How to educate children with poor self-discipline since childhood

I attended a parent-teacher meeting with my children two days ago and heard many mothers complaining about their children: homework is very difficult to do every day, and homework that can be completed in an hour is not completed until bedtime; unconsciously, they read books at one moment and want to watch TV at the next. , and for a while I was distracted to play; as soon as I studied, I had a headache, stomachache, and wanted to drink water and go to the toilet. But there are also a few mothers who secretly say with joy: Fortunately, I cultivated my children\’s self-discipline relatively early. Now we basically don\’t need to force them, and their children will learn on their own initiative. Having a self-disciplined child is the dream of many families. However, self-disciplined children are not born. The family education behind the cultivation of a self-disciplined child is crucial. So, what kind of family is more likely to raise self-disciplined children? 01 A family that is good at setting rules. A netizen shared his story on Zhihu: He said that his parents doted on him. From childhood to adulthood, no matter what kind of trouble he got into, his parents would help him out. , apologize to others. But there are always only six words for his mistake, that is, \”He is still a child.\” Because his parents were protecting him in everything, he became more and more unreasonable. How to help children develop self-discipline: self-driven growth free reading mobi+epub+azw3 In his freshman year of high school, he became addicted to the Internet and often skipped classes to play all night long. After the school visited his parents several times, he still went his own way. , so he persuaded him to retreat. Now, his life is a mess. When his parents scolded him for \”he is such an old man, but he has no self-discipline at all\”, he felt particularly resentful, hating that his parents chose to coddle him when they should have set rules and reason for him. I remember Dr. Dobson once said in \”The Courage to Discipline\”: \”If there is a railing on the edge of the cliff, then people dare to lean on the railing and look down, because they will not be afraid of falling; if there is no railing, everyone will be very close to the cliff. He stopped when he was far away, let alone stood on the edge of the cliff and looked down. The railing is the boundary. Children who know the boundaries (rules) will feel safe. On the contrary, children without boundaries will not feel safe because they do not know Where is the safe standard?\” Smart parents know how to set rules with their children and enforce them gently but firmly. After a period of time, children will develop habits and internalize \”heteronomy\” into \”self-discipline\” in their character. Especially when the kids are young. Professor Li Meijin once said: \”Educate children as early as possible. When children are under 6 years old, parents\’ words are gold. After children are 12 years old, parents\’ words are garbage.\” When children reach adolescence, we will put pressure on them and tell them to be \”conscious\”. It\’s too late. While your children are still young, you might as well try to force them. This \”force\” is not force or control, but the persistent belief that parents cultivate in their children with responsible education concepts. This belief will become the key to children\’s self-discipline. 02 Families that give children autonomy Many people believe that children with excellent academic performance are the result of strict discipline from their parents, but this is not the case. The Paper has conducted a comprehensive analysis of the 29 provincial college entrance examination top scorers across the country. When asked whether parents would interfere with your studies, 86.21% of the top picks said almost never, and 13.79% of the top picks said occasionally.Yes, select 0 for Frequently Yes. Why do they become top academics without the intervention of their parents? In psychology, there is a concept called \”translimit effect\”. It refers to the psychological phenomenon that causes extreme psychological impatience or rebelliousness due to too much stimulation, too strong stimulation, or too long an action time. The same is true for the development of self-discipline in children. The more parents interfere and force, the more passive and poor their children will be, and they may even be prone to rebellious psychology. Children who are capable of self-discipline must be children who have the right to make active choices. As Professor Li Meijin said: \”In the face of children\’s self-discipline problems, the more children under the age of 12 can bear the responsibilities of their parents, the higher the child\’s self-discipline, the stronger the child\’s self-discipline, and the greater the chance of future success.\” Increase.\” Previously, a mother made a \”Don\’t call Mom\” ​​agreement with her third-grade son: Chinese: If you don\’t know how, look it up in the dictionary and don\’t call \”Mom\”! Mathematics: Check yourself after you finish, don’t call “Mom”! English: Use new words in your own way, don’t call “Mom”! When you encounter difficulties, please try to solve them yourself as soon as possible. Don\’t just call mom without thinking. As parents, sometimes you need such a \”decision\”. You don\’t have to rush to do something for your child and obliterate his autonomy. To give children a certain amount of autonomy and believe that they have their own methods, we only need to provide corresponding guidance when necessary. The best love parents have for their children is not to protect them all their lives, but to teach them self-discipline and responsibility. Because they will grow up one day and have to face the bumps and tumbles in life alone. Families who often encourage their children like the words of the writer Yue Xiake: \”Where does a child\’s self-discipline come from? From the moment he starts to love the world, from the moment he starts to like himself, from the moment he starts to recognize the correct way to open something. He The self-discipline spontaneously arises from the bottom of my heart.\” He hit the nail on the head. A child\’s self-discipline comes from his self-esteem level. The higher the self-esteem level, the stronger his self-discipline. And if his self-esteem level is very low and he thinks that I am a puddle of mud, that I am no good and that I can\’t do anything anyway, then he has no self-discipline at all. The basis of self-discipline is the recognition of self-worth. Xie Yingping, the former principal of Fudan High School, once shared his story. \”Why do I like mathematics?\” Watch all 52 episodes of the Mavericks Rush cartoon online in high definition. When he was in middle school, he was the first in the class to solve a difficult problem assigned by the teacher. The teacher rushed over from the podium on the spot, touched his head and asked: \”Are you feeling happier now than eating a piece of candy?\” He said yes, and he fell in love with mathematics from then on. Thinking that he is good at mathematics, he pays more attention when learning mathematics. This \”attentiveness\” in turn encourages him to learn better. This is the magic of encouragement and a sense of accomplishment. Professor Li Meijin once said: \”We should learn a kind of generous education. Sometimes children fail in learning and are already very depressed. We should not attack his self-esteem anymore. We should have the courage to find other shining points of the child. Affirm him and encourage him.\” Therefore, as parents, you must not be stingy with your appreciation and praise. Don\’t worry that your praise will make your children get carried away. You must understand that everyWhen a child grows up, he is creating unlimited possibilities. For children, parents\’ encouragement and affirmation are the greatest motivation to cultivate self-confidence and develop self-discipline habits. 04 Liu Na, the author of \”Flowers Bloom in Free Time in a Family Where Parents Adhere to Self-Discipline\”, shared her parenting experience after being a mother for 11 years: \”When I am lazy and slack, my children will also be careless. When I am busy and disorderly, my children will also be careless.\” I am perfunctory. On the contrary, if I am self-disciplined and calm, my children will also be sensible and work hard.\” I deeply agree. We always ask our children to study hard, be self-disciplined and self-improvement, but we often forget that parents are the originals and children are the copies. Behind those self-disciplined children are often self-disciplined parents. Do you still remember Chen Yixian, the genius from Tsinghua University who became popular on the Internet last year? When he was in middle school, some parents in his class came to ask the class teacher, what should they do if their children like to play with mobile phones? The head teacher invited Chen Yixian\’s father to let Chen Yixian express his views. Dad Chen took out a mobile phone for the elderly from his pocket and said: \”Parents must do what they ask their children to do, otherwise it is unfair and unjust.\” Everyone was surprised at first, and then expressed sincere admiration. It\’s the 21st century, and the father and son are still using old-age phones. They can\’t play games, let alone watch TV series or short videos. It is this kind of restraint that gives Chen Yixian a good learning environment. When Chen Yixian finished his homework and took a break, Chen\’s parents and Chen\’s mother would not turn on the TV, but would choose to read a book. Under the influence of his parents, he was too embarrassed to play and read books together. Self-discipline is not something you say, but something you do. In the parent-child relationship, it is like the relationship between mirror and image. If parents know how to be self-disciplined and restrained, and have an orderly work and life, their children will understand it, learn to imitate it, and regard it as the highest standard. The self-discipline of parents leading by example is the best gift to their children, which can benefit them throughout their lives. After all, no matter how good the educational concept is, it cannot match the words \”teaching by example\”. 05 Goethe once said: \”Whoever plays games with life will accomplish nothing. Whoever cannot master himself will always be a slave.\” The degree of self-discipline determines the height of a child\’s life. Establish rules for children as early as possible and guide them to become a person with rules and bottom lines; give children the right to make independent choices and lead them to open the door of interest; encourage children to \”try it\” and let them draw conclusions from their own practice Out of true knowledge. Influence children to become self-disciplined and efficient people, and make unlimited possibilities within an effective time; this is the real education. The best gift parents can give their children is to guide them to develop the habit of self-discipline. Because self-discipline is the greatest freedom.