How to help children know and do what they need to do?

Yesterday was the first day that the child officially transferred to school online, and he was still a little stressed. After I got home from school, I didn\’t notice what time he started doing his homework. He hadn\’t finished it until after 11 o\’clock, and I felt a little regretful. He told me that actually there wasn’t much homework, just over an hour was enough, but he didn’t arrange it in advance. I told him, I know you really want to make arrangements. It takes a process to adjust from knowing to doing it. Let\’s adjust slowly. 10 poems from poor families, for children who are taking the college entrance examination. 01. It will be very distressing if you know you can’t do it. Looking back on your own growth experience, there are many things you know but can’t do. When I was young, I liked to try things, but in fact, most things ended in failure halfway through. I know that I am prone to giving up halfway, so I warn myself every time: there must be results. But a lot of things still end up in a stalemate, and I feel very distressed. I know that I am a rough-and-tumble person who is prone to making some low-level mistakes. I do it very seriously every time, but in the end I will still make mistakes of this kind. If this happens too many times, I may even deny myself. Most parents face a common problem when it comes to their children\’s education, that is, they know they shouldn\’t get angry, but they just can\’t do it and can\’t control themselves emotionally. This is also typical of knowing that you can’t do it. 02. It is important to understand and be tolerant when a child fails to do something. When a child fails to do something, the child actually feels guilty and has a bad opinion of himself. At this time, the child is also very fragile. If you criticize your child at this time, there will generally be three results. The first is that your criticism makes the child feel equal to his or her own guilt. I have already received the criticism and punishment I deserve for not doing this well, so I don’t need to reflect or correct it, which makes the child feel at ease. The second is that your criticism further aggravates the child\’s denial of himself. The child feels that I am like this anyway, thinks that he is a person who cannot discipline himself, and is unwilling to think of ways to solve the problem. The third situation is that the child feels bored and develops the mentality of \”I will do it if I am told, and I will not do it if I am not asked\”, and loses the initiative in doing things. Therefore, criticism cannot make a child who cannot do it do it. Even if he does it under our request, it will not make him confident in doing it in the future. Last night, after my child finished his homework, he lay next to me and said, \”Mom, I need your comfort. On the way home from school, I thought about going home and finishing my homework early. Why didn\’t I do it? I felt very decadent. .\” I told him: \”Mom can\’t arrange everything well, and she couldn\’t arrange it well when she was as old as you. It\’s really difficult to \’do it\’. I feel that you have a strong will, and I believe it. You can do it.\” The child\’s desire to change is more important than whether he actually does it. When children have doubts about their abilities, they need to get trust and support from their parents so that they can once again generate the strength to manage themselves. 03. Let \”know\” become what the child wants to do from the bottom of his heart. \”Know\” but \”can\’t do it\”. The \”know\” here refers to what the child wants to do from the bottom of his heart., is called \”knowing\”. Once, I was chatting with my neighbor in the elevator about the children doing their homework very late. A grandmother next to me who was picking up her children from school said, \”Let the children go home and do their homework first, so that they won\’t be able to do it that late.\” This grandmother said You are right, you can indeed ask your children to do this now, and it can solve the current problem. This is also a method often used by many parents to cultivate their children\’s study habits. When children are still young in primary school, they do whatever their parents tell them to do, thinking that this is to cultivate habits. When the child is older and his sense of autonomy has developed to a certain level, how can he just obey the instructions of others? Therefore, control can only be temporary. The requirements we give our children are not the \”knowledge\” they want, which is why many parents complain that their children don\’t keep their words. The things the children agreed to at that time may just be a delaying measure to avoid long lectures or uncontrollable emotions from their parents. In fact, we adults also use this trick, right? Only when the child internalizes this requirement and turns it into what he wants can he truly \”know\”. 04. Give your children space and time. When I was in primary school, I had relatively more control over my children. When I let go, my children also experienced out-of-control situations in using mobile phones. They often went to bed after 12 o\’clock at night. Sometimes I would stay up until two or three o\’clock. I think the body is his and he knows how uncomfortable it will be. From enjoying sleeping late at the beginning, now he knows how to protect his body and wants to arrange his studies. What I wanted became what he wanted. This process is growth. If we don’t give children the opportunity to experience it, and we just tell them the truth, it will be difficult for children to accept certain behaviors of others, and they will be used to judging right and wrong, which is not conducive to the development of interpersonal relationships. Most parents want their children to grow up smoothly and help their children avoid the pits they have fallen into. Looking at all the great and successful people in history, which one has not experienced ups and downs as well as hardships? Which one has not been baptized by time? Every experience a child has is an opportunity for him to grow. We want to help our children get rid of the stumbling blocks on the road, but we don’t know that we have become a stumbling block on the road to their growth. Give your children space and time to develop themselves, and let them go through ups and downs and hardships so that they can grow stronger. 05. Give trust and encouragement to children. Many parents regard letting go as a tool for their children to achieve their own expectations. After letting go, let the child be able to manage himself, and then control the child if he cannot manage himself well. Many parents ask, if I let go, why can’t my children still manage themselves? This matter is really not something as simple as just letting it go. Children are not born with the ability to manage themselves. Children also need to learn. Letting go is just an opportunity for you to give your children a chance to learn. If you take control of your children before they have learned it, then your children will have no chance to learn, and of course it will be more difficult to learn. . You let go because you trust your child. If you believe that your child wants to develop upward and for the better, you believe that your child has the ability to judge good from bad, and you believe that your child can learn to manage himself. Then, you will naturally have peace of mindand mentality to encourage children. Encouragement is a supplement of energy to children, which can help children grow. Self-discipline formed through self-management is true self-discipline. Don\’t think that self-discipline can be formed under control. It may be an illusion. The gap can be seen in the ability to perceive happiness and when facing changes. 06. Educating children is actually a self-cultivation. Educating children is a self-cultivation. Children are the effect and you are the cause. When I grew up, I realized that the child was not a devil but an angel. Children are our own projections, and children\’s problems are our own problems. When we grow up, we find that children have been helping us to see ourselves and promote our own growth.