after entering junior high school, their studies became worse and worse. The less motivated you are (this is inevitable, today’s article will not talk about this topic). Then she said that her child was lying more and more frequently, which made her both scared and angry. Looking at this novice who had never learned anything in education, I smiled and asked her: I just want to ask you, have you never lied since you were a child? She was vague at first, and then said that she had always been very well-behaved and obedient since she was a child. I laughed secretly in my heart. I clearly remember an article titled \”Children who lie early are smarter\”. This article also won the 2014 Third Pineapple Science Award for Psychology. Children who lie early are smarter – this is an experimental study conducted by a team. why? They believe that children generally start trying to deceive others when they are two years old, and it is not until they are seven or eight years old that they can successfully make up a perfect lie. Whether or not you need to draft a lie reflects an important part of children\’s cognitive development – the function of the control system. This system is closely related to self-decision-making and planning in adulthood. Just as everything in the world has its advantages and disadvantages, lies are also divided into three categories: third-level lies refer to deer as horses and confuse black and white; second-level lies are deliberately deceptive and conceal the facts; first-level lies are reasonable, have echoes in the ending, and have strict logic. The difficulty of making up a lie is definitely no less difficult than improvising a good novel. How to cultivate children\’s abilities and experience HD PDF This means that being an honest person certainly requires courage. But at the same time it doesn’t require much wisdom. To be a high-level liar, you not only need to suppress your urge to tell the truth, but you also have to think hard about your lies so that they are consistent. This involves the two most basic functions of the management and control system, inhibition, control and working memory. There are many institutions in the world that study children’s lies. Two Canadian scholars who specialize in children\’s lying found that as children grow older, they lie more and more often and their level of lying becomes higher and higher. Importantly, the liar children performed quite well on tests of the functioning of the control system. A good lie means that the child is developing normally and is smart, and may be able to complete studies and work on time with ease in the future. It\’s because the child has always been honest and well-behaved that he needs to be nervous. Of course, we can\’t defend children from lying based on these studies and say lying is good. We should not go to the other extreme and say that honest people have no brains and are incapable of making up lies. What I want to say is that honesty is one of the most valuable virtues! Because the older you get, the easier it becomes to lie, and to be honest, it seems that people need to weigh the pros and cons and maintain the glory of humanity. Honesty or lying is not just about morality. Nothing in the world is absolutely good or absolutely bad. We say that honesty and kindness are virtues, only in general terms. Honesty is the same as kindness. It would be foolish to ignore the situation and the object at all; kindness has no bottom line.Good, in essence, is evil. I have never been angry because my child lied. It’s not that I have low moral standards, it’s that I understand what lying is. There are infinite reasons for a person to lie, but the main reasons are as follows: 1. Fear of punishment 2. Gaining vanity 3. Striving for benefits Children generally lie inseparable from these points. The earliest lie is to do something bad. , afraid of adult punishment. Children in a generous and democratic family atmosphere will definitely lie less than children in a strict and demanding family atmosphere. Parents can\’t stand lying to their children, mainly because they are afraid that their children will grow up to become liars and will not be tolerated by society. They do it out of love for their children and long-term considerations for them. But why do I say that such parents fail in these three points? Which three points: First, you do not understand the stages of children\’s development. The second is that you fail to deeply understand human nature. The third is that you don’t understand your own growth. Take our two children as an example. Qian Xiaoneng lies more often than Qian Xiaoya, but he has lied less and less in recent years. Yes! I am very calm about my children\’s lies, because I understand children\’s growth, my own growth, and I understand human nature better. I found that when Qian Xiaoneng lied in elementary school, he did not attack him or criticize him at all. I smiled and asked him, boy, do you think it’s not worthwhile to lie? If you take the trouble to make up one lie, you have to make up 10 more lies to cover up this one lie. He knew that I had seen through the lie, so he winked and expressed embarrassment and asked me how I knew. I said don\’t be nervous. Mom also told many lies. There is no one in the world who doesn\’t lie. However, since I was a child, I have lied less and less, and now I almost never lie. He asked why. I said it was too tiring to lie, to be seen through and despised by others. I also said that people who like to lie are actually stupid because they regard others as fools. The fact is that no matter how perfect the lie is, people will see through it. I also say that the more senior people are, the more honest they are. He asked me why. I say that the more advanced a person is, the more he knows how to weigh the pros and cons. He can easily find that being honest is worry-free, and everyone likes to associate with honest people. Honest people gain more than those who lie. Every child will think about what adults say in the context of his or her own feelings. Therefore, there is no need to be nervous about a certain bad behavior of your child. First figure out why he behaves like this and understand his true intention, and the rest will be easy to handle. The process of children growing up is also a learning process, and they grow from life lessons.