How to help children with homework

As a parent, what role do you play in your child\’s learning? Most parents position themselves as guides and supervisors. But in fact, many times we play the role of saboteur without knowing it. Take my niece for example. She is in third grade this year and can’t do double-digit multiplication, so her sister brought her over and asked me to teach her. I gave my niece a piece of chalk and asked her to do the math. Before I finished writing the first vertical pose, my sister spoke up: Have you taken all the photos? Can the calculation be correct if the numbers are not even? The niece was fascinated and changed it, but it was still wrong. My sister muttered, \”I\’ve been teaching all morning, but the digits are still not aligned…\” while teaching her step by step. In this way, my sister \”pointed\” two or three more times, and my niece finally calculated the result, which was wrong. My sister yelled again: It’s not even right for me to teach you this! It was obvious that she was in position… Seeing this, I decisively \”drove\” my sister away. Then I taught my niece about digital numbers, and then started to do multiplication without making any mistakes again. I asked: Are these questions easy? Niece: It’s too easy. Then he said that every time my mother taught me questions, she almost made me cry. Next, my niece didn’t even eat lunch. She filled up half the yard with chalk and finished all her math homework in one go. Here my sister is what I call a \”saboteur\”. She makes her children feel that studying is hard. Many parents have overlooked one point: children\’s learning is not a matter of two days or a few weeks, but a process that lasts for more than ten years, so it is important to pay attention to the long-term effects. Parents are often concerned about the short term: Have you finished today’s homework? What score did you get on this exam? Why was the teacher scolded? Then, because of the \”focused attention\” on the \”short term\”, the children\’s long-term learning is undermined without knowing it. For example, criticizing and scolding can help children do more questions in the short term, but what about the long term? Like my niece said, she almost cries every time she does her homework. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! If learning is so painful, how can a child want to learn? Who would fall in love with something that makes them miserable? If she doesn\’t change, she will spend the next ten years not studying, but hanging around, and may even get tired of studying and drop out of school. So I say, this is destroying learning. I have encountered several such cases: children are about to advance from primary school to junior high school or take the high school entrance examination, but their results are not very satisfactory. So my mother quit her job and went home to take care of her children full time. As a result, after a few months, the children whose grades were originally good declined seriously and even threatened to drop out of school. This is all the result of my mother\’s destruction of learning. The most direct way for parents to \”sabotage\” learning is to create a high-pressure learning environment and put children in a state of fear and anxiety. For example, when it comes to homework, we often complain that \”if you don\’t do your homework, your mother will be kind and your son will be filial, but if you do your homework, you will be like a chicken and a dog.\” But when things go crazy, are parents the only ones who are unhappy? Parents can yell when they are angry, but what about children who are in a vulnerable position? Are they watching their actions while worrying about being scolded for not doing something, being scolded for doing wrong questions, being scolded for not knowing what they did wrong, being scolded for not bringing a book, being scolded for being scolded by their mother for pulling out a certain test paper…Are they the most Hate doing homework? I\’m most afraid of my mother wandering around behind me…We can think back to the situation where children cry because of homework. How many times is it related to parents? And when the chest is filled with grievances, fear, and anger, can the child calm down and study? In fact, at this time, the child either keeps thinking about what just happened, or his mind goes blank. When I was in the fourth grade of elementary school, my math teacher was the aunt of one of my classmates. She was very attentive and demanding of her nephew. And his parents, of course, stood uprightly on his aunt\’s side. So this classmate was very afraid of taking math class. As a result, under the strict requirements of his aunt, his grades in all subjects, not only mathematics, declined. Auntie was disappointed. Once I saw that my nephew was not paying attention to the class, so he called on him to answer questions. The nephew doesn\’t. My aunt sneered: OK, let me ask you a simple question! What is 2+2? The nephew said timidly that it was equal to 4. The aunt said: Are you sure it is 4? The nephew immediately changed his mind: 6. My aunt was furious: You are already in fourth grade, don’t you even know about 2+2? Of course that kid was not that stupid. I remember he almost got a certificate when he was in the second or third grade. However, because of fear, he acted like a retard and dared not even say that 2+2 equals 4. Not long after fifth grade, the child dropped out of school. No more classes that scared him. Therefore, even if parents cannot add much fun to their children\’s learning, at least they should not always associate learning with pain and fear. If learning represents pain and fear, the child will want to escape from it all, and he will feel that dropping out of school is a good choice. Parents\’ high expectations can also undermine children\’s learning, even completely. There are two types of children who drop out of school, one is because of poor parent-child relationship, and the other is because of parents’ high expectations. Many parents think: Isn’t it natural to have expectations for their children and hope that they will achieve success in the future? However, education does not look at whether it is \”as it should be\”. To measure the success or failure of education, we only look at the results. Are your \”expectations\” effective? Has the child studied well? Have your grades improved? Are you satisfied with his performance? I\’m afraid the answer for most parents is no. Parents\’ expectations are often beyond the reach of their children. If the child does it, the parents will set higher expectations until the child cannot do it. If the child can no longer do it and the parents still insist on it, the child may collapse. \”Mom, please have another child, just treat me as a son!\” \”Just treat me like a piece of shit, can\’t you!\” These are what a collapsed child says to his parents. The higher the parents’ expectations and the stronger their obsession, the greater the harm to their children. In high schools in Zhengzhou and my hometown, there are children suffering from a strange disease. Two children with good academic performance. The child in Zhengzhou suffered from stomachache, sweating and low fever, while the child from his hometown had a high fever and cough, which was like a cold. In the school infirmary, they took medicine, injections, and intravenous drips, but nothing improved, so they had to take leave and go home. But when I returned home, I recovered quickly. Returned to school and fell ill again a few days later. I went to a big hospital for a checkup and found nothing wrong with me. But it just happened over and over again. I would get sick as soon as I got to school and get better as soon as I got home. The children in my hometown dropped out of school and stayed at home for more than a year. This disease is not a physical disease, but a mental disease called hysteriadisease. To put it simply and generally, it is a strong subconscious unwillingness to learn that causes physical symptoms of illness, allowing children to legally escape from school. Why are children who are good at studying unwilling to study? Because I can\’t meet my parents\’ expectations. I remember watching CCTV\’s \”Psychological Interview\” before. One episode talked about a pair of parents who had great expectations for their children. Their children studied very well and ranked first in every exam. In order to provide them with the best education, they transferred their children from county high schools to city key schools, and then to provincial key schools. They also sold their house in their hometown in the countryside and went to the provincial capital to accompany them to their studies. But in the provincial capital, you can\’t always get first place in the exam, and this child will have a schizophrenia. When parents\’ high expectations undermine learning, they do so thoroughly. So, how can we not disrupt children’s learning? Please remember the following \”Three Questions for Parents\” and ask yourself often, and you will know what to do. The first question is, does my behavior make my children love learning more or are they afraid or disgusted with learning? When your children are studying, what are you doing as a parent? Urgent? Supervision? Finding fault? Reading? play cell phone? Whatever we are doing, we have to think about the consequences, think about the long-term effects. Many parents do not think about the consequences, and simply do as they please, wanting to nudge their children or scold their children for poor performance. Pay attention to your child\’s reactions. As mentioned earlier, if a child feels that learning is painful, it will be easy to drop out of school. If your behavior makes him impatient, then you have to know that the child is studying with impatience today; if the child is crying because of learning, then you need to know that the child is studying with grievance today… with The more things you have, the less you have to learn and the closer you are to dropping out. Therefore, you must ask yourself whether my behavior makes children love learning more or make them fear or hate learning. The second question is, do I care more about my child’s learning than he does himself? As long as parents don\’t care more about learning than their children, then your expectations won\’t put a lot of pressure on them. If it exceeds the limit, the child will be under great pressure and may feel that I only study for my mother. The child will feel that he is a victim, and studying means sacrificing his own play time to get the grades his mother wants. Once scolded by the mother, the child will doubt the reason for studying: I have worked so hard for you, and you still scold me? So he gave up easily in the roar of \”I won\’t teach you any more!\” This is why the more concerned parents are, the more mediocre their children’s academic performance will be. For children who study well, their parents often do not interfere much with their studies. We always think that other people\’s children have good habits, so parents don\’t interfere. In fact, it\’s just the opposite. Because parents don\’t interfere in the beginning, children develop good habits. Ask yourself more, do I care more about learning than my children themselves? The third question is, can I still be a good child if I am not good at studying? The only way to improve the performance of children who do not study well is to stop treating them as bad children. Around us, children who study well are always lovable in various ways. They not only study well and have talents, but are also gentle and polite; while children who study poorly are often useless and have a bad temper. The reason is that children who study well are busy studying, while children who study poorly are busy fighting emotions. Children with poor learning have a lot of emotions.At school, I was criticized by teachers for not studying well, at home I was criticized by my parents for not working hard enough, and I seemed not to be welcomed anywhere, so I had a lot of emotions and discomforts in my heart. What they desire most is to be recognized and valued, and then they desire knowledge and achievements. So, it’s important not to treat them like bad kids. This requires parents to be able to discover the advantages of their children. Only when you see the advantages will you recognize him from the bottom of your heart. First, observe your children more. Many parents \”know their children by looking at them.\” Although they see their children every day, they do not observe or communicate with their children except urging them to study and criticizing their grades. They have no idea about their children\’s \”dinosaur expert\”, \”airplane expert\” and other specialties. Observe your children more and you will definitely find unexpected surprises. Second, strengthen the advantages. You can learn ways to strengthen children\’s strengths such as the \”Strengths Wall\” (there is a lot of information online), so that parents and children themselves can see these strengths. Success is always based on the previous success. If a child has more advantages, they will naturally be fed back to their learning. There is a saying that learning is a child\’s need, not a burden, just like eating is our need. But inappropriate intervention will turn learning into a burden for children, just like a dinner we really don’t want to go to. I hope parents will take a long-term view, observe more results, and educate their children according to rules. Then your children\’s learning will definitely make you worry-free.