How to improve children’s self-control

I can\’t help but eat snacks and drink drinks, which makes my body fatter and fatter… I can\’t help but play with mobile phones and watch TV, and my homework is put off later and later… I can\’t help but be distracted and distracted, and none of the knowledge taught by the teacher has entered my mind… I can\’t help but Crying, making trouble, losing temper, refusing to cooperate, and it is particularly difficult to adjust emotions… Good self-control should be one of the qualities that contemporary parents most want their children to have. It is also something that countless parents of children with ADHD hope that their children can improve. ability! Self-control refers to a person\’s ability to manage his or her behavior, emotions, and thoughts in the face of impulses or disturbing factors. The famous writer Gorky once said: \”Even a little restraint on oneself can make people strong.\” Explain the importance of self-control ability in forming a good character. [Both Seasons] Doctor of Psychology Zhang Yijun\’s Children\’s Emotional Intelligence Course MP3, teaches you how to raise children with high emotional intelligence. Children\’s self-control ability is not innate, but is related to the acquired environment, cognitive development, and the influence of education. . Some things can be accomplished without much concentration, but there are many things, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, hard study, work, etc., that require a lot of effort and focus on what you want to accomplish. on the target. At this time, inhibitory control is needed to suppress the strong tendency to do something and instead do what we should do most. But why do children, especially babies, often have poor self-control? Because self-control is related to brain development, self-control begins to develop in early childhood and will not be gradually improved until late adolescence or early adulthood. As humans evolved, the prefrontal cortex gradually expanded and became more closely connected to other areas of the brain. After the prefrontal cortex expands, it has new functions. It can control what we pay attention to, what we think about, and even affect how we feel. In this way, we have more control over our behavior. It’s just that the prefrontal lobe is the latest neocortex to appear in the brain, and it is also one of the latest parts to mature! Therefore, it is normal for children to have insufficient self-control. Just like muscles that have not been exercised cannot run faster, self-control without discipline and exercise cannot be strong enough to resist temptation, restrain laziness, and stay focused. So, how can children develop good self-control? Doudehui believes that setting rules for children is an effective way to improve children\’s self-control ability. Brain neuroscientists once vividly compared that exercising self-control is like exercising a muscle. Every time you exercise, you become stronger. The improvement of self-control requires continuous assistance from reasonable rules. It is very important to set family rules for children from an early age, such as rules for buying toys, rules for playing video games, rules for doing homework, rules for eating snacks, rules for watching TV, etc. For example, taking homework as an example, children with weak self-control ability cannot control their attention and behavior well when doing homework. They often get distracted, wander, make small movements, procrastinate, and dawdle. By helping them understand, adapt to, and develop rules, children will improve their ability to control themselves. In fact, many people know how to set rules for their children.Importance, I have made many rules at home, but the children\’s cooperation is not high and the expectations are not met, and in the end it often falls apart. The reason is that the principles and operating methods of formulating the rules are incorrect, resulting in the inability to implement the rules well. In the final analysis, when it comes to the word \”self-control\”, \”self\” comes first and \”control\” comes last. Many parents always discipline their children from their own point of view, and even use tougher methods to force their children to perform, only to find that their children\’s self-control has not improved at all. When there is parental supervision, the performance is barely acceptable. Once the control of external forces is lost, the situation becomes even worse. According to the laws of psychological cognitive training, a better way is to let children figure out what they should do, formulate rules and plans, and execute them step by step according to the plan. The advantages of this method are: first, the child has autonomy and makes his own plan, which will make the child feel his own sense of strength and ability; second, making a plan will help the child focus on the plan , which is what we often call \”working memory (the information that working memory is paying attention to at the moment)\”. Many times, children just don’t know what they can do, rather than they don’t want to do it. Without rules and plans, they will easily become more disorderly and chaotic, unable to control their own behavior, and certain rules and constraints can give children a goal direction. How to formulate effective rules, Duomama believes that the following five major principles need to be followed: 01 Form a consensus, rather than force one party. Rules are not made casually or suddenly, and require consensus from both parties. But often in life, parents will forcefully set some rules for their children without considering their opinions at all. This does not give full play to the child\’s subjective initiative, so that the implementation process is full of difficulties. 02 The rules should be clear and avoid ambiguity. Parents need to inform their children about the specific operation methods of the rules. The rules need to be clear. After the instruction is completed, the children can repeat the rules themselves. The operation must be absolutely fair. 03 Before determining the implementation of rewards and punishments, you need to discuss rewards and punishments in advance to reduce the child\’s resistance. Do not wait for the child to break the rules and impose temporary punishments. This will only make the situation worse. 04 Do not add additional requirements. Do not add additional requirements during the implementation of the established rules to ensure strict and fair execution. 05 Don’t break the enforcement of rules. The enforcement of rules requires a firm and kind attitude. Don’t break the enforcement of rules just because of something. The enforcement of rules does not require additional rewards. The implementation of the rules may be difficult at first, but if you persist in implementing them, your children will truly benefit.