How to help children break out of the closed cycle of confusion and confusion

Last night, Chengzi chatted with his classmates. Several boys chatted on the video about how much homework they had left to do, how they were preparing for the final exam, and they also complained about a certain teacher from time to time. After listening to it for a while, I felt somewhat emotional. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scan and PDF version download. Teenagers’ parenting ideas are different from those of primary school students. At this stage, they are not only growing rapidly in size, but also in their cognition and mind. They not only need a lot of physical nutrition, but also need abundant spiritual nutrition. Many children begin to think: What is the meaning of life? Why should I study? This means that children need guidance, role models, and goals. However, today\’s children have rich material resources, but their lives are very monotonous. They are mostly at school and home every day, and the only people they come into contact with are their parents, teachers and classmates. Due to their limited knowledge, many parents love their children by taking care of their children\’s basic necessities, food, clothing, housing and transportation, and by urging their children to learn. As long as they see their children immersed in studying, parents will feel at ease. As for what to study? How to learn? Why study? Many parents themselves are confused, and they only nag over and over again: Listen well in class, work hard, and as long as you study well, you will be able to go to a good university and find a good job in the future. Regarding issues of outlook on life and values, many parents can no longer give their children much guidance. And what about the teacher? During the schooling stage, if you can meet a good teacher who not only teaches the class well, but can also teach you and help you solve your problems, that would be a very lucky thing, and it is something that can only be met by chance. As for companions, because they are all teenagers, they have similar cognitive dimensions and life experiences, and they mostly provide support and companionship from their peers. Although this is what children need very much, they only have companionship and lack of guidance. , the child\’s inner confusion and confusion can only be temporarily relieved, but cannot be solved. This is what it feels like to listen to Chengzi chatting with his classmates. Therefore, many children seem to have no worries about food and clothing, and have a fulfilling life, but they are spiritually barren. If we cannot find the direction and meaning of progress, we will easily be distracted by trivial and superficial fun, or fall into chaotic and numb repetition. If this continues, you may become a mentally mediocre person. What should parents do if they cannot give their children spiritual guidance? I have summarized three solutions. 1. Cultivate children’s reading habits from an early age and obtain spiritual nutrition from books. If a child likes to read, by the time he reaches middle school, his reading habit will become his wings. A large amount of reading with a variety of tastes will expand a person\’s world view, know that there are various ways of life in this world, and have wisdom and thinking that is as bright as the stars. Children\’s world view, outlook on life, and values ​​will also be gradually formed in reading, and they will pay more attention to the inner spiritual world. I always feel that children who love reading are less likely to go astray. Therefore, if your child is still young, you might as well spend some time cultivating your child\’s interest in reading. If your child is in middle school, you can find biographies of famous people to read to your child, so that in the early stages of life, your child can climb up and see the panoramic view of other people\’s lives, and have preliminary thoughts about life. At the same time, the spiritual power of these great figures will alsoIt affects children subtly. Just like Dong Yuhui, the recently popular New Oriental movie, said that as a farm boy, he watched \”The Ordinary World\” three times and drew a lot of spiritual strength from it. 2. Find role models around you for your children and influence lives with your life. I once shared a true story. There was a mother. After her son entered high school, she felt that she was not capable enough to guide her child in his studies, so she inquired carefully and finally found a former top scorer in the college entrance examination in the city, who was already a college student at the time. This mother paid the college entrance examination winner to keep in touch with her child and communicate more. Children have learned a lot of learning methods from their \”seniors\”, have a preliminary understanding of choosing a major and college life, and are more motivated to study. In the end, the child was admitted to the university of his choice with excellent results. What this mother did was very wise. She knew that if she talked too much, the children would be annoyed and resisted. Besides, she couldn\’t achieve anything by nagging, so it was better to find someone whom the children admired. When such a person speaks, it is easy for children to listen. Of course, it would be better if there are such \”seniors\” among relatives and friends. A boy was admitted to a key high school. His uncle also graduated from this school. He had a successful career and was once invited to give a lecture. Looking at his uncle on the podium, the boy felt particularly proud. He went home and said to his mother: I also want to be like my uncle. Later, the boy followed his uncle\’s footsteps and was admitted to a top-2 university, and became his uncle\’s university alumnus. Such role models, because they are real people around them, can truly feel the spiritual power of the role models, and have a greater impact on children. At the same time, because they have more contact with children, they can also provide more specific guidance and help to them. During adolescence, it would be a very lucky thing for a child to have such a \”predecessor\” to guide him. 3. Professional psychological counseling to achieve mental growth. Although it may sound like advertising, this is what I particularly want to say. Because, I was very touched during the consultation. Many parents think of asking their children for counseling because their children are tired of studying and have dropped out of school. In fact, when children encounter general problems in study and life, being able to chat with a counselor will not only help solve the problem, but also help them solve the problem. Promote children\’s mental growth. Because during the consultation, the counselor will not give specific suggestions and tell the children what to do, but will guide the children to see their own inherent thinking patterns, emotional stucks and cognitive biases, which are often the factors that cause the children\’s troubles. . It is these invisible and intangible things that unconsciously affect the direction of a person\’s life. Many people spend their entire lives unaware of these things, spinning around in circles and calling it fate. If a person could see this in his teens or early twenties, he might wake up from the chaos and make choices more consciously, and his life might be different. I once said to a girl: You know what? By coming to psychological counseling, you have already surpassed many of your peers. Because, when her peers were still immersed in studying and groping alone in their own little worries and emotions, she already knew how to deal with it.Negative emotions, she saw her usual relationship patterns, learned to think about problems with a growth mindset, and practiced how to better accept herself… These perceptions and experiences were mental growth, and they were also planted in her heart. If you plant seeds one by one, when the time is right, they will blossom and bear fruit. When a person understands himself more clearly and clears the relationship with himself and his parents, his heart begins to relax, inner motivation will arise spontaneously, and he will be more willing to take responsibility for his own life. As children enter adolescence, parents may feel that they are increasingly unable to educate their children – their children find it annoying if they talk too much, and they can\’t bear to watch their children waste time in ignorance while they are too anxious to exert their energy. . At this time, in addition to self-growth and keeping up with the pace of children\’s growth, we must also learn to find resources to increase support – books, role models, and professional psychological counseling are all good methods that can nourish and support children from different perspectives. . Wise parents are not only wise themselves, but also make good use of the wisdom of others. We don’t need children to win at the starting line, but these methods can support children to run farther and more steadily.