How to raise a child well?

During this time, I often hear parents complain: It’s really difficult to raise an adolescent child! Nowadays, many parents have children around the age of 30. When the children enter puberty, the parents have almost entered menopause. Adolescence hits menopause. In the field of psychology, we call it: Raising Boys Collection PDF Download [On the bestseller list for 15 consecutive years] the \”death\” period of parenting. It is not only the period when conflicts between parents and children are most intense, but it is also the period when children have a high incidence of various problems (rebellion, depression, suicide, etc.). On the one hand, as children move from childhood to adulthood, they begin to rebel and resist, eager to break away from their parents and become independent. On the other hand, as parents gradually enter menopause, they are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and anxiety about the future. They know consciously that they want their children to be independent, but in their hearts they often rely on and control their children unconsciously. As a result, children and parents fall into the dilemma of \”inability to separate and repeated entanglement.\” At this time, what should we do? French movie \”Give Me Wings\”, Douban 8.7. It is adapted from a true story and tells the story of the growth and transformation of a 14-year-old Internet addict. After reading it, I found the answer to the question and summarized the 4 keys to the growth of adolescent children. 14-year-old Thomas is an out-and-out Internet addict. Living with a single mother, I hid in my room playing games all day and night, and would not come out to eat until my mother turned off the power switch. During the summer vacation, his mother was too busy at work to take care of him, so he was sent to the countryside to live with his father, whom he had not seen for a long time. Dad is a crazy wildlife biologist who is planning a \”white goose rescue plan\” – to artificially hatch 20 white wild goose eggs and raise them as a \”bird father\”; to fly a plane and lead the flock of wild geese from a safe path. Routes for migration and reproduction. Why do you call him crazy? Because this plan did not pass the approval of the relevant departments at all, he secretly stamped it and operated it in violation of regulations. For Thomas, who is used to urban life, life in the countryside is really terrible: there are mosquitoes during the day, rats at night, and the network signal is poor, making it impossible to play games. But the seemingly bad environment has brought unexpected gains. One day, Thomas had nothing to do, so he sneaked into the incubator and played music to the eggs through headphones. Suddenly, there was a click, and a young goose broke out of its shell. You should know that birds have an \”imprinting phenomenon\” – newly born chicks will regard the moving objects they see for the first time as their \”parents\”. This means that Thomas has replaced his father as Xiaoyan\’s \”parent\”, disrupting his father\’s original plan. He panicked and rushed out to apologize to his father. Unexpectedly, Dad was neither angry nor reproachful, but gently picked up the goose and placed it gently in Thomas\’s hand. Dad: You are its dad now. Thomas: Wait, you\’re the dad. Dad: Well, I am the dad, then you are its mom. Later, Dad did not hesitate to give Thomas the task of taking care of and training the chicks. With his father\’s authorization and trust, Thomas began to become more active – he no longer thought about playing games all day long, but got up early every day to feed and walk the birds, and then send the baby geese back to their nests at night. Through Thomas\’ transformation, I saw the \”trusted\”strength. It mainly exists in two dimensions: first, you may \”get into trouble\” like a child and ruin my plan, but I believe that you have more mature thinking ability and I believe that you will take the initiative to take responsibility for your actions; second, You may be as curious about the adult world as a quasi-adult. I will not shut you out, but regard you as a partner and invite you to join my plan. Children who are not trusted are often full of worries and fears about the future, and are timid in doing things. Once trusted, the child will gain the confidence to be \”allowed and supported\” and continue to move toward adulthood. As soon as Thomas became the \”Mother Bird\”, he encountered challenges one after another. First, due to a mistake in the preliminary work, one brent goose egg was mixed into 20 white goose eggs. Dad told Thomas that different species should not be mixed together and that the young brant geese needed to be given up. Thomas: You are racist! Dad: Sorry, we have to space it out. Thomas: No, I disagree. Under the protection of Toma, the little brenta goose survived and grew up smoothly. Later, when preparing the flock of geese for migration, the staff rejected the little brant geese for the same reason. But Thomas disagreed and insisted on letting the little black goose migrate with the flock of geese. After going through many hardships, the father and son drove the geese to the starting point of the migration route – the Norwegian Arctic Circle. Unfortunately, my father’s forgery of documents was discovered by the local police. This means that the geese are illegal creatures and all need to be hunted. Facing the menacing police, my father was frightened and prepared to surrender. But Thomas, who only wanted to protect the baby geese, chose to resist – he led the geese into the lake, quickly started the helicopter, and took off! The 20 baby geese also spread their wings and rushed into the sky together. In the air, Toma tried to calm down while recalling the details of how his father taught him to fly a helicopter. He knew very well that the only way to protect the geese was to lead them through their complete migration route. Only in this way can baby geese grow and thrive in a relatively safe area. So, he set his cell phone to flight mode, ignored his father\’s advice, and flew south alone with the geese. Along the way: In order to make a living, he learned to beg food from passers-by; in order to sail smoothly, he learned to beg gas from fishermen… In order to protect the baby geese, he learned to fight wild beasts in the barren mountains; through Thomas\’s adventures , I saw the power of \”being needed\”. In the eyes of adults, he is still a growing child who needs protection; but in the eyes of baby Yan, he is his mother, a protector, and a safe harbor. Because you are needed, you have a sense of responsibility; because you have a sense of responsibility, you have the determination and courage to break through and stand alone. After being allowed to \”leave\” my mother learned the news in France, she lost control. He immediately left his job and rushed to the Norwegian police station like crazy, cursing his ex-husband. In the past, she had always regarded her son as the \”pearl in her eye\” in the greenhouse, taking care of him meticulously, lest any accident happen. Fortunately, now, I have only been separated from my son for a few weeks, and the situation has completely spiraled out of control. Especially through mobile phone location sharing, it isWhen she learned that her son was about to cross a dangerous sea area, she was so frightened that she lost control of her voice and screamed, unable to sleep or eat well. However, as much panic as there was in the early stage, there will be many surprises in the later stage. When the message came from her phone the next day that her son had successfully crossed over, she rushed out with joy, hugging her ex-husband and laughing and jumping. At that moment, she truly witnessed the explosive growth that occurred after her son left his parents. As a result, she stopped being fearful and began to become relaxed, calm and calm. Thomas flew back to the French border and landed at a friend\’s house to join his parents. Due to the long journey, hunger and cold, he fainted in the helicopter and lay in the hospital for 20 hours before waking up. Dad continued to persuade him to give up: We have no right to move forward, the plan ends here; we have to cut off the feathers of the geese and put them in a cage. In this regard, Thomas was full of helplessness and unwillingness. But on the third day, her mother quietly sent Thomas back to the helicopter and watched him lead the flock of geese to continue flying to their destination. This time, she no longer restricted her son in the name of protection, but drove a truck to follow his footsteps. As a mother, she was certainly worried about her son\’s adventure; Raising Girls e-book PDF download [on the bestseller list for 15 consecutive years], but because she had witnessed her son\’s determination and courage to independently overcome difficulties, she turned her worries into blessings. Support your children to move forward courageously. Being allowed to \”leave\” is the only way for children and parents to move from \”symbiosis\” to \”separation\”. For parents, it means letting go of control in front of their children and allowing them to act according to their own will. For the child, it means that he has truly become his own master and can make choices freely, and his choices are supported and blessed. In this way, children can unload their heavy burdens, travel lightly with their parents\’ blessings, and enjoy the current journey to the fullest. The father in the video who was authorized to \”transcend\” was originally the initiator of this \”White Goose Rescue Plan\”. He planned and acted with passion, even forging documents to do so. But when facing the police, he chose to compromise again and again. Thomas, on the other hand, chose to resist without hesitation and drove a helicopter alone to lead the geese to migrate. At first, Dad was worried about Toma\’s safety and frantically called Toma to ask him to surrender. After Toma successfully crossed the dangerous sea, Dad began to fall into self-doubt: \”I did something stupid. This plan was worthless. I almost almost I am a bastard for hurting my son.\” In response, Toma retorted to his father: \”Do you have to give up halfway like this every time?\” The next day, with the support of his mother, Toma got on the helicopter again and led the geese to continue. Migration journey. This trip is even more dangerous for a teenager, but it is precisely because he is a teenager that this thing will be successful. The adult world is full of rules, just like a father would give up when he encounters obstruction from the police; while Thomas\’s world is more pure, and he has only one purpose from beginning to end: to protect the baby geese. This is the persistence and fearlessness of a young man, and it is also the son\’s transcendence of his father. Fortunately, after painstaking experience and self-reflection, the father allowed his son to transcend. He no longer passes on his powerlessness and frustration to his son, but together with his ex-wife,Driving a truck and following in his son\’s footsteps. This is a father\’s authorization to his children: I allow you to surpass me and do better than me. In this authorization, Thomas can feel that his parents will allow him to explore and grow freely, and at the same time support him to become whatever he wants. Therefore, as a parent, don’t be afraid of embarrassing yourself in front of your children and boldly expose your shortcomings. You don’t have to be so perfect or so strong, you can be fragile or even incompetent. Let the children feel: It turns out that parents have limitations, and I can only rely on myself for some things; even sometimes, parents need me to protect them. In this way, children can truly surpass their parents without any distractions, move independently in the direction they want, and pursue their own life. Written at the end, psychological weaning refers to the process in which children break away from their parents and form an independent personality as they grow. It mostly occurs in adolescence. The transformation process of the Internet-addicted boy Toma in the film is the process of psychological weaning from his parents. But in real life, there are too many adolescent children who cannot complete psychological weaning from their parents. In this regard, we often habitually blame our children for not being independent enough, but we rarely look back and ask ourselves: Do I really trust my children? Do I really give my children rights? Did I really allow my child to leave? Have I really allowed my children to surpass themselves? Parenting is a practice. What you raise is your children, and what you cultivate is yourself. Perhaps, facing an adolescent child, the only thing parents can do is to face separation and not pass on the powerlessness and panic of menopause to their children. Adolescence and menopause are more like a process of growth for parents and children – each has completed separation, each has become independent, and each has entered a new stage of its own life. Cooperative Parenting: The Importance of Parent-Child Communication and Parent-Child Education PDF Download This article is dedicated to parents who are burdened with the burden of raising children.