How to make your child an honest child

I believe many parents have encountered such a situation: you saw your child knocking over the water glass, but the child refused to admit it; the school teacher assigned homework, but the child lied about it when he came home: there is clearly a record of playing games on the phone, but the child denies it. He said it wasn\’t him… These \”little tricks\” that are very easy to see through make parents angry and helpless. Honesty has always been considered a human virtue, while lying is considered a moral issue. Once a child exhibits such behavior, parents will always worry unconsciously. In fact, there is no child in the world who does not lie. It is a necessary process for children to grow up. The most important thing is to see how the parents respond. If you do it right, you will have an honest child. Being able to lie is actually an ability. The biologist Darwin once wrote the story of his son lying when he was more than two years old in \”The Life of an Infant\”. One day, he noticed that his son was behaving strangely when he walked out of the restaurant. It turned out that the child secretly ate candy in the restaurant, even though he had repeatedly reminded the child not to do it before this behavior. Darwin asked his son gently, but the child became naughty. I believe many parents have experienced Darwin\’s experience. It is not difficult to find that children’s lies actually start earlier than imagined. They already exist before the child’s moral values ​​are formed. To exaggerate, lying is almost innate to children. For example, a one or two-year-old child stretches out his hand to hand you a candy. When you are about to take it, he will laugh and retract it. After acquiring language, children will also tell some cute lies. For example, some children will say: \”I have never eaten a lollipop\”, the subtext is that they hope adults will buy it for me; other children will say: \”I can do magic!\” is because after watching some picture books and TV shows, I can\’t clearly distinguish between reality and imagination. Lying by these young children has nothing to do with morality. For children of this period, lying is an instinctive and spontaneous behavior. Children after the age of 3 will also increase their lying behavior, and the purposes behind it are also various. However, this is not a bad thing, but an important ability in children\’s mental development. Kang Li, a psychologist at the University of Toronto, believes: \”The occurrence of lying behavior in children is a reliable sign that they are on the right track of growing cognitive abilities.\” Because a child wants to lie, the brain must think quickly about how to lie. Giving wrong information is a \”thought-through\” process for children. \”The Psychology of Lying\” also mentioned: \”Lying is not an easy task. Children who can tell a good lie must be able to recognize the truth, conceive another false but coherent story, and then While instilling the situation that you prefer into others, you should synchronize the two different versions in your mind, and you also need to always think about the thoughts and feelings that the other person may have at the moment.\” From this perspective, lying is A smart show. 600 Children\’s Favorite Reverse Thinking Training Games Ultra-clear PDF Parents\’ attitude is the key to children\’s honesty. If children lie, it means that the children have grown up. As long as parents deal with it correctly, it will not become a problem. Unfortunately, in childrenAfter lying, many people\’s first reaction is to link this behavior with the child\’s quality. The most common ones are: \”You are not a good boy\”, \”You are a liar\”, \”You will get better when you grow up\”. In fact, these are overreactions to lies. A mother told of her children\’s lies: her 7-year-old son broke her favorite bottle of perfume and said it was his sister who did it. After the mother found out the truth, she was very angry and scolded the child in front of many people in the family. Children who lie are most afraid of having their lies exposed in public, which is a huge damage to the child\’s self-esteem. You can observe children who lie. Some are flushed and speak stumblingly. Some are calm on the surface but dare not look into adults\’ eyes. This is because they are in a nervous or fearful state of mind. At this time, the more you overreact, the more panicked your child will be, and the less likely he will be to tell you the truth in the future. Maybe a few words of threats and scolding have a deterrent effect on the child, but this is also short-lived and cannot guarantee that the child will stop lying. On the contrary, some children will become more \”cunning\” and try their best to perfect their lies so that you won\’t find out next time. In family education, don\’t always try to make your children \”long-memory\”, as this has no effect on their honesty. What can parents do so that their children can learn true honesty? To find out the psychological needs behind children\’s lies, Keigo Higashino said: \”The reason why people lie is to hide their inner fragility, protect those irreplaceable things, and escape the pain that they cannot escape.\” If you want to help a child who lies, than When criticizing, the first thing we should pay attention to is the reason behind the child\’s lying. Sometimes children choose to lie so as not to disappoint their parents, sometimes because they are afraid of punishment from their parents, sometimes because they want to be noticed by their parents, sometimes because they want to protect certain secrets… Peeling away the appearance of children\’s lies, you will find the hidden psychological reasons behind it. There is such an example: a primary school student wanted a new type of pencil case, and often went to the canteen at the school gate to pick it up and look around. Finally, he deceived his parents in the name of class fees and bought the pencil case with the money. After getting to know the toy, the parents discovered that the reason why their children wanted this toy so much was because almost everyone in the class had one and it was a \”popular item\” among the classmates. Children lie not because they want a pencil case, but because they want to blend in with their peers. A complete collection of inspirational stories from Chinese and foreign celebrities who cultivated children to be diligent and strong PDF [color picture 29.7MB] As parents of children, we need to reflect: It is just money for a pencil box, why do our children dare not ask us directly for it? At home, do children have normal access to money to get what they want? Do we really give our children the opportunity to express their needs? Only with this kind of introspection and finding the root cause of lying can we truly help our children. Give children room to think and confess. Children are not as calm and calm as we imagine after lying. They will also feel guilty and regretful. Parents should not be too anxious to expose their children\’s lies, let their children experience guilt and proactively admit their mistakes. Singer Zhang Yu once said this:The child wanted to change his cell phone but was afraid of being rejected by his parents, so he lied and claimed that he had lost his cell phone. Zhang Yu and his wife knew everything about their psychology, but they did not reveal too much about their children. Instead, they expressed in communication that they were old and had never seen any tricks before, and guided their children to think for themselves. The children understand their parents\’ painstaking efforts, admit their mistakes, and perform better in their subsequent studies and life. This kind of gentle reminder is easy to be accepted by children, and children will feel grateful because parents consider and maintain their children\’s self-esteem. This will make children regret lying. As long as they think about it for a moment, they will know how to deal with it. A child who lies needs an opportunity to take the initiative to confess, give him a step up, and let the child feel your understanding and acceptance. Lies will no longer be necessary. Encourage honest behavior and let your children understand that honesty is safe. If your child gets into trouble outside and he chooses to be honest with you, what will be the consequences? There are quite a few parents who will seize the fact that their children are at fault and scold them severely. In such a family, honesty is not safe. Since the consequence of honesty is criticism, why don’t children choose to lie and conceal it? At least this way there is still a \”ray of hope\”. In the TV series \”Family with Children\”, Liu Xing and Mo Mouse are holding failed test papers with sad faces. Mouse has a grumpy and unreasonable father, and Liu Xing\’s mother is far from gentle. They know that their parents will be furious when they learn about this score. The two children were afraid of being beaten by their parents, so they finally came up with a solution: they imitated each other\’s parent\’s signature. Unexpectedly, the teacher found out, and the two of them still couldn\’t escape a beating and scolding. When children feel fearful or cannot bear certain pressures, they will choose to lie as a defense. This is the fundamental reason why many children are unwilling to tell the truth to their parents. They have lost trust in their parents, and pressure and fear make them choose silence and lies. American psychologist Erin Kaser said: \”Honesty is a symbol of strength. It shows a person\’s high self-respect and inner sense of security and dignity.\” The most important thing about raising an honest child is The family encourages honest behavior. When your child confesses to you, no matter how bad the incident may be, you should encourage your child to be honest. Let your children know that home is a place where you can tell the truth, and you can be accepted even if you do something wrong: \”No matter what you do, your parents will tolerate you, and you don\’t need to lie at all.\” In this way, the children can understand, Honesty will not lead to bad consequences. The courage for children to admit their mistakes is given by their parents.