How to help children have appropriate self-esteem?

In a short video, a little boy hit his classmate because he called him a bald boy in a joke. The principal criticized him. The little man was crying and shouting in a tone that changed due to excitement: \”I want dignity. Even if I am beaten to the ground by them and my face is bruised and bruised, I still want dignity…\” The following is The comments overwhelmingly praised the boy for his strong self-esteem and backbone. In fact, there are many such children and even adults around us. They especially cannot tolerate being told something bad about them, even if they are joking. As long as you feel you have been violated, you may jump up and argue with others immediately, or you may take action if you disagree with someone. People often say that this is because they have too much self-esteem. But is this really the case? I\’m afraid we\’re all wrong: Such people are just as likely to have low self-esteem. Why? First let’s look at what self-esteem is. Where does self-esteem come from? Self-esteem comes from self-esteem. When I was in high school, our school would provide several scholarships to students from poor families every year. Each time, the applicants had to go on stage to receive the scholarship at the school assembly. Children applying for financial aid are resistant to this approach. Standing on the stage to receive subsidies can easily make people feel inferior to others. Some people even gave up applying in order to avoid being labeled as a \”poor household.\” There is a male classmate from the countryside who applies for the school\’s scholarship every year. At that time, some children from well-off families would say sarcastically to him: \”We paid all your tuition fees!\” They would also laugh at his worn-out shoes and the color of his coat that was so washed that you couldn\’t tell. But he always faced these taunts calmly. During the three years that I was a classmate, I never saw him get angry because of other people\’s ridicule, nor did I see him change his lifestyle because of what others said. He calmly went to the stage to receive subsidies, wore those shabby clothes calmly, paid his tuition on time, and studied seriously. In the end, he was admitted to a key university in Beijing with the third grade in his grade, making all those who laughed at him automatically shut up. Now that I think about it, this male classmate’s behavior is a sign of high self-esteem. Accept yourself, love yourself, and always believe in your own value no matter what the external conditions are. Even if you are unfairly treated or even humiliated, you still believe that you are worthy of respect. Such people truly have high self-esteem. Because they have a high level of self-love. On the contrary, just like the little boy at the beginning of the article, it is precisely because he does not accept himself enough, believes in himself, and even doubts himself that when others point out his \”shortcomings\”, he will use fierce counterattacks to cover up his guilty conscience. So people say: Extreme self-esteem equals inferiority. In fact, inferiority complex is inferiority complex, it is just shown in a form that seems to protect self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from self-confidence and positive self-evaluation. Last month, I participated in a learning exchange meeting held by an international high school. Several children who had been admitted to prestigious foreign schools came to share their experiences in studying and admitted to prestigious schools with parents and students. One of the children caught my attention. Different from his classmates who shared how to learn English and how to write letters of recommendation, he talked about what books he likes to read and what sports he likes. He participated in international aid projects in Indonesia and Thailand as a volunteer and took exams.Interesting anecdotes from official interviews. Through interesting stories, he told us: When entering a prestigious school, grades are important, but they are only one factor. Comprehensive quality is the most important competitiveness. One parent stood up and challenged him: \”You didn\’t follow the domestic education system, so you said it very easily. It seemed like you were admitted to a prestigious school just for fun. If you were admitted to Peking University and Tsinghua University today, you could still emphasize comprehensiveness so easily.\” Are you qualified?\” The child replied calmly: \”In your eyes, it may be just for fun, but in fact, every kind of \”play\” has taught me important abilities. If I just play for a while, I can pass the exam. MIT, then if I choose to take the college entrance examination, I believe it will not be difficult to get into Peking University and Tsinghua University.\” This answer is a bit like a newborn calf not afraid of tigers, but it makes sense. I believe that his self-confidence and determination in his abilities must be important factors in gaining the favor of prestigious schools. Confidence and positive self-evaluation not only help people achieve success, but also allow people to view the event objectively when encountering setbacks and failures, instead of attributing failure to their own incompetence and thus denying themselves. For example, if a child fails in an exam, a child with a positive evaluation mentality will analyze the specific reasons for the failure; a child who is not confident and has a low evaluation of himself will attribute it to his own lack of ability. The former is clearly more likely to succeed in the face of challenges than the latter. How to judge the level of a person\’s self-esteem. Psychologist Christopher Andrew proposed in the book \”Appropriate Self-Esteem\” that to measure your own self-esteem level, you need to ask yourself the following questions: 1. Can I Full, unconditional acceptance of yourself, for better or for worse? (Self-Love) 2. Do I believe I have the ability to take appropriate action? (Confidence) 3. How do I evaluate myself? (Self-evaluation) Generally speaking, the more certain people are about their own worth and abilities, the higher their self-esteem level. People who are hesitant about the above questions, or even hold negative answers, have low self-esteem. However, we need to note that although high self-esteem will bring us more sense of identity and value, it does not mean that high self-esteem is absolutely good, and low self-esteem is absolutely bad. What we should promote is appropriate self-esteem. why? In life, do you often meet a kind of people who are very confident and motivated, but their words and deeds make people feel a little arrogant, as if they are always superior to others. This is a sign of excessively high self-esteem. Excessive high self-esteem can easily manifest into arrogance, which can make others feel uncomfortable in interpersonal interactions; overconfidence can also lead to a decline in judgment. In the same way, although excessive low self-esteem manifests as low self-esteem and low self-evaluation, it can put people in a negative state. However, people with low self-esteem tend to be modest, cautious, and easy to cooperate with others. These characteristics have their merits. How to let children have appropriate self-esteem is not an extremely high self-esteem that is arrogant, nor is it a negative low self-esteem that is self-denial. What we need is a stable and appropriate level of self-esteem: neither arrogant nor discouraged, face-to-faceBe happy but not proud of victory; face failure, be courageous but not discouraged. Have a positive and objective evaluation of yourself, accept yourself, and believe in your abilities. How to cultivate appropriate self-esteem in children starting from childhood? First, give your children enough love and recognition. Adler said in his book \”Inferiority and Transcendence\” that people are looking for a sense of security and worth throughout their lives. Children\’s sense of security must be obtained from their parents in their early years. The more unconditional love and acceptance, the stronger the child\’s sense of security. The more love they receive, the more they believe that they are worthy of being loved and respected no matter what the circumstances. This is where self-love comes from. Second, proper education and requirements can allow children to have real self-confidence. If a sense of security is obtained from parents, a sense of value is obtained through hard work and proves that someone\’s behavior in a certain field is valuable. . Unlike security, the acquisition of a sense of value is not unconditional, but is acquired through education and acquired efforts. For example, a child participates in chess training, practices for a period of time, puts in corresponding efforts, and then achieves good results in a game. This resulted in increased self-confidence and a positive perception of his abilities. What parents can do is to guide their children to find areas in which they are good at, provide them with training resources, encourage them to persist, praise them when they make progress, and learn to analyze the problems themselves when they encounter problems. Slowly help him build stable self-confidence and positive self-evaluation. To help children build self-confidence, we need to encourage them more, but we must also pay attention to the methods. Many parents are used to praising their children for everything: You are awesome! Little do they know that this kind of empty praise is harmful to their children, because the children don\’t know what \”awesome\” they are. When we encourage children, we should tell them specifically: what you did and why you did it well, so that the children can understand the correct direction of efforts. Third, learn to set appropriate goals that can be achieved through hard work, and establish a positive self-evaluation system. The establishment of self-esteem does not happen overnight, and it is not static. It requires continuous investment to consolidate. Teach children to set reasonable goals and constantly work towards the goals. During the continuous actions, they may fail, then learn to adjust and move forward. This whole process is an essential stage for a person to gain confidence. For children, learn to set small goals one by one from an early age, then start with small goals, set bigger goals, and complete them down-to-earth, learn to take matters into their own hands in setbacks, and add points to their self-confidence when they win. In the end, let them understand that self-confidence does not mean that they cannot lose, but that they do not admit defeat. What should a child with stable self-esteem look like when he grows up? He Youjun is a more suitable example. There are too many and too fancy labels given to him by the outside world. However, putting aside the external conditions such as family, wealth, and handsomeness, if we evaluate his performance in several variety shows, he is confident but not arrogant, superior but not exaggerated, and has clear goals. Being humble and polite is the most profound impression on people. Looking at the family tradition of the Ho family, Stanley Ho’s entrepreneurial story of starting from scratch tells children from an early age that the world depends on them.He fought with his own hands and punches, so even He Youjun, who was talented since childhood, still studied hard after getting admitted to MIT. It took him three years to graduate from a very intensive four-year university; and then he started his own business. The family\’s traditional technology industry starts over. It cannot be said that his stable and high self-esteem level is not without the influence of his family. However, when standing in front of the stage and facing difficulties, the confidence and calmness that he is bound to win must come from his certainty in his own abilities. It is the attention of parents, the proper education, the setting and achievement of goals, and countless failures and standing up again after failure. Bit by bit, a person\’s proper self-esteem is built. Not every family can provide their children with a strong background and rich resources, but every parent can help their children build appropriate self-esteem in the right way. Not everyone can be He Youjun, but everyone should pursue a life of self-love and confidence with appropriate self-esteem.