How to guide children through adolescence

A few days ago, a parent left a message in the background: \”This year, my child seemed to be a different person as soon as he entered the second grade of junior high school. He couldn\’t be energetic in studying, his test scores were particularly poor, and he was very disobedient. I just said a few words to him, and he He just had a cold war with me, and I really didn’t know how to take care of him.” From a practical point of view, this situation is not an isolated case, but a common phenomenon among adolescent children. At this time, children are experiencing tremendous physical and mental changes, facing countless academic, growth, and family pressures, and are extremely vulnerable and sensitive. Among them, it is especially obvious among students in the second grade of junior high school, so it is called the \”second grade phenomenon.\” If these problems cannot be solved in time, they can easily cause psychological problems in children and even lead to tragedies. 01All educational methods will be ineffective when reaching adolescence. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scan PDF version download. Child psychologist Winnicott once described adolescent children like this: \”I planted a little baby, but I harvested a bomb.\” Adolescent children are like A gunpowder bag will explode if you are not careful, hurting others and yourself. In the TV series \”The Big Exam\”, there is a plot like this: His son Wu Jiajun likes animation and two-dimensional animation. His dream has always been to take the art exam and enter the animation academy. But her mother, Dong Bihua, firmly disagreed. She resigned from her job and watched her son study at home. She even removed the lock on the door of her son\’s room just to monitor his condition at any time. Once, Dong Bihua fell asleep while studying with her son, and her son secretly drew his own entry. Unexpectedly, she woke up and caught him. She was furious, and even though her son begged her in every possible way, she still did not hesitate to destroy the entry that had taken her son several months of hard work. Facing the destroyed paintings, the son couldn\’t bear it and finally broke out, shouting at his mother: \”Are you sick?\” \”You are so vicious, you are not even as good as your stepmother!\” \”I will do far better in the exam in the future. Yes, I will never see you again, I want to leave this home!\” Dong Bihua was furious and slapped her son hard in the face. Not to be outdone, Wu Jiajun ran away from home in anger. This plot looks so familiar. Isn’t it exactly the scene that happens constantly between many parents and children in life? In order to let their children study well and follow the \”right path\”, parents rack their brains. Some remove the door to their children\’s bedrooms or install surveillance cameras at home to observe their children\’s movements anytime and anywhere; some secretly read through their children\’s diaries and check chat records on their mobile phones to look for \”signs\” of something wrong and eliminate all unfavorable factors. Die in the bud; some use crazy words to try to make their children \”change their minds\” and embark on the \”bright road\” they envisioned under the painstaking persuasion… However, the trigger that brings the parent-child relationship to a freezing point is exactly It’s what these parents think they are doing, “I’m doing this for your own good.” This kind of unequal communication will only lead to two results: parents complain that their children do not listen to discipline, and children are fed up with parents who control too much. Just like two magnets facing each other with the same poles, if no one gives in, they will only repel each other and both sides will suffer. American clinical psychologist Lawrence Cohen said: \”Adolescence will end. If you have a close relationship with your child, the child will come back to you as an adult.side, and you will have a great influence on him. However, if you always criticize him, refute him, and demand him, the parent-child relationship will be damaged. When he grows up, it will be difficult for you to have any influence on him. \”Parents must realize that when it comes to adolescent children, the inherent educational philosophy is inappropriate. At this stage, they are eager to get rid of their parents\’ control, show their own personality, pay attention to their privacy, and become easy to Angry and emotional, it is easy to go to extremes. What parents need to do at this time is not to hold them firmly in their own hands, but to fully understand their changes and give them a space to grow so that they can survive this situation smoothly. It’s a dangerous period. 02 Adolescent children need their parents more than we think. Jin Xing once said on the show: “What are adolescent children? Adolescence is when you know you are still a child but still think of yourself as an adult. But parents must not expose him. Parents must learn to carefully wrap a film around him with love. Wait for him to grow slowly, wait for him to slowly pierce that membrane. When he himself transforms from a worm into a butterfly, the task of adolescent parents will be completed. \”A friend told me about a past incident: When he was in the third grade of junior high school, he lived in the school dormitory because his parents were working. During that time, he was very rebellious. He dyed his hair colorful and had earrings. He often skipped classes and went to Internet cafes to play, like a little gangster. One night, he and a few friends jumped out of school and went to Internet cafes to stay up all night. After that day, his temperament suddenly changed. Not only did he dye his hair back to black, but also He stopped skipping classes, started listening carefully, worked hard, and was finally admitted to a key local high school. Later I found out that when he went out to buy drinks that night, he saw his father wandering in front of the Internet cafe. It turned out that the dormitory supervisor was doing his rounds late at night. When he found out that he was not there, he asked the teacher to notify his parents because he was worried about danger. That night, his father made many inquiries before finding the Internet cafe. When he saw his back sitting on the chair, he wanted to rush up and take him away, but he was afraid of doing so. He couldn\’t get off the stage in front of his friends, so he stood guard at the door. After seeing him, his father did not scold him as fiercely as he imagined. Instead, he gently asked him what he wanted to drink, and after buying the drink, he gave him some money. The father said: \”I know it\’s my mother and I who feel sorry for you and can\’t stay with you in order to make money, but you are still young and there are many people in places like Internet cafes, so I am really worried about your safety. \”There are no accusations or complaints in a few gentle words, but full of understanding and apology for the child. How can it not shock the child\’s heart? After all, what children need is not an enemy who can defeat them in words and actions, but an enemy who can defeat them in words and actions. A friend who knows how to show weakness and empathize. Adolescent children are like hedgehogs covered with thorns. If you confront them head-on, they will only be pricked. Only by knowing the wisdom of giving in and being tolerant can it be more conducive to the growth of children. As written in the book \”Decoding Puberty\”: \”During adolescence, mutations in the body and mind are like a violent storm. Every child who seems rebellious and unapproachable needs strong support from his parents. \”Josie Sipp, the author of the book, was also a rebellious teenager.As an orphan, he bounced around several foster homes. Every time he was sent to a foster home, he would cause trouble, irritate his adoptive parents in every way, and secretly calculate how many days it would take before he would be kicked out. Until he met an adoptive father who was willing to tolerate and accept him no matter how naughty or mischievous he was. When he was arrested for drunk driving, his adoptive father said to him: \”You see yourself as a trouble, but we see you as an opportunity.\” It was this sentence that made Josie determined to change, and eventually became a researcher on adolescent issues. expert. The book \”Accompanying Children Through Adolescence\” writes: \”No matter how cold-blooded adolescent children appear on the surface, or how much they pretend not to need us, their parents are still their heaven, and home is still the safe haven they need most in their hearts.\” They push you away and crave you at the same time. They are constantly provocative and rebellious, not only because they want to be independent, but also because they want to test their parents\’ love, and want to know whether their parents love them as a person, or whether they are just good academics, obedient and in line with their parents\’ expectations. That child. What parents can do is to understand and accompany their children, stand side by side with them unconditionally, and let their children feel their parents\’ love. Only then can they win their hearts and help them grow better. 03 Parents should do 4 things to spend their adolescence smoothly. Writer Mai Jia once said: \”Adolescence is a kind of danger. It can go to heaven or earth, it can be a knife or a flower. As elders, we have only one choice, which is to help our children become a flower. , smooth out the sharp spots and help them get through the most volatile and time bomb stage.\” Don\’t compete with adolescent children. Parents should do 4 things to survive adolescence smoothly: 1. Change your behavior and do more Wang Dianjun, former principal of the High School Affiliated to Tsinghua University, once pointed out in a speech that when children enter adolescence, parents should \”cook more and talk less.\” Talking less means nagging less and preaching less. When there is less blame, there is less conflict; when there is more space, there is more love. Cook more, make food that your child likes to eat, and take good care of his body. Even though he is still rebellious in a short period of time, he can feel the love from his parents from the warm meals every day, which makes him understand that no matter what, his parents are his strongest supporter. 2. Change the educational mentality and learn to respect children. The book \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”The best way to win over teenage children is to stand with them first with a kind, firm and respectful attitude. Let the children be With the support of understanding, you can gain a sense of self-esteem and belonging.\” Respect his privacy and give him space: knock on the door before entering the bedroom, do not read his diary or chat history, and do not interfere too much in his interactions with friends; respect him have the right to speak and treat them equally: truly treat children as part of family decision-making, discuss things together, and cultivate children’s sense of responsibility; respect his choices, support and help: recognize his interests and hobbies, and cultivate consistent topics, so that he can be more Good communication. 3. Change the education model and use more encouragement to teach happiness. Psychologist Zhou Fan said: \”The motivation method is completely inconsistent with the operating principles of psychology. Because self-change requires strength, every change requires effort.Strength breaks old habits, and guilt is the quickest thing to kill a sense of strength. The more you judge or condemn others, the more you deprive them of the power to change. \”Facing adolescent children, parents should try to praise and encourage them as much as possible, and use positive words to inspire their children\’s inner strength. Say \”I love you\” more so that children can feel the love and support from their parents; say more \”You can do it\” allows children to see their parents\’ trust; say more \”I\’m proud of you\” so that children can realize the value and meaning of their existence and feel their parents\’ care and love. 4. Change the focus and look less Scores depend more on character. A person\’s character will determine his future direction in life. Parents must understand that for children, scores are important, but character education is also indispensable. Let children participate in housework, do housework, and cultivate them self-discipline; exercise with the child, exercise, and cultivate his perseverance; guide the child correctly when he makes a mistake and cultivate his resistance to frustration; express gratitude when receiving help from others and teach the child to be grateful… Parents who love their children will do so. The plan is far-reaching, and grades do not represent everything, nor are they the only criterion for determining whether a child is excellent. Don’t let the “grades only theory” in front of you affect your child’s long-term development. I once read a very touching sentence: “I have thought about it many times. Is it the best love? If there is a road ahead that I have fallen beyond recognition, and you insist on going. I hope the way I love you is not to pull you hard and tell you not to go, but to prepare you with the most durable shoes, prepare an umbrella, and tell you that the second intersection is slippery and that there are obstacles on the fifth street. Thief, I tell you, go ahead and you will have food at home when you come back. I think the best love should be: I love you, and you are free. \”Puberty is not only a test for children, but also a big test for parents. Only by mastering the correct way of answering questions can we write the most satisfactory answer sheet. Decoding Puberty Free Full Text Reading pdf+epub+azw3 Like at the end of the article, I hope everyone will like it Parents can find the right way to communicate with their children. I hope that every child can be sincerely understood and respected by their parents. I hope that every family can be happy, go smoothly for the rest of their lives, and everything is safe.