How to encourage children to study well

I went to my cousin\’s house a few days ago. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my nephew\’s face looking unhappy. It turned out that my nephew\’s summer homework was a mess, and he made several mistakes in math questions. As soon as he checked it, his cousin became so angry that he picked up the homework and scolded her. \”I\’m just idle all day long and don\’t study hard. No wonder I failed at the end of the semester!\” Seeing that the atmosphere was not right, the brother-in-law hurried over to act as a \”peacemaker.\” While persuading his cousin not to be so aggressive, he comforted the child: \”It\’s okay. It\’s okay. We can\’t learn.\” It doesn’t matter if you don’t do well in the general examination. When the time comes, it’s more important to study a more powerful major and learn a skill.” These words seemed to make sense, but I heard a problem. If you don’t want your child’s self-confidence to be dampened because he doesn’t do well in school or fails an exam, just tell him “it doesn’t matter.” Such expressions cannot encourage or comfort you at all. On the contrary, it will bring unexpected blows to the children because of the \”negation\” implicit behind it. If a child does not do well in the exam, blind encouragement will only make him worse. Nowadays, more and more parents know that children have sensitive and fragile personalities and should not be hit, ridiculed or blamed too much. So I used to use expressions like \”It\’s okay\” and \”It\’s okay\” to dispel the child\’s nervousness and panic, and tried to encourage the child to keep up their efforts with an indifferent attitude. But what would a child think when he hears this? In a parent class, the host asked all parents a question: \”What is your first sentence when your child fails to do well in the exam?\” There were basically two kinds of answers at the scene: one asked why he did not do well in the exam, and the other asked Zhong comforted him openly, \”It doesn\’t matter, just work hard next time.\” On the surface, it seems that the latter is more acceptable to children. In order to verify whether this is true, the host invited two parents to play the role of parent and child respectively and reproduce the problematic scene. It turned out that the parents who played the role of children did not feel relaxed when they heard the words \”It doesn\’t matter, just try harder next time\” from \”Mom\”. Instead, they felt more uncomfortable than being scolded. Only those who have experienced this kind of experience know it. Essentials for family education: How to encourage children’s progress and self-confidence, 70 episodes in total. Daniel Wegener, a social psychologist at Harvard University in the United States, conducted such an experiment. Participants were asked to try not to imagine a white bear, but without exception, everyone\’s thinking had a strong rebound, and the image of a white bear quickly emerged in their minds. This famous \”white bear effect\” also applies to education: the more you don\’t want your children to be reassured, the more your children will care. To a certain extent, this is a kind of \”negative reinforcement\” effect. People often talk about \”it doesn\’t matter\” and \”it doesn\’t matter.\” Not only does it fail to give children the correct encouragement, but it also makes them less confident as they learn and become less confident in studying and taking exams. resist. Inappropriate language expression can be far more harmful to children than expected. Although parents have good intentions, their children sound completely different. In the book \”Growing Up with Children\”, author Sheng Lin said: \”Many parents don\’t know how to channelize their children\’s emotions. In order not to put more pressure on their children, they constantly remind their children\’ Don\’t be nervous, just calm down,\’ and \’It doesn\’t matter if you can\’t get into the undergraduate program.\’ In fact, this is a feeling of anxiety in itself.\” A boy in Guangxi previously \”failed\” in his final exam. Although my parents keep saying \”It\’s okay, I don\’t blame you.\” But he still couldn\’t bear it, so he took 2,400 yuan in cash and ran away from home. Coincidentally, a female junior high school student in Guangdong failed in the exam and fell into the top ten. As a result, she heard her mother and grandma comforting herself \” \”Do better next time, it doesn\’t matter this time\”, he was so angry that he tore up the English book and broke down emotionally. I believe that the original intention expressed by the parents was good, but under the intense study pressure, these words would only be interpreted by the children as : \”My parents said this. It seems that they no longer think highly of me and have no confidence in me…\” \”They don\’t understand me at all, and they don\’t care about me. They can\’t see how much I care about my sadness. \”I have difficulty studying, but they only care about whether I do well in the exam and never want to give me support or help.\” \”Don\’t blame your children for thinking too much. It\’s easy to misinterpret the meaning of their parents\’ words. The more demanding they are on themselves and the children who are stressed out by studying, the less likely they are to listen to these insignificant and comforting words. Obviously exams and study are particularly important at this stage. He tried every means to devote himself to the task, forcing himself to answer questions and write wrong questions like others. As a result, his parents said a light \”It doesn\’t matter\” and instantly wiped out his efforts. No matter how hard he tried or how tactful his words were, the child heard All of them are parents’ denial of themselves, which breeds a stronger sense of frustration. What drives children to progress is their bottom-level feelings and inner drive. The famous host Li Xiaomeng shared a story about a mother and child in the best-selling book \”Hello, Child\” Story. Before her son was 18 years old, the mother had always lived in her hometown. Even though the family was in financial difficulty, she did not abandon her son and go out to work. Instead, she accompanied her son to college. She took good care of his daily life and often She paid attention to the changes in her son\’s mentality. On the eve of the college entrance examination, her son was irritable and couldn\’t calm down to study. What he was reading was not in his mind, so he tied his legs to the legs of the table and forced himself to read. When she came back to take a look, she understood that her son was doing this She was busy trying to enlighten her son and persuade him not to do such stupid things. Every time her son sang, even if it was out of tune, she would not allow others to tell her, in order to let her son relieve his stress. For eighteen years, this mother has been Stay with her son and \”take care of the child\’s emotions\”. Make her son laugh, let him vent his emotions, let him relieve stress, and never say any depressing words like \”Mom will rely on you from now on\”. It is she who always pays attention to her son My inner feeling was that my son was getting better and better before the college entrance examination. Later, he not only went to college, but also went to graduate school and stayed as a teacher in a university in a first-tier city. The most important thing for parents to educate and train their children is not to rely on the output and instructions of external forces. Where should the child go and what should be done. On the contrary, if you want to pull the child out of frustration, you must give him enough gentleness and respect, see his needs, and satisfy him. Only then can the child awaken the inner motivation to manage himself, Control your own life and study. A truly good education is always full of positive power. Parents\’ practical attention, consideration, and correct encouragement and guidance are the \”magic hands\” that help children cut through the clouds and see the bright moon. Let him be willing to overcome obstacles and difficulties, and actively explore the way to growth and progress. If you want \”encouragement\” to have a real effect, this is the best way for children to be when theyWhen you encounter difficulties in learning or encounter other frustrating events, it is a good time for education. At this time, parents should not be indifferent or take their children seriously, but should stand firmly by their children\’s side and support and guide them with the right encouragement. 1. Inspire children to vent their emotions reasonably. Many children reach a certain age and are not good at actively expressing their inner negative emotions. At this time, parents should not rush to express their opinions, and take the initiative to give their children the opportunity to \”speak\” and \”voice\”. For example, at the appropriate time, communicate with the child alone and care about the child\’s mood and feelings. If the child is not used to expressing, parents can try to speak out and share their feelings when they fail from the child\’s perspective, so that the child realizes: \”I am not ashamed, I have the right to fail.\” When the child can listen, he or she is willing to express. , is to give him an outlet for his emotions and face his own feelings. 2. Blurring the child’s “failure events”. After easing the child\’s emotions, if you want to comfort the child emotionally, you can describe \”failure in the exam\” or other failure events in a general context. For example: \”It\’s normal to fail a test, and it happens to everyone.\” \”It\’s not a big deal, it\’s just a failure.\” Do not overemphasize the specific incident of the child\’s failure, and let the child simply understand it as a \”failure\” , children can accept it more calmly. 3. Focus on cause analysis and affirm the child\’s growth. For children to return to a rational state from emotional scenes, what they need most is to know where their problems lie and how to solve and avoid them next. At this time, parents should let go of their judgment and maintain an objective and mature attitude to analyze the reasons with their children. When your child gradually realizes his own problems and areas that can be improved, don’t forget to praise your child by saying, “You see problems differently now than before. You have really made progress/grow.” Many times, children need \”coaching parents\” to provide them with tips and direction. Only when parents teach and demonstrate step by step can children have greater confidence that they can do it and can successfully overcome the same problem next time. Teacher Yin Jianli said: \”Everything in life must be done in a proper way to produce good results.\” Children have to experience far more things in their growth than parents imagine. If they don\’t feel and learn with heart, they will miss the best \”protection\” period\”, it will be difficult to expect him to grow positively in the future. Loving your children in the right way is the greatest consciousness of every parent. I hope that we can all take our children\’s affairs into consideration, earnestly fulfill our responsibilities as parents, and provide our children with help when they need them and direction when they are confused. When he grows up, he will be able to move forward confidently and unswervingly no matter what he encounters.