How to enhance children’s motivation to learn

Alex\’s school had a Thanksgiving holiday, and the school\’s Boy Scouts organized them to go camping in the countryside. My son, who was looking forward to the night camp and mountain climbing, packed his bags early last night, but when it was time to set out in the morning, he locked himself in the room and refused to come out no matter how much his dad and I urged him. The mother of a beautiful Peking University academic who costs 199 yuan: How to cultivate students’ learning ability. After the father and son communicated for more than ten minutes, we found out that he peed on his uniform pants in the morning. He was afraid that his father and I would find out and say something about him, so we didn’t Be willing to come out. Although he finally caught the Scout bus, it still delayed the entire group, and his father was extremely angry about it. It would be better if he peed his pants and changed his pants. Why was his anxiety about being laughed at outweighed the consequences of being late? We are already in sixth grade, do we still have to worry about such trivial matters? Alex’s father told me that he felt powerless in trying his best but not knowing how we should raise our son. Whether it is Alex\’s lack of self-control when using electronic products, his lack of time management when doing homework and participating in various activities, or his lack of self-motivation for the future, we have not found an effective method on how to effectively help him. My colleague Lao Lao is also worried about raising his son. He complained to me yesterday that his 11-year-old son went to take the electronic drum level 8 exam but forgot to bring the music score. His wife had to take leave from the company and go home to help her son pick up the music and send it to him… A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me to give her a suggestion. She doesn\’t know whether her daughter, who is already studying in the United States as an undergraduate, should return to China to find a job or stay in the United States to continue her graduate studies. \”What are you worried about? Shouldn\’t this be a question that your daughter should think about on her own?\” I asked her. \”How can I not worry about such an important decision? What if she makes the wrong choice! It\’s hard for overseas returnees to find a job recently.\” She was very anxious. Most parents born in the 1970s and 1980s are not well educated, and their family and economic conditions are not very good. They rely on free-range children, but free-range children have also produced many outstanding talents, and now they are causing problems in various fields at home and abroad. Beam. Why are those born in the 1970s and 1980s who are highly educated and have better economic conditions so entangled, anxious and out of control when raising their own children? Clinical neuropsychologist William Stixrud, two authors of the American best-selling book \”The Self-driven Child\”, and Ned Johnson, founder of the after-school tutoring agency Prep Matters, believe that our generation of unprecedentedly anxious parents is raising a new generation of confusion and anxiety. More and more \”tiger mothers\”, \”helicopter\” parents and \”lawnmower\” parents are exercising control according to their own intentions (for the good of their children), raising children who are unplanned, lack goals and direction, The younger generation lacks self-control and \”internal drive\”. The key to solving this problem should be for parents to stop interfering and give their children more freedom of choice and decision-making. Be your child\’s \”consultant\”, not your \”boss\” Dr. William Stixrud believes that children can only succeed when they feel they can take charge of their lives and get the direction they want.Really produce \”autonomy\”. For the past thirty years, he has provided family counseling to a diverse group of American parents and children. Many parents complained to him: \”I hate the time after dinner at home, because it is simply World War III.\” The fuse of the war is often because of children\’s school homework, and meaningless quarrels pit children and parents against each other. He often advises parents to change the phrase: \”How can I help you?\” Parents should stop being their children\’s \”boss\” or \”manager\” and try the role of \”advisor.\” Parents should respect their children, give them more autonomy, and let them realize that this is their own homework and they should complete it, and their parents will only help. \”Letting go\” can be very difficult for many anxious parents. They feel that the world is more dangerous than ever, so the child must be constantly supervised to ensure that he does not get hurt or make wrong decisions. They worry about their children\’s academic performance in school, whether their children can be admitted to elite universities, and whether their children can find a good job. They misunderstand that the path to success is too narrow, as if children will be wiped out if they deviate slightly from expectations. In fact, this is not the case. Dr. William Stixrud said that various studies have shown that a child\’s college attendance is not \”linked\” to future financial or professional success, or even to whether a child will be satisfied and happy later in life. He believes that the idea that parents will have a future at any cost for their children to attend the most elite colleges is wrong. The reality is that we cannot \”force children to become successful\”. We can only gradually cultivate children\’s initiative and choose the direction of hard study based on their interests. Stixrud did a lot of research when his own children were in elementary school: there was almost no correlation between school performance and later success. He said to the child: \”I am happy to see your transcript, but I don\’t value it. I value your efforts to develop yourself – to become a student, and more importantly, to work hard to grow and expand the boundaries of your life. If you If you want to be an athlete or a musician, or something else that you think is important, then I will pay more attention to these ideals of yours, because this is the motivation for your spontaneous efforts, and it will make you successful, and school grades alone cannot achieve that.\” When Stixrud\’s daughter was in high school, he once said to her, if you get a C in school, I will give you a reward of one hundred dollars. Stixrud said this is to teach children that there are many ways to succeed and that temporary setbacks are okay. Later, Stixrud\’s daughter received a PhD in economics from a prestigious university. Similarly, Stixrud\’s son\’s grades in elementary school were not satisfactory and he even had difficulty graduating. Stixrud encouraged him in the same way. He never supervises his schoolwork. When his son fails to do well, he just gives some advice and help, and the child usually accepts it. He believes that children should be inspired on how to learn, eliminate social media and computer games, make full use of time at home, and obtain knowledge from multiple channels. The son later earned a doctorate in psychology. Stixrud mentioned that a researcher who specializes in the motivation of teenagers to learn and focusThe research conclusion of the scientist Reed Larson is that if children invest in things they like, they will develop their brain power, improve concentration, energy, motivation and be stress-free. Therefore, by giving children autonomy, allowing them to find the majors they are interested in and the direction of their hard work, and creating a pleasant learning environment for them, you can raise a happy child. Stixrud noted: \”Research on motivation shows that a strong sense of autonomy is key to developing healthy self-motivation that enables children and adolescents to pursue their goals enthusiastically and enjoy their achievements. However, in the cases we tested \”What we see in many of the kids we tutor or tutor is a pattern of motivation, one extreme of motivation, a dogged pursuit of success, and another extreme of utilitarianism that has no value in working hard.\” Johnson argue that, in addition to adverse physical and emotional consequences (more stress, anxiety, and depression), trying to control children does have a negative impact on their initiative. According to the widely recognized self-determination theory in psychology, human beings have three basic needs: awareness of autonomy, awareness of competence and affinity. It can be said that \”autonomous consciousness\” is an instinct deeply embedded in our bodies, just like hunger or thirst. When we lack this basic need, our motivation decreases, or we go from being driven to being fear-based, both of which are very unhealthy. You cannot be a self-disciplined person if you do not feel that your life is your own. Part of the reason why there are so many geeks and otakus nowadays is that young people don’t have the drive to be independent like they used to. They want to sit at home and play with their mobile phones, and are unwilling to work, fall in love, or get married. They are used to other people taking charge of their lives and have no goals or direction. \”We really shouldn\’t control children – it shouldn\’t be our goal to do so. Our role is to teach them to think and act independently so that they have the judgment that matters most in school and in life. Rather than forcing them to do what they do Instead of resisting things, it is better to help them find things they like and develop inner motivation.\” Give \”control\” back to children. We often think that Puwa and Zhawa lack obvious \”self-drive\”, so they can\’t handle themselves, but In their research, Stixrud and Johnson found that even high-performing children lacked real motivation to learn. Many people complain that they have no control over their lives. Some people stumble through high school and end up attending a well-known college and then dropping out or graduating from a good college and not finding their direction in life. The Palo Alto School District in the United States is one of the top school districts in Silicon Valley, ranking among the top three in Silicon Valley for niche high schools. The two public high schools here, Palo Alto High School and Gunn High School, are nationally renowned. Especially in terms of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) rankings, Gunn High School ranks among the top ten in the United States, with more than 30 graduates admitted to Stanford every year. Many parents spend millions of dollars to buy houses in expensive school districts near schools. Their ambitions areBobo wants to send his child to an Ivy League school, Stanford or MIT. Under the leadership of schools and parents, the air throughout the Palo Alto School District is filled with the anxiety of \”getting famous early.\” If you fail to get into a prestigious school, you will be labeled a \”loser.\” While their peers are still playing teenage rebellion against their parents, the top school districts in Silicon Valley are filled with kids who work hard to excel in various subjects and extracurricular activities but never live up to their parents\’ expectations. Many students are not filled with inner motivation, but with inescapable anxiety, powerlessness and frustration, which leads to despair. They are under pressure that is far beyond their age, but they have no way to take back their \”control\” from their parents. In the past ten years, the suicide rate in the Palo Alto School District has been far higher than the national level in the United States, four to five times the latter, and there have been constant reports of suicide clusters among high school students. A suicide cluster refers to more than three suicides occurring within a short period of time. In 2009-2010, five high school students in the Palo Alto School District committed suicide in a seven-month period. The school district has done a lot of work to prevent suicides, but another cluster of high school student suicides occurred in 2014-2015. Why do so many outstanding students end up in ruins? Stixrud believes that when children feel powerless and overwhelmed, they will become passive or give up… When they are deprived of the ability to make meaningful choices, they are most likely to become anxious, overwhelmed, and full of anger. Have to self-destruct. Although their parents provide them with abundant resources and opportunities, they fail to thrive because they lack a sense of control over themselves. Academic pressure may not be the only reason why these high school students commit suicide, but academic pressure may be the last straw that breaks their already fragile nerves. Chronic stress can wreak havoc on the brain, especially young brains. It\’s like trying to grow a large plant in a small pot. The pressure of the small space will weaken the plant\’s growth and have harmful consequences. Researchers in the US frantically searching for the reasons for the continued rise in anxiety, eating disorders, depression, overeating and worrying self-harm among this generation of young people have found that the risks are particularly high among children and teenagers from wealthy families. A recent survey showed that 80% of Silicon Valley high school students have moderate to severe anxiety and depression. Why is a sense of control over oneself associated with anxiety, depression and suicide, Stixrud said. The answer is: everything! Because a sense of control is the antidote to stress. From a neurological perspective, when we have a healthy sense of control, our prefrontal cortex (the executive functioning part of the brain) modulates the amygdala (part of the brain\’s threat detection system), triggering the fight or flight response. When the prefrontal cortex is in charge, the brain is in a healthy state and we have a sense of control rather than anxiety. When children feel anxious, their amygdala is more active, suggesting they are more likely to feel overwhelmed and trappedOr helpless. Children today sleep less than they did just a few years ago. 15% of teenagers over the age of 15 in the United States sleep less than 7 hours a night, and the average teenager needs 9¼ hours of sleep to not feel tired. When we are sleep-deprived, the connection between the prefrontal cortex and amygdala weakens, resulting in the former being less able to regulate the latter. When children are tired, they always feel less in control because they are more susceptible to stress, have reduced coping skills, and are more likely to feel frustrated and depressed. Technology is everywhere and more and more kids are suffering from social media addiction. A recent article by Twenge actually suggested that smartphones and social media may have had a huge impact on the dramatic increase in teen mental health issues since 2012. Studies have found that at least 10% of boys are addicted to playing video games. Addicted children often tell themselves: \”I know I shouldn\’t do this, but I can\’t stop.\” This clearly shows that they lack a sense of self-\”control.\” Sonia Lupien of the Center for the Study of Human Stress has a handy acronym for the things that make life stressful—N.U.T.S. Novelty: something that has never been experienced before; Unpredictability: the inability to predict that something will happen; influence on the self Threat: A person\’s safety or competence is called into question; Control: A feeling that one has little control over the situation. We all like to feel that we are in control of our own destiny. An early study of stress in rats found that when the rat turned a wheel to prevent it from receiving an electric shock, it happily turned the wheel without much stress in the brain. But if we take the wheels away, the mice will be under tremendous stress. When the wheel was returned to the cage, the rats\’ stress levels were much lower, even though the wheel was no longer physically attached to the vibration device. Our children also want to be in control of their own destiny. That’s why a two-year-old will say “I’m going to do it myself!” and a four-year-old will insist “You’re not my boss!” That’s why we should hold children accountable for what they do. Even if they are late, it will take them twice as long. That\’s why the surest way to get your picky five-year-old to eat vegetables is to split the plate in half and let him choose which half to eat. Many parents will tell their children that they should be responsible for their own learning and life and manage themselves well. But then begins micromanaging their homework, extracurricular activities, and what friends they should have. \”You have to be obedient!\” \”You should…\” \”Why do you always keep things going in one ear and out the other?\” Over time, children will find that they are not the ones in charge of their own study and life, the Boss is the parent. A lack of \”sense of control\” and a feeling of powerlessness can be frustrating and cause stress, which will not only damage the parent-child relationship, but also endanger their future mental health. Over the past sixty years, study after study has found that giving children an appropriate sense of control is tied to all the positive things we want to bring to our children’s lives. Children who feel \”in control\” have more positive emotions, greater internal motivation and controlbehavioral abilities that can improve their academic performance and career success. Like exercise and sleep, a sense of control seems to be good for almost everything, presumably because it represents a deep human need. As adults, a parent’s role should not be to force children to follow the route we have designed for them, but rather to help them develop the skills to find their own way, develop healthy thinking habits and lifestyles, and cope when things don’t go as planned Make independent course corrections and become the “controller” of your own destiny. In addition, parents should not let their children have a wrong understanding of success, thinking that \”going to a good university = success, not going to a good university = failure.\” This will make children with poor grades make conclusions at a young age: themselves You won’t succeed in this life, so why try? These young people often get caught up in a frustrating self-talk: “I have to do it, but I can’t,” or “I have to do it, but I really hate it.” Stixrud said he keeps asking the school’s Faculty, why don\’t you tell students the truth about college – which college they go to really doesn\’t make that big of a difference in their lives. They would cower and reply: \”No one would believe us if we told them.\” One staff member confessed to him: \”We would get angry calls from parents who were convinced that if their children knew the truth, they would not be taken seriously in school. If you go to school, you\’ll live a second-rate life.\” Many adults worry that if children learn that school grades are not highly predictive of success in life, they will lose motivation and ambition. But the opposite is true. As a psychologist, Stixrud has seen countless children over the past 32 years. As long as he tells them the truth, gives them the right idols in the real world, and tells them the benefits of being a good student, he can improve their flexibility and push them forward. . Doing so allows ambitious kids to focus on self-motivation and the belief that they can make a significant contribution, rather than success for the sake of success. The right idols in the real world can also inspire children with poor grades to try more possibilities. Even if their grades are not top-notch, they can also be inspired to continue learning and grow themselves. We need to realize that most children are not cow babies. When children can carve out a future that is consistent with their self-worth, and no longer have to do things that meet the expectations of their parents and teachers, they will have more energy to accomplish anything. We should not motivate children with fear, but rather help them progress and embrace what they love. As Einstein said: \”Don\’t ask a fish to climb a tree!\”