How to make your child’s strict self-discipline effortless

Now there are many teachers on the Internet talking about the importance of self-discipline and giving some methods. But as parents, we all know that cultivating self-discipline is really difficult. Some people say: Self-discipline must start with heteronomy. What we understand as heteronomy is the control of children. For example, you must finish your homework before you can play; what time you must go to bed; and you cannot watch TV for more than a certain amount of time… We think that by using control methods to make children form habits, we can develop self-discipline, but you will find that children are becoming increasingly difficult to control, and when children reach adolescence, they will no longer be able to be managed. A German mother’s experience in teaching integrity and self-discipline like this: Teach good children who are strong + independent + tolerant + frugal. If a child has been under the control of his parents and he has not resisted, don’t be lucky. It may be because the child feels that resisting will bring consequences to him. If the consequences are unbearable, he will choose to endure it. One day, the problem will appear in another form. For example, some children behave decadently, some children behave indifferently, and some children appear depressed… Because people are naturally willing to follow their own wishes, and control is an inhumane management method. The psychological impact of control on children will be lifelong. Heteronomy is not unilateral control by parents, but rules that everyone must abide by. If you don’t want your children to play with mobile phones, you can set family rules together and the whole family will abide by them. Children will be willing to abide by such rules. However, it is not recommended to set too many rules in the home, because home is a place of rest and relaxation. If you count the adults around you, there are actually not many people who can discipline themselves, so it is more difficult for children to do so at an active age. It is normal for children not to be able to discipline themselves. If your child shows undisciplined behavior, such as not paying attention in class, procrastinating on homework, or playing with mobile phones for too long, how would you usually respond? Remind your kids to hurry up? Complaining about your child not keeping their promise? Criticize your child for not being self-disciplined? You\’ll find that either way makes your child feel inadequate. Your reminders, complaints, and criticisms will not make your children become self-disciplined. I think there are two types of self-discipline: One kind of self-discipline means that children are willing to accept rules from the outside (this is my personal understanding). You will find that children are more willing to abide by social rules than adults. They are willing to wait for red lights. They\’re willing to throw their trash in the bin, and they\’re willing to wait in line. Children are not without self-discipline. What we want to deliberately cultivate is another aspect of self-discipline, which is actually mainly the self-growth part. For children, it is their academic and living habits. In my opinion, these are relatively personal aspects. Our deliberate cultivation actually contains personal expectations. We have seen that many successful people are successful because they have a common quality: self-discipline, demanding themselves, and restraining themselves. This kind of self-discipline actually means that they have their own goals in mind and believe that they can achieve them. In our view, self-discipline may take a lot to maintain. But in their own eyes, they don’t think it is self-restraint, but a way to achieve their goals. They themselves enjoy it, and they are doing it for themselves.Doing things is supported by faith. Therefore, self-discipline is not as difficult as it seems. In addition, self-discipline must not be something you have to work hard to overcome, because doing things that are beyond your ability or that are particularly difficult will consume your willpower. Willpower does not get better the more you practice, but becomes less and less the more you use it. When willpower is exhausted, it becomes difficult to achieve self-discipline. Just like some people will become very low in energy after working hard for a period of time and want to lie down. Self-discipline is not about persisting all the time. You must be wondering how to develop “self-discipline”, right? In fact, the way to make self-discipline effortless is to become confident. Self-confidence means believing that you can do it. When a child believes that he can do it, he will think of various ways to achieve it. When he finds a way to insist on doing something, he will insist on doing it and naturally become self-discipline. I have a friend whose child hopes to be admitted to the best art academy in the country in the future, and she also believes that she can definitely do it. Therefore, she can persist in practicing painting and is very self-disciplined in her studies, because she knows that for schools like CAFA and Qingmei, art classes and cultural classes are equally important. When a child is unsure whether he can do something, he may appear to be \”undisciplined\”, but he is not really undisciplined. He does it with an attitude of trying, and then adjusts himself. We must allow it and not define the child as unself-disciplined. What should we do if our children don’t have their own goals and don’t know what they can do? Then give the child the opportunity to try more, help the child find it slowly, see the child when he does something, affirm the child, and help the child build self-confidence. The underlying logic of helping children build self-confidence is trust. It is our sincere belief that children can do it! Children\’s self-confidence comes from the trust of parents and teachers, not praise and encouragement. Praise and encouragement seem good, but praise is evaluation, and the attitude of evaluation is not equal. Encouragement depends on how you use it. If the child feels that he is not good enough, the encouragement at this time will make it difficult for the child. If he is not decisive when it is time to give up, he will doubt himself. At this time, you can encourage your children to give up. Isn’t giving up a good choice? Originally, life was a process of constant choices. Encouragement can only be used effectively when you truly understand the child\’s heart. Sometimes children will also have doubts about themselves. At this time, parents\’ trust will be a great comfort to the children. In the first half of this year, my children spent more than half of their time in online classes, and they were almost always fishing. Several times he told me that he should listen to the lectures carefully and complete the homework early, but he almost never did it. He did it once in a while, and then returned to the original state. Sometimes he would tell me that he had poor self-discipline, but I told him firmly every time that you can do it when you really want to, and he nodded firmly at this time. I really believe in my heart that he can discipline himself. No matter when he is, I believe that he will be able to discipline himself one day. The state of online classes this semester can be described as earth-shaking. I believe that everyone hopes to be excellent, achieve something, and contribute something. When you find something you love, you will definitely do it.Give it your all and self-discipline at this point will be effortless and available to everyone. But you cannot destroy your self-confidence for the sake of temporary self-discipline. Without self-confidence, all self-discipline behaviors cannot be sustained, and it is difficult to achieve success.