How to get along with adolescent children

If you have an adolescent child at home, how should you get along with him? This is a problem that worries many parents. Some time ago, I received a private message from the mother of a 14-year-old boy. After a child enters adolescence, he seems to be a completely different person. He is irritable when talking, impatient in answering, loses his temper at every turn, and likes to confront his parents in everything. In the second semester of the second grade of junior high school, things got even worse. When I was unhappy, I wouldn\’t say a word to my parents for several days. During the mid-term exam that just passed, her child\’s grades dropped severely. After communicating with the teacher, she found that her child was sleeping in class and not listening to lectures, and was not completing homework well. What made her even more alarmed was that her child seemed to have a tendency to fall in love early. Nowadays, there are so many children who are depressed and go to extremes. Their parents are afraid that their children will not be able to think about it, so they take good care of their children\’s emotions and follow them in everything. They dare not hit or scold them, but their children have no sense of gratitude and feel that everything is wrong. It\’s a matter of course. The mother was very distressed and didn\’t know what to do. Adolescent children are difficult to manage! When the child reaches about ten years old, parents will already have obvious feelings. Adolescent children are extremely self-aware. They always feel that they are adults, want to make their own decisions in everything, and begin to resist their parents\’ opinions. They become more curious about the world, start to pay attention to things other than studying, and hope to behave like adults. However, because the ability to distinguish and self-control is not strong, it is easy for behavioral deviations and cognitive errors to occur, such as smoking and drinking, skipping school and playing games, and even fighting and having puppy love. Children at this stage are controlled by hormones and are emotionally unstable, irritable, and at the same time very sensitive. They are impulsive and can easily do inappropriate things. How to discipline adolescent children is a difficult problem for parents. When it comes to dealing with adolescent children, most families will adopt two very extreme methods. Although they seem to be effective, they actually have big problems. The first type: Adolescent children must be strictly controlled. \”Once children reach adolescence, they tend to learn bad things.\” This is the impression many people have on adolescent children. Adolescence happens to be a critical period for entering higher education, so parents cannot tolerate their children making a little mistake. Therefore, many parents’ attitude towards adolescent children is that they must be strictly managed! The time to go to and from school is very tight every day, especially after school time. When I come back a little late, I will ask questions; I check my mobile phone and look through my diary for fear that my child will go to bad websites and develop puppy love; I will remove the lock on my child\’s door. , install surveillance cameras in the room, keep an eye on the children while they are studying, and do not allow the children to be distracted for a minute; if the children make mistakes, they will scold, yell, or even beat them violently, believing that force can deter children from rebelliousness. Parents think that as long as I control them strictly, their children\’s adolescence will not go wrong, and they don\’t dare to make mistakes! However, what I never expected was that the children raised by this education model would be more indifferent and rebellious. Children in this period pursue understanding and care, and they need their parents\’ love even more. However, their parents\’ cold attitude and disrespect for them will make children lose their inner sense of security and feel discouraged. Some children will turn their parents\’ strictness into violent personality, seek psychological balance by bullying others outside, and develop violent tendencies; some children will turn their parents\’ strictness into violence.Strictly mistaking it for the fact that your parents hate you, self-loathing, and getting further and further away from your parents. They are eager to prove their independent personality and may even deliberately oppose their parents and become more rebellious. Under the high pressure of their parents, children with soft personalities have to compromise. Their self-awareness cannot be released and they can only painfully suppress themselves. Children with tough personalities will choose to go against their parents, causing chaos in the family. I once saw this sentence: \”There is a war between adolescent children and their parents. If the children win, it will be a comedy, and if the parents win, it will be a tragedy.\” For adolescent children, the stricter the parents, the more injured the children will be. The second type: \”Parents in adolescence are the humblest.\” \”Parents in adolescence are the humblest.\” If you are tough, you can be soft. How can your children still be disobedient? As a result, a strange phenomenon occurs in many adolescent families. Parents obey their children\’s orders. They put their own identities in a very humble position and coax their children all the time for fear that their children will be unhappy. These parents believe that as long as I can meet all their children\’s requirements, their children will be happy. There will be no reason to be rebellious, there will be no depression, and you will be obedient and learn. If you think so, you are wrong again. What adolescent children are best at is \”bullying the weak and fearing the strong\”. Every negotiation between them and their parents is a test. When they find that it is easy to succeed, they will become more aggressive later on. The humbleness of parents cannot buy their children\’s respect, caring, understanding and well-behavedness. Instead, it will make their children more self-righteous and arrogant. The humbleness of parents will lead to arrogant personalities and emotions in children. They are used to their parents\’ compromises and mistakenly believe that everyone will pamper them. It is also easy for them to behave arrogantly outside. Their character is arrogant, domineering and unreasonable, and they are self-centered in everything. On the surface, humble parents have brought about a peaceful adolescence, but in fact, there is an undercurrent. The humbler the parents, the more rebellious the children. Adolescence is a game period between parents and children. At this time, being too strict or too arrogant will cause the child\’s values ​​to deviate, or even become distorted. 1. Understand children. What adolescent children need most is for their parents to understand them. When they lose their temper, they hope to receive comfort, care and help from their parents instead of being scolded and labeled as ignorant; when they fail in exams, they hope that their parents can help them quickly get out of their depression and collapse. , reinvigorate instead of questioning; when they are tired from studying, children also want to rest and relax; when they are with classmates and teachers, they also have social troubles; when they are emotional, they also hope that their parents can understand and even tell them How they should do it. Understanding children and reading them is the first step to go through adolescence smoothly. 2. There is a method in hand. The writer Mai Jia once said: \”Adolescence is a kind of danger. It can go to heaven or to the earth, it can be a knife or a flower. As elders, we have only one choice, which is to help The child becomes a flower, smoothing out the sharp spots and helping them get through the most unstable and time bomb stage.\” The scary thing is not adolescence, but that parents have no method and can only act recklessly. A healthy family relationship should be one of equality of status, respect for each other, neither inferiority nor inferiority.Kang, during this period, it is extremely important for parents to grasp the scale of getting along with their children. If you don’t know how to deal with your relationship with adolescent children or how to deal with various sudden problems, I suggest you read this \”Encyclopedia of Puberty\” – \”Decoding Puberty Free Full Text Reading pdf+epub+azw3\” What physical and psychological changes will occur in adolescent children; what problems and confusions children will encounter; what will cause children to be confused about their growth… This set of books has a detailed introduction. Parents who read this set of books can learn more about their child, understand what he thinks, and understand his behavior. When the child has problems, he can remain objective and rational, provide effective suggestions for the child, and help the child get through the confused adolescence smoothly. Children can read this set of books by themselves, open their minds, understand why they experience physical and psychological changes, and why their emotions fluctuate. At the same time, some unspeakable little things and secrets can all find resonance in this book. and answers. It covers everything from physical growth to psychological analysis, from inner cultivation to self-defense. It not only allows parents to understand their children, but also allows children to better understand themselves. It can be said to be an \”encyclopedia\” on the road to growth. Adolescence is a critical period in life. With the guidance of wise parents, children will no longer be at a loss. It is recommended that parents and children read this set of books repeatedly to get through this restless period together.