How to establish a good parent-child relationship

Today\’s parents often have a misunderstanding, that is, they pay too much attention to their children\’s education but forget to maintain a good relationship with their children. In fact, education based on maintaining good relationships is meaningful and effective. I advocate that \”relationship is greater than education, and relationship comes before education.\” If a child is found to have problems, improve the parent-child relationship first. Improving the relationship is not to please the child or blindly identify with him, but to separate the problems that the child needs to solve from the intimate relationship between parents and children. For example, learning and intimacy are two different things. Don\’t say \”If you don\’t study hard, you are not my son.\” \”. You know, many of the problems children have are expressions of anger toward their parents. The child is dissatisfied with the close relationship between his parents and himself, so he will rebel. For example, if his parents ask him to study hard, the more he talks about it, the less he will read. Only by forming a mutually trusting and empathic relationship with their children can parents\’ guidance be successfully realized. The close relationship between parent and child is a hidden chain of information, latent but important. Don\’t care too much about the rights and wrongs of details. Many parents strongly want their children to be like \”good kids\”, but in fact, blindly following the example method will cause a lot of trouble. There is no absolute right or wrong in many concepts in life details. Don\’t instill in your children the concept that only one thing in the world is right and everything else is wrong when they are very young. Otherwise, the children will grow up. It will be very painful later. He will cause trouble for himself, and even have trouble with society psychologically, because he rigidly believes that only one thing is correct in his brain. He will not respect minorities and disadvantaged cultures, and will be very panicked once he becomes a minority. Top 10 bestsellers Li Zhongying\’s Comprehensive Tips on Parent-Child Relationship e-book Culture is very powerful in building people\’s hearts. Parents should guide their children not to care too strongly about right and wrong in details, because right and wrong are often relative. Parents should not always analyze what their children do in terms of right or wrong. A child’s age and mind have their own age-specific characteristics. Don’t overemphasize consistency, don’t rigidly compare with other children, but encourage your child to become the kind of person he hopes to be – “Although it is different from the top scorer in the college entrance examination, But mom thinks you are also cute.\” This is laying a good psychological foundation for the child. Abstract principles are a powerful pressure on children. Parents\’ education of their children does not depend on whether the content is right or wrong, but whether the educational methods are correct and whether the educational behavior is effective for the children. Some parents educate their children flawlessly and logically, but their children just don\’t buy it; some parents don\’t make any sense to their children, or even make no sense at all, but their children believe them. The key is whether parents should put \”effectiveness\” first or \”correctness\” first; whether they should put \”emotion\” first or \”reason\” first. The family is a place where \”emotion\” should be emphasized rather than \”reason\”, especially for the education of children who are in the rebellious period of youth. I advocate not educating children with very correct principles. These abstract things are often very absolute. Psychology considers them to be a powerful influence on children.pressure. Adults are far more relaxed than children in judging whether details of life events are right or wrong, because we first judge whether they are valid or invalid. Education must also pursue \”effectiveness\” rather than one-sided pursuit of \”big principles.\” Children often fail to achieve the so-called \”big principles\” because there are many uncontrollable factors in real life. Those seemingly silly mistakes are resources for children\’s growth that allow children to make mistakes at every age. This is what I slowly concluded in clinical practice. The consequences of making such mistakes are often good. Those seemingly silly mistakes are resources for your child\’s growth, not obstacles. It will only become a barrier if your parents think it is a barrier, because your way of communicating, your words, can really turn it into a big barrier. When parents worry and fear that their children will make mistakes, they are actually frightened by their own imaginations. Pain is important. If a child has not experienced pain, he will definitely be defeated by it. Only by experiencing it can he learn to manage and release emotions. Parents\’ overprotective tendencies and tendency to take responsibility after making mistakes are not only ineffective, but will make the problem more complicated. It is impossible for a child to be an obedient child from birth. If he has not tried many experiences when he grows up, has not made some mistakes that he should make, and has not experienced setbacks, such a child is actually incapable. Children know that their parents are right, but they unconsciously do things that seem a little wrong. Why is this? Because the child needs these things for his growth, these things are like nutrients to him. For example, if a teacher punishes a child for doing something, the child will be deeply impressed. They will know that there is an order behind the matter, and they must abide by the rules of the game. If they do not comply, they will be punished. This experience is very important. The child\’s silence is not confrontation. In fact, it is more about parents expressing their attitude. If this attitude is clear and concise, such as \”I don\’t think you should do this,\” it will cause conflicts. Therefore, parents must not force their children. If you always need your children to say \”yes\”, you are a bit too dependent on your children, which means that parents hope to obtain a large part of their inner security, stability, and harmony from their children\’s attitudes. It should be said that such parents lack some psychological abilities. In fact, quarrels in the family always occur when both parties do not admit defeat. As long as one person admits defeat, the quarrel will not continue. For example, in a fight, two people have to fight. In chess, the more exciting and devoted the two people are, the more intense the fight will be. If one party stops playing, the other party will not be able to fight no matter how much they want to fight. The same is true in families. One party must be silent to end conflicts. The child is not in a position of authority. If parents are advised to be silent, the child\’s position will seem too high, so it is recommended that the child be silent. Silence is an attitude, such as \”I don\’t want to play this game anymore, this is the end of today\’s argument.\” Parents should also understand this meaning: if their children no longer want to discuss things, they just want to listen and that’s it, then they must learn to keep their mouths shut. If parents think their children\’s silence is confrontation and become angry, that\’s their problem. Parents need to get results immediately, which represents an immature psychology. For example, heThey consider themselves to be particularly authoritative and should not be offended. So I want to say that a good relationship is one of relative freedom, harmony, and mutual respect. Parents rely more on guidance in the process of educating their children. The key to guidance is to give children space to choose, but at the same time, they must understand that they must bear corresponding responsibilities for their own choices.