How to make children feel loved? Remember to say these 4 sentences often

\”You must be independent in personality and dependent emotionally.\” This is a sentence in the book \”Every Child Needs to Be Seen\”. Author Gordon Neufeld explains: (Child) Maturity is a process full of contradictions. True independence and separation happen to begin with dependence and attachment. For example, before parents help their children face sleeping in separate beds and separation anxiety at school, they must first satisfy their children\’s need to be close to their parents so that they can have a full sense of love and belonging, so that they can better complete the transition from attachment to independence. Therefore, in the process of raising children, it is crucial to ensure that the children are recognized and deeply loved by their parents. Psychologist Winnicott once said: \”Only when a child is sure that he can go home at any time, can he move forward with peace of mind.\” Only when children feel full love from an early age can they be themselves and try with peace of mind. Go explore. Most parents are very confident about love. Today\’s children are the most concerned beings in the family. They have conditions and resources that were unimaginable in the past. However, the fact is that as living conditions have improved, the number of children who lack love has not decreased. On the contrary, the number of children with psychological problems has increased. This is because the concern in the eyes of parents may not necessarily be felt by children, but may instead be shackles. When children cannot feel the response and resonance from their parents\’ upbringing, they will naturally not feel love. Many families do not lack love, but what they lack is the ability to convey love and express love. How to make children feel loved? The simplest way is to start with communication. For example, you can start by saying the following four sentences often – 01 \”I care about your feelings.\” Parents feel that they love their children very much, but they often ignore and deny their children\’s emotions. Thinking that the child is young, his feelings are not important: when the child cries, \”I will count to three, and I will not be polite if you cry again.\” The child\’s flowers withered, and he was very sad, \”What does this little thing mean? Just buy another one.\” The child was very angry when the parent gave his child\’s toys to others. \”You must know how to share.\” In fact, it is precisely when children feel the most love and warmth. Moments where you value and understand his emotions and feelings. When their own feelings are valued and accepted, children can confirm their own existence, which creates a sense of security and value. Emotions are never good or bad. Each emotion exists for a reason and can lead parents into the heart of their children. In daily life, no matter what emotions the child shows, parents must first be able to stabilize their emotions and tell him seriously: \”Your feelings are important.\” They can be happy and joyful with their children, and also allow them to be angry, sad, and aggrieved. ,disappointment. This means that parents see the child in front of them and are willing to understand their feelings from the child\’s perspective. Children confirm their own importance from their parents\’ reactions and can calm down faster. Going a step further, parents can guide their children to understand their own emotions: \”I understand very well. You are sad that the flower you raised died, and you feel a little guilty, right?\” The child finds that his emotions are accurately expressed and resonates. It will create a feeling of warmth and love, establish an emotional connection between parents and children, and the children will trust their parents more. Even if you cannot satisfy your child, or when your child does something wrong, you can still tell your child: \”Your feelings are important, I understand.\” For example, if you don\’t buy toys for your children, parents can say: \”I won\’t buy you toys, you You feel very angry and sad, right? I understand. \”The child couldn\’t put the blocks together for a long time and was so angry that he threw the blocks everywhere. Parents can say, \”I understand, you haven\’t been able to put them together for a long time. I am very anxious.\” The message conveyed to the child is: I respect that you are angry and sad because you are not satisfied. I am willing to stay with you at this time and will not blame you for your emotions and needs. This is unconditional love. On this basis, parents tell their children the real reasons why they cannot satisfy him and teach him the correct approach. \”But I think this toy is a bit expensive, and I have a similar one at home, so I don\’t want to buy it this time.\” \”But it\’s wrong to throw things around. Next time you are angry or want to lose your temper, you can take a deep breath or run Go to your room, be quiet for a while, and beat the pillow…\” First accept and understand the emotions, then regulate the behavior and guide the child correctly. This kind of education will not only make children feel loved, but also learn rules. 02 \”If you can\’t do it, it doesn\’t mean you are bad.\” In recent years, adolescent mental health has become a social issue that cannot be ignored, reminding parents that in addition to their external performance, they need to pay more attention to their children\’s psychological world. Among them, academic pressure and \”only success, no failure\” education are the primary factors that destroy children\’s mental health. Many times, it is not the failures and setbacks themselves that make children feel hopeless, but the attitude of their parents. Parents have high hopes for their children from the moment they are born, and do not hesitate to spend everything they have to make him the \”perfect child\” they imagined. When children encounter failures, big or small, parents\’ reactions are disappointment, disgust, and denial. They tie the current performance to the future future, life, etc., putting a lot of pressure on the children. In this education model, children will use external performance to measure their own value. When they do not meet their parents\’ expectations, they will think that they are bad and unworthy of love. Therefore, they are very afraid of failure and setbacks and have poor psychological endurance. Shi Zhongying, dean of the Graduate School of Education at Tsinghua University, once said something meaningful: \”What middle school students fear is not failure itself. They have enough mental toughness to overcome the impact of failure on them. What they fear most is the social consequences of failure. Isolation, fear that parents will not like him, fear that teachers will look down on him, fear that classmates will alienate him. In essence, what children are afraid of is not academic failure itself, but the sense of existence and life brought about by academic failure. Loss of sense of value and meaning As long as parents and teachers do not tie academic failure to respect for their personality, trust in them, and hope for them, they can deal with failure very calmly and regard failure as a problem. \”This is a material for learning, and you can gain more positive energy for growth from failure.\” When children fail to do well in exams, their grades decline, and they encounter setbacks, they already feel very uncomfortable and their self-confidence is \”shaky.\” More and more of these moments,The more acceptance and love you need from your parents, the more energy your child will need to have, allowing him to muster up the courage to get back on his feet. Tell your child: \”If you can\’t do it, it doesn\’t mean you are bad.\” It means letting him understand that external performance does not represent your value. You are good and worthy of being loved. When a child fails or is frustrated, if parents give him more care, understanding and help instead of blaming and insulting, the child will always have confidence in himself, have expectations for the future, and become stronger and stronger. 03 \”It\’s okay, mom and dad will work with you to solve the problem.\” I saw a video some time ago and was very moved: Every time my mom accidentally spilled the water, my dad would softly say it\’s okay, he would first care about whether mom is okay. , and then calmly solved the problem without losing temper or blaming or complaining throughout the process. All this is seen by the children, and they have learned to deal with it in the same way. The entire family atmosphere is warm and relaxed. In this kind of family relationship, everyone will be nourished. In real life, many parents cannot tolerate their children making mistakes. Even if it is a small matter like dropping chopsticks on the floor, they will get angry and accuse their children of being useless and stupid… As everyone knows, the attitude of parents towards their children when they make mistakes… It greatly affects children\’s sense of security and self-worth. In the discussion about family relaxation, some netizens left a message: \”In my family, the fault tolerance rate is very low. If you make any mistake, you will be punished. It is difficult to relax at home, so you can only stay cautious.\” \”When I was a child, Even if the food falls on the floor, I will be scolded severely by my mother. As a result, when I grow up, I will be nervous and want to vomit if I make the slightest mistake, even if no one blames me. \”Parents need to realize that making mistakes is a necessary process for children to grow up. , they learn and accumulate experience by making mistakes. If parents make a fuss out of molehills and criticize their children too harshly every time, it will cause the children to reduce their exploratory behavior and become timid in order to avoid making mistakes. They will also learn to lie and even do dangerous things to avoid punishment after making mistakes. In such a family atmosphere, children are often sensitive and nervous, unable to freely be their true selves, live cautiously, and easily develop a pleaser personality. \”People\” once launched a solicitation: Is there a moment that made you realize that it doesn\’t matter? A netizen shared: For New Year’s Eve dinner, my grandma had just stewed the ribs and asked me to carry them from the yard to the dining table. As soon as I entered the door, I tripped on the door curtain and the plate of ribs in my hand lay on the floor. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Grandparents, parents, and mom were all laughing, without blaming or screaming, as if I just did something to make them happy. Grandma packed up the ribs and boiled them in the pot again. They were not dirty and she didn\’t get sick after eating them. Nothing is a big deal. If there is a problem, we can all figure it out together. The happiest thing is being together as a family. No matter what kind of relationship, it should be relaxing and healing, not stressful, especially the parent-child relationship. When a child makes a mistake, the parent keeps his emotions stable, tells him \”it\’s okay\”, and then uses positive language to guide him to recognize the mistake and learn to solve the problem. This is the focus of dealing with children\’s mistakes, rather than simply blaming and issuingLet off steam. If parents are more tolerant of their children\’s mistakes and control their emotions, their children will have enough inner security and will be more courageous to explore, try and make mistakes, and develop various abilities. This confidence of being accepted and loved will allow him to dare to ask his family for help no matter how difficult he encounters in the future. 04 \”I am very willing to listen to you.\” Psychology expert Cong Feicong once said: \”What the child is thinking is very important. Only when you truly understand him, understand him, and become his friend can you truly care about him. To be his friend is not only to play with him and make him happy, but also to get into his heart, listen to his voice, put yourself in his shoes, and achieve empathy. \”It\’s a pity. Yes, many parents are unable to listen to their children carefully and patiently. They often treat their children in a condescending manner, do not take his words seriously, and judge and doubt their children at will. For example, on the way out of school, a child frustratedly said to his mother: \”Oh, the teacher criticized me today.\” Mom: \”It must be because you didn\’t listen carefully.\” In fact, the child was wronged by the teacher and wanted to express his grievances to his mother. However, the mother\’s groundless speculation made the child even more hurt. The elder brother was playing with his younger brother and wanted to pour water for his younger brother. He accidentally dropped the cup and the water spilled all over the floor. My mother rushed over and immediately began to blame her brother: \”I know how to get into trouble all the time!\” Before she understood the truth, her first reaction was to criticize and accuse. For another example, a child has recently encountered difficulties in learning and felt frustrated, complaining: \”Oh, school is so tiring.\” After hearing this, the parents immediately became excited and began to teach their children great principles. Parents who don\’t know how to listen can easily misunderstand their children and destroy their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. What children feel is their parents\’ distrust and disapproval of them. As time goes by, they become less and less willing to communicate with their parents, and the distance between parents and children becomes wider and wider. The prerequisite for loving children is to respect them and treat them equally. Let go of your condescending adult thinking and prejudices and lean into the world of children. No matter what happens or what the child says, don\’t speculate on him, doubt him, or accuse him with prejudice. Trust your child more and think about problems from a positive perspective. First learn to be a listener and ask your child: \”What happened? I am very willing to listen to you.\” Give the child the opportunity and space to express, and then guide the child after understanding the whole situation. Children who are listened to will feel the warmth and love of their parents because of this respect, and can confirm their own sense of existence and value. To sum up, the implementation of unconditional love is nothing more than a few key words: respect, acceptance, understanding, and trust. Parents should guide their own education methods around these keywords, and I believe that their children will feel your love better.